row in parking lot with head teacher! (longish)

[sansouci]

There is next to no parking by dd's school. Everyone complains but for the moment, nothing has actually been done about it, except for the police coming round & taking photos of pick-up & drop-off times. The yummy-mummies make it even worse with SUVs but anyway.

Yesterday when I went to pick up dd from school, I had to double park. I left my warning lights flashing to show that I was coming back soon. Unfortunately, dd didn't come to the car easily & then I got chatting with another mummy, as you do, forgetting completely about my precarious parking place.

On returning to the car, a group of angry women were clustered in front of the school & of course I apologised profusely to the one or two I had blocked.

One woman made a rather bitchy comment as I was charging by & when I saw her heading for her car a few minutes later, I asked her what she felt could be done about the parking. It's not my problem, she replied shortly. We got into an argument, which escalated, as things do on a Friday afternoon. She said, I'm a teacher at this school! to which I retorted, My daughter is a student at this school & if you're part of the staff, you should care about the parking problem! I wasn't rude, but I was very angry with her & she was angry with me.

I eventually roared off, furious and shaking, cursing the woman aloud. Do you know that silly woman? I asked DD. Yes, she said, she's the head teacher. Oh SH*T, I thought, Now I've done it.

How can I face her again? She'll be dd's teacher one day. I think I was right to be cross but I was at fault & certainly on the defensive. What do you think I can do?

oops!
i think you're right though... she SHOULD care and there are things she can do (ie encouraging local kids to walk to school etc)...

I'm thinking maybe the best defense is a good offense. Find out who is the parent of the board of gov. write a nice letter opening to her opneing with admitting to and apologising for your fault then say that it got you thinking....

that the school needs to address the lack of parking and look at it from their vantage point eg safety of children and public?

i'm quite sure that head-strop will see it.

my dd's nursery has v. little parking too. ofsted sited it as a thing to improve.

Is there space round the school to create more parking spaces? If so, you could try and get something done through the council. If not, then there ain't much you can do about it except park and walk.

I'd also write and apologise - and I'd also make sure I don't double park again. It's dangerous and pretty inconsiderate. What if one of these people you'd blocked in because you'd 'forgotten' had an appointment, or had to collect another child from somehwere else?

I wish I hadn't been quite so angry, though.

You're too right, paolosgirl, and i hang my head in shame. This is why I'm unburdening myself on MN & hoping to find some way of apologising (without actually apologising to that nasty piece of work, IYSWIM!).

You poor thing! Sounds like tempers were running high and it just escalated. What about writing and apologising for your approach, but stating that you are very concerend at the lack of parking, and ask her if she has any thoughts on the matter that you could perhpas take to the Council? I guess it all depends on what space is available for parking, though.
What about looking into a school bus, or a walking bus as well?

There is a school bus, but it costs a bomb. Besides which, most of my social life these days takes place in the playground chatting to the other mums after school. It's a private school, which shouldn't make any difference except that teachers shouldn't be rowing with parents in public!

LOL! I hope you manage to get something sorted out with the parking - and if you do write and apologise, make sure you have your fingers crossed behind your back!

oops... that was bad luck! Does she know you by sight? Does she know you are dd's mum, IYSWIM? If she does, think the polite, friendly letter is the way to go. If not, I'd let sleeping dogs lie and just resolve not to do it again. By the time dd is in her class she'll probably have forgotten all about it.

No, she doesn't know me by sight. (Well, I guess she does now!) She didn't see dd either but dd knows her & says she's kind to the children. Bother!

actually the bit that worries me most in your tale is that you had no idea what the head teacher looks like... sounds like there are some bigger issues with her management of the school.

Definitely write to appologise, paolosgirl is right. The head at DD1's school regularly sends out admonitory letters to parents guilty of parking infringments. I sooo wouldn't dare...

However, it's a private school and you're a paying customer so you've got a perfect right to complain about the lack of parking. That having been said it may be that there isn't really anything the school can do about it, so if it was me I wouldn't bother if I didn't have some suggestions to ease things myself. Are there netball courts that could be used?

Maybe write to the head teacher saying that you wish to apologise to a memeber of her staff but don't know who it is - outline what happened - so that she will realise that you are the parent she had words with and she will think that you don't know that it was her you had words with and are genuinely seeking her help in finding the teacher in question so that you can apologise. Does that make sense?!

Must I apologise to the woman? I wasn't blocking her car. I was angry with her primarily for saying that parking "isn't her problem". That seems a stupid attitude for a head teacher to have, especially one in a private school. I'm not really sorry I got cross with her; I'm sorry for those I did inconvenience by parking badly. That was selfish of me. But this woman was a nasty bitch to me. (I'm still angry, can't you tell? ).

On and on they debate but nothing happens...

I would make an appointment and apologise for getting angry. I think it is best to take the initiative, before you meet her again. And you can take up the parking issue with her face to face, and see what she says.

always best to deal with these things head on, IMHO.

and why was the head teacher leaving at chucking out time? Shouldn't she have had other things to do?

sorry I should say that you probably should apologise if only for the sake of your ongoing relationship with her and the school, and particularly her relationship with your dd. Of course this shouldn't affect that but in reality it might.

I agree that a letter of aplogy is the way to go here. Phillipat is right, it is worrying that your head teacher is so unrecogniseable, to you and presumably other parents, especially if you regularly collect your dd from school.

Yes, you're right harpsichord. It will affect dd's relationship with this teacher. Human nature and all.

oh yes, phillipat, agree with you there as well - why is the head leaving so early? hopefully not a regular happening.

I WOULD APOLOGUISE FOPR BAD PARKING. sorry bout caps. i have only been driving a few days and have to say the school run is the most off putting thing there is for me. we have people charging down rds when cars are already coming the other way, parking on corners, grass verges, lots of tooting and swearing. i have sat in my car for a few minutes afterwards to let most of the other people go, as i dont fancy facing a school-run mother with road rage.

and theres the reason i don't drive.

I do have plans to drive but i will still walk with my children to and from school. its ridiculous and i am sorry but double parking is inconsiderate whatever the circumstance (unless ur giving birth/dying/something like that)

not meaning to make u feel bad but thats just my opinion