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Original poster

How do you escape from the masturbation police?

68 replies

SpareWheel · 27/12/2007 11:20

It's getting very difficult these days to find a spare moment for a hand shandy. DW and DCs always running in and out of the bathroom, always someone shouting at me to do something (change nappy, get teddy down, want a wee-wee, story etc.) when I'm in the loo. It leads to arguments with DW when I'm in bed, too tired for a shag but want a couple of minutes to shake one off and just go to sleep. Doing it at work is a no-go (something happened to a colleague which I would never want to happen to me).

How do you chaps find time/space for it?

Joke:
What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
colditz · 27/12/2007 11:23

lock the bathroom door? do it in the shower?>

TrinityTheRedNosedRhino · 27/12/2007 11:23

roffle

harleyd · 27/12/2007 11:24

...

ISawSantaKissingKerrysNorks · 27/12/2007 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ISawSantaKissingKerrysNorks · 27/12/2007 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Summerfruit · 27/12/2007 11:26

Message withdrawn

SantaBabyBeenAnAwfulGoodGirl · 27/12/2007 11:27

yeah try long showers..they might still try and ask why you are taking ages but ignore them

buy expensive leave in conditioner that has to stay on for ten mins

harleyd · 27/12/2007 11:28

my dh is never very discreet about it
i have lost count of the times i have got in from work to find him in the living room going at it

WanderingHolly · 27/12/2007 11:28

Please tell us what happened at work to you your colleague.

We will be very sympathetic and will not laugh and go "Eeewwwww!"

dressedupnowheretogotilxmas · 27/12/2007 11:38

lol or in the bath my hubby does when im in bed

or i do it for him which leads to oral sex then sex

VictorianSqualor · 27/12/2007 11:44

LOL, my dp could've written that op. If he wants one I tell him to go to the bathroom, I don't want spunk all over my bed thanks.
He reckons he can't wanmk by himself though, he needs me there for 'visual aid'......

Santasmissyontheside · 27/12/2007 11:49

so do all men do the handy shandy regular
??

ImdreamingofaGROUCHYxmas · 27/12/2007 11:50

DH needs me as the on hand (scuse pun) ahem, helper

BJB21 · 27/12/2007 11:58

harley,

do u really find him at it in living room?how funny

FlamesparodyOfAChristmasName · 27/12/2007 11:59
bogie · 27/12/2007 12:01
harleyd · 27/12/2007 12:01

oh yeah, regularly
just sitting on the settee, happy as you like, phone porn in one hand, doing a merry dance with the other

ISawSantaKissingKerrysNorks · 27/12/2007 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harleyd · 27/12/2007 12:04

its quite amusing, he will be like, are you going to help me
and im like fuck off im having a cup of tea

FlamesparodyOfAChristmasName · 27/12/2007 12:07

Porn phone...?

Santasmissyontheside · 27/12/2007 12:08

lol! harley!!

i like watching too would much rather join in then him at it on his own

BJB21 · 27/12/2007 12:08

I was just gonna say what do you do Harley, join in? Youve just answered it though. How funny. So he isnt embarrassed by it??!

Santasmissyontheside · 27/12/2007 12:09

dh that is....... not watcjing porn on ,y phone#!

Santasmissyontheside · 27/12/2007 12:10

god my typing!

BroccoliSpears · 27/12/2007 12:17

Public Service Announcement:
Chaps, if you are going to bash the bishop in the shower, please do rinse the bath well afterwards. With your glasses on.