How do you escape from the masturbation police?

[SpareWheel]

It's getting very difficult these days to find a spare moment for a hand shandy. DW and DCs always running in and out of the bathroom, always someone shouting at me to do something (change nappy, get teddy down, want a wee-wee, story etc.) when I'm in the loo. It leads to arguments with DW when I'm in bed, too tired for a shag but want a couple of minutes to shake one off and just go to sleep. Doing it at work is a no-go (something happened to a colleague which I would never want to happen to me).

How do you chaps find time/space for it?

Joke:
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.

You've had 3gfs that were liars it seems sparewheel

Well I think there are some ladies who never do it - my mother told me she didn't discover it till she was 45 and then used it regularly to get her off, as it were, to sleep! There was no reason for her to lie about her errr, coming late to it, since she wasn't in the slightest bit shy about telling me she did it NOW (aargh, TMI Mumsy dear.)

Can't imagine any man reaching 45 without giving his right hand some exercise, can you

what do people do with partners then ?

I would say average bloke - somewhere between 12-14 discovers it and then it kind of becomes a reason to stay in "doing homework" a lot. See this news source for details.

...and that was only 3 gfs out of 13 ex-gfs in their 20s and one of my ex-gfs (who was v. in touch - so to speak - with her body) taught me some very interesting stuff about the g-spot and clitoris.

So the score in very average terms and in my limited experience is about 25% of ladies haven't done it by 25, although about 95% have done it by age 30 and about 8% provide a wealth of carnal knowledge for their partners who are lucky enough to (ahem) come across them. Can that be right?

12-14??? DP swears he was about 8.

8!!!! thats only 3yrs older thank my ss! NO!!!!!!!

dh reckons 14

as for me i can honestly say i don't unless its my dh and i together iykwim

I'm the same missy, except when I get woken up by the pregnancy dreams and DP isn't around

My Dh has done it a couple of times when he thought I was asleep - I remember I was dreaming I was on a boat on a stormy sea, only to wake to find the bed was indeed shaking - at the crucial moment I couldnt help but laugh out loud!

VS they must be some raunchy dreams! i never got them

and there is always the nanny state...

That "Government to tackle binge-wanking" article is class.

Hats off to VS, who I bet would provide a jolly good education for the right fellow. She must be one of the 8%!

ok so i have to admit added to the 8%

shit i should have name changed

The safest option is not to do it! i.e. become a total celibate (including self-loving). The only time that you usually need to "choke the chicken" is during your partners time of the month. The problem is that usually within minutes of you successfully "throwing the pork javelin" your partner will say "I've finished" and start getting all up close and personal just as want to have a post-auto-erotic pint of bitter.

DH does it every day (besides the days we manage sex) and we are very open about it. He usually does it in the computer room when DS is asleep at night. Very quiet about it. Or he'll do it if we're out during the day so he knows he won't get interrupted!!

feckit, are you just doing an advanced search on 'masturbation' ??

It's masturbation Sunday today, apparently!

My goodness! Have you chaps never said the words "You go up to bed now darling, I'll be up in a few minutes" ?