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Original poster

Upset - need man's opinion

58 replies

FourJays · 13/10/2006 11:30

My DH has a single female friend. They have known each other on and off since they have been 11 and have got closer since she broke up with her boyfriend.
She has just bought a new house and wants him to go over for a drink and to spend the night. She says she has invited another married man that they used to be school friends with.
I got upset and said I was not comfortable with him staying over but that if he insisted he should stay with a family member of mine. Now she has had a total hissy fit and says that I have insulted her and do not trust her (i've met her three times.) They have been out for drinks a few times and I am not invited despite asking.

My female friends think it is amazingly inappropriate and that I should not worry about upsetting her as she clearly doesn't care if I am upset. They are both saying I don't trust them, no-one has done anything wrong etc and that I am making everyone unhappy, what is my problem etc.
She did a "poll" in her office and all the married women there said they wouldn't have a problem with their husbands staying at another woman's house.

Is it me? I'm so upset but how can I stop this?

OP posts:
cod · 13/10/2006 12:17

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 12:26

I would.

Cuz I was once a brazen hussy and I know what they are like.

She's a weirdo.

UnquietDad · 13/10/2006 12:29

It is possible to have single female friends, especially those you have known for a while, and even to go and stay with them and for your DW to be totally cool about it. I have had that. On the other hand, I have had female friends she wasn't that keen on! I think it all depends on the extent to which they obviously want to know YOU, and how much they consider your feelings.

LieselVonTrappDoor · 13/10/2006 12:38

Slut.

expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hub2dee · 13/10/2006 12:44

Yes, you don't need a man's opinion here - you need your own. If you think it doesn't feel nice, and if the hostess isn't being particularly welcoming / warm then regardless of whether she wants to shag him or talk old times, you need to follow your instinct. It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable. If she feels slighted and is frustrated that you've get the wrong end of the stick she'll do the decent thing and phone you to talk it all through or suggest some other form of 'get-together' you would prefer.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 12:47

It is her failure to do the decent thing that I am finding upsetting.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 12:48

I'd be just as upset w/my partner for not valuing your feelings, saying NO and that's that.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 12:50

I have lots of male friends and to me and was a kind of given that when they got married you made friends with the wife. Because they are together now.

OP posts:
scarymaryme · 13/10/2006 12:54

Ooooh I'd be upset if my dh announced he was going to do that!
She seems a bit strange to me....
I would straight away think there was more to it than just old mates having a laugh... She is inviting two men to stay !!
Sorry... I don't think that is totally innocent!!!
Two drunk men!......hmmmmmmm
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! tell him NO!

aDadOnMumsnet · 13/10/2006 12:55

I think it's pretty out of order that you were told you couldn't go after you asked to specifically. It's not right.

I can't imagine any friend of mine inviting me and saying that the invitation was for me only but absolutely not dp.

expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 12:57

And hello?! He's just kicking back enjoying watching you two battle it out over this?

That is major f*ckwittage, if I may say so.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 12:58

He says he is piggy in the middle. Poor him.

OP posts:
scarymaryme · 13/10/2006 12:59

I'm sorry it makes you feel sick I know what you mean though...it makes me feel sick just imagining me in your situation!
show him this thread...... he might realise how much it is upsetting you

scarymaryme · 13/10/2006 13:02

PIGGY IN THE MIDDLE !!!!!!!
Get a bleedin grip man !!!! there should be no middle to be in! Your wife or your weird, unreasonable friend (there is obviously a good reason she is single!!!!!!)

Peridot30 · 13/10/2006 14:13

Would not be happy bout this as think its unreasonable. How would your DH react if the boot was on the other foot? I dont think he would be too happy do you?

The fact that you never get invited to go out with them would unnerve me.

lou33 · 13/10/2006 14:18

piggy in the middle my arse

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 14:27

I have tried asking that peridot but somehow he never manages to answer it......

OP posts:
Peggotty · 13/10/2006 14:30

Fourjays, do you think there is any 'history' between them, before you were around? Since she's just broken up with a boyfriend, ti sounds like she might be surrounding herself with men as a sort of ego boost, and it clearly doesn't matter to her if they happen to be married...

BettyBatShapedSpaghetti · 13/10/2006 14:36

I find it very odd that she turned down the invitation you extended to her to come and stay over the summer so you could get to know her. That, combined with the fact that you're clearly not invited on the night in question (or any other of their nights out), is very odd.

Original poster
FourJays · 13/10/2006 14:50

Nope, no history at all! That is why I have been ok with the friendship up until the overnight stay business!

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 13/10/2006 14:52

your dh should be taking the lead here. You should be more important to him - he should be telling her he doesn't think it is right (because it isn't) or he should make it clear that she should come to stay at yours if they really want massive drinking sessions.

If she is the single one here (with no kids), then surely tis easier for her to come to you?

expatinscotland · 13/10/2006 20:16

i agree, fox.

Spannapiana · 18/10/2006 17:09

Tramp.

Disloyal husband.

2Babies0Bumps · 18/10/2006 17:15

have only read op and although i totally trust my dh i would not have him 'staying the night' at her house, neither would he anyway.
is it a 'sleepover' or something? how old are they?! ffs.
ask her if he needs to bring his own nailvarnish/ pillow for pillowfighting/ popcorn.
i would imagine she and all women in her office are dicks. its not a normal thing to do!