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Original poster

Upset - need man's opinion

58 replies

FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:30

My DH has a single female friend. They have known each other on and off since they have been 11 and have got closer since she broke up with her boyfriend.
She has just bought a new house and wants him to go over for a drink and to spend the night. She says she has invited another married man that they used to be school friends with.
I got upset and said I was not comfortable with him staying over but that if he insisted he should stay with a family member of mine. Now she has had a total hissy fit and says that I have insulted her and do not trust her (i've met her three times.) They have been out for drinks a few times and I am not invited despite asking.

My female friends think it is amazingly inappropriate and that I should not worry about upsetting her as she clearly doesn't care if I am upset. They are both saying I don't trust them, no-one has done anything wrong etc and that I am making everyone unhappy, what is my problem etc.
She did a "poll" in her office and all the married women there said they wouldn't have a problem with their husbands staying at another woman's house.

Is it me? I'm so upset but how can I stop this?

OP posts:
bluejelly · 13/10/2006 11:34

Why is she so hung up on getting him to stay the night? Why didn't she extend the invitation to include you too?
That would've been normal
I think she is behaving strangely if you ask me

bluejelly · 13/10/2006 11:35

Sorry am not a man! But I think most would see this as weird behaviour, no?

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:37

I asked if I could go and was told no.
I think she is "setting the scene".

Now he has said he'll go and stay at my mum's.

The wierd thing is, if it is all so innocent why is she angry?

OP posts:
lou33 · 13/10/2006 11:37

i wouldnt invite a married man to stay the night at mine unless i knew both h and w v well and she was cool about it

in fact i can think of only 1 married man i would be happy to do that with, and i have known him since i was 15 and his wife since i was 21

i wouldnt worry about upestting her, as she doesnt seem to be taking your feelings into account

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 13/10/2006 11:38

She is trying to relive her youth, her mates have grown up and gotten married and it's wildly inappropriate to invite them anywhere with out their spouses.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:40

That's the scary thing isn't it. She just doesn't care about my feelings.
I appreciate she is lnely and even tried to invite her to stay at ours over the summer so we could all be mates. She wouldn't come.

OP posts:
anchovies · 13/10/2006 11:40

Tell them you "did a poll" on here and we all think it's weird!

lou33 · 13/10/2006 11:40

shes being a twat

foxinsocks · 13/10/2006 11:41

why is dh even considering going if he know it's really upsetting you?

frumpygrumpy · 13/10/2006 11:41

Sorry for jumping in, I'm not male but I hope one pops along soon.....

Yeah, friend is fine, drinks is fine, but how many of his male friends ask him to stay the night? How many of your female friends ask you to stay the night?

I wouldn't want to add fuel to her fire but I'm thinking she's fancying your man and has crossed the line with an overnight invite.

bluejelly · 13/10/2006 11:42

She's a weirdo

lou33 · 13/10/2006 11:42

i dont think its necessarily inappropriate to invite a male friend without a wife, but the staying hte night and her reaction about it certainly is

i go out with my male friends without their partners most of the time, but they arent married to them

redbullbloodandbump · 13/10/2006 11:42

no way you are over reacting, seems odd the way she is behaving about it why is she so adoment to get your dp there?? how would your dp feel if the tables were reversed i bet he wouldnt like it 1 bit, she should accept you are a family and invite you as well.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:45

foxinsocks-Because he says he hasn't done anything and it is my issue to do with trust.
She lives 150 miles away so he has to stay somewhere.
He did say last weekend that if it was a choice between her being upset and me being upset he wouldn't go. Until she got upset and now he is pissed off with me.

Is it ok for him to go out for a drink with her and stay at my mum's?

OP posts:
Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:47

My unmarried friend says that she is going to find me a boy to go out with and spend the night at his house to see how dh lilkes it.
(sad )

OP posts:
bluejelly · 13/10/2006 11:47

I think that sounds like a good compromise

redbullbloodandbump · 13/10/2006 11:48

maybe you could talk to dp and say you dont feel comfy with him being that far away, and that he could invite her to stop the night at yours instead that way you can keep an eye on her and its not as if you are asking him not to see her

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:48

Thanks. I still feel sick when I think about it though.

OP posts:
Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:50

No she won't come to our house.

Also they are supposed to be going out with another bloke (who is also staying at hers.) Why doesn't his wife mind? My sis thinks that he is not really going.

OP posts:
Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:50

Anyway she won't talk to me now as she is so angry that I have insulted her.

OP posts:
redbullbloodandbump · 13/10/2006 11:54

no he proberbly isnt going and if your dp did go when he got there she would just proberbly lie and say he canceled at last minute,

i dont know what the answer is but i know i would not let dp spend the night at some womans house, and in all honesty dp wouldnt even consider it as he would know how i feel about it, i think your dp is being selfish about this.

frumpygrumpy · 13/10/2006 11:58

You feel sick about it = gut instinct. I think its a great compromise staying at your mums but it will probably come up again. The decision is his, let it be his and take no responsibilty for it. Say your bit and stand back, you do trust him, you just don't trust her.

frumpygrumpy · 13/10/2006 11:59

Print the thread....

PferPferPumpkinEater · 13/10/2006 12:07

Agree with Lou33 - she's a twat. on your behalf.

expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 12:15

And he thinks that's allright to go and stay the night w/her even though he knows it upsets you?

Don't see where being male or female comes into it, that's f*cking disrepectful and I can't imagine treating my partner like that.

As for her, who cares? She's a twunt.