Early loss / MMC TTC support - the club nobody wanted to join 💔🌈

[TinyBitChaotic]

I thought I’d start a little thread for anyone who has been through an early miscarriage, particularly an MMC, and wants somewhere to find people who get it - wherever you are in the process.

This definitely isn’t intended as a pity party, or to suggest that one loss is harder or more significant than another. Every loss is a loss, and everyone experiences it differently.

But I do feel like an MMC can be a particularly cruel and surreal experience. Finding out at a scan that your pregnancy stopped developing some time ago, often when you had absolutely no idea, and then having to navigate the physical process afterwards… it can feel incredibly lonely.

So I thought it might be nice to have a little corner for people who are going through something similar and, eventually, want to find their way back to TTC.

No pressure to be positive, no pressure to “move on”, and no pressure to have the right words. Just somewhere to check in, vent, ask questions, share little wins, or remind someone else that they aren’t alone.

I’m 35 and have a 4-year-old DD. I found out on Thursday at what should have been our 8-week scan that I’d had an MMC, with baby having stopped growing at 6 weeks. I’m currently on day 2 of medical management, so this is all incredibly fresh for me. I’m devastated, but also hopeful that we’ll eventually get our rainbow.
Realistically, I’m hoping that once I get my negative pregnancy test in a couple of weeks, I’ll be ready to try again. For now I’m thinking very low-pressure - no OPKs, no BBT, just seeing what happens. I know that might seem like I’m rushing ahead, but having something to look towards and some sense of control helps me process things.

Anyway, sadly welcome to the club nobody wanted to be part of. ❤️

Hopefully we can support each other through the horrible bit, whatever that looks like for each of us, and eventually find our way out the other side. 🌈

Oh love I’m sorry. I know it is awful, I had a MMC before my first born and chemical before my second born, but I did get my rainbow babies. just getting my toddler to sleep and her 5 yo sister is already sleeping in the bed next to us. I’m 38 so a similar age to you when I lost my babies.the pain does ease with time, be gentle with yourself

firstly im sorry to hear your going through this. Im glad you popped up as I'm having a tough day. We are similar in age im 34 and currently trying for child #2 we have a 4 year old DD also and have now had 3 miscarriages and we have a recurrent miscarriage clinic app next Friday (18th). My bloods have all come back as normal so far and i am stressing out that they might not get to the bottom of things. Currently in my fertile window and could potentially find out within days of this app if we are expecting again. We find getting pregnant the easy bit the keeping them past 6 weeks mark hard. The first was a chemical pregnancy and didn't really think much on it got disappointed but thought its so early these things happen. Second was more scary i was ment to be 10+4 but baby passed at 6+5 after having an early scan seeing the heartbeat only a few days before it passed. I haemorrhaged on my own and had to have a d&c to stop the bleeding very lucky to be here. This was in Feb this year. We left a few months and tried again caught pregnant again. In June i had pain similar to the miscarriage so got checked firstly they saw the GS and YS then next scan we had the baby but was measuring behind. The next scan i was told that i was having identical twins but they are measuring 1.3 and 1.6mm this was what i was ment to be 8+1 the smaller had a faint heartbeat but we were losing them and did on the 21st july. We are currently trying but havent had time only once this window and i had my peak opk yesterday. Don't feel like your rushing ahead with things as this is your journey and as you don't ever need to justify to others what you are doing. It is definitely a club i never thought id be part of. Here if you ever want to reach out 🙂

I am so sorry you went through this! It’s so cruel and unfair! I’m glad you have your rainbows 🌈 now, it is oddly comforting and reassuring and I only hope I am as lucky as you! 🙏🏼 How did you feel embarking on the TTC journey again after the MMC, in particular? I tend to be an anxious person in general, my brain really struggles with uncertainty and the unknown. I dread to think how I will cope after. Any advice?

Oh, reading that all broke my heart for you. I am SO sorry for your losses, so heartbreaking. You are so strong. I am sorry you’re having a tough day, I’m here for you. This really was the intention of this little thread, some days would suck, some would be great..not everything is just TTC again all the time. How do you deal with the toll this is all taking mentally? How do you get over the fear to try again? I really worry about where my head would be as and when we’re ready again, if ready after a loss is truly even a thing. The anxiety would be too much. I need to figure out ways to manage, as I don’t want to be consumed by it, and not enjoy the process or the prospect of another pregnancy. But it feels way easier said than done atm.

Sadly, after you experience pregnancy loss I think that lovely excited feeling you get from finding out you’re pregnant is always dampened by anxiety. No advice really, just take good care of yourself and don’t believe that fear that it won’t happen, believe it will! I ended up getting an early private scan for reassurance which helped.

Thank you im glad i came across it tbh. Im very lucky that i have 24/7 counsellor service through work so have a space to talk. Im not over the fear of trying again im now more anxious than ever to see those 2 lines. I just dont get my hopes up i think now we have hit a trigger my mind is put at rest somewhat knowing we have this clinic. It frustrates me as i know my body can do it as we have a happy healthy little girl already. The worry is always going to be there even after 1 loss as it makes you more aware of what can happen rather than if you didnt go through it. I think the wanting another child so badly helps you keep going, i dont think your ever fully ready after a loss due. As its always going to be something at the back of your mind but the want outweighs the fear. Just keep busy when that time comes and keep positive thoughts 😊

How long did it take you to get a negative pregnancy test after?
I am on day 4, and idk why i even bothered testing but got almost a dye steeler, and it really pissed me off. I find myself in some kind of upside down TWW where I am desperately wishing to see a negative sooner rather than later and just have a peace of mind that it’s all done and over with.

It depends when the pregnancy stopped to the passing of them. Mine all stopped around 6ish weeks and it took my body around 3 weeks before the bleeding starts. All this time your hormones start dropping slowly i get a negative test around a week after the bleeding starts. In total 4 weeks from when the pregnancy stops to get a negative test but it can take upto 6-8 weeks. It is very backwards feeling as when you try for a baby your wishing to see those 2 lines but after a loss your wishing for that test to be negative. It can feel like it drags too. Ive spent most of this year pregnant but not got a child to hold at the end of any of it. Just be careful as you probably been told if you still bleed or get a positive test past 6 weeks see the GP as can be a sign of retained product and that can cause problems if left untreated.

Thank you. It is a very weird feeling this waiting and hoping for the test to turn negative. Mine stopped at 6+1, but I found out two full weeks later. And today is day 4 of the medical management. I only had heavier bleeding and passed things on Sat itself and since then it’s been more like light to medium period. I know it takes time for the hcg to drop and won’t be an overnight thing, but my test on Sunday still said 3+, and the cheapie strip yesterday was as strong positive as it gets. I hope when i test again in a week everything has dropped significantly.

@TinyBitChaotic I’m showing a very faint line still after 7 weeks (stopped developing 6 weeks, started spontaneously at 9 weeks). Had a blood test today to check hcg is still going in the right direction. (it was 68.7 2 weeks ago). AF has finally arrived now though!

Ughhh it’s such a mind f*ck , isn’t it.

If I could go back to EPU and get a scan that would be ideal. It would give me such a peace of mind that everything has passed, or equally if it hasn’t I just want to do what I need to do and be done. But they don’t do scans as a routine.

I also don’t understand how it works practically. The people who get pregnant before even getting their first period back, not that I plan to do that, but practically, how? When supposedly it takes 2-3 weeks sometimes much longer for that neg test. So how do you know everything is gone and you’re ok to try again, if you wanted to?

Hello. I’m in this club too :(
sorry for your loss and for the emotional ride you’re on.

I have two kids - 7 and 5. But had 2 MCs last year. The shock of having two! Couldn’t believe it would happen again. I started bleeding with both so perhaps less of a shock than a MMC, but long and drawn out and just sad processes.

TTC a few months after the second but drove myself mad symptom spotting. So took 7 months off trying and am now on my first TWW after trying in August. But feel really sad today as feel period pains; and just not sure I can or should keep trying.

I am really sorry for your losses and your heartbreak ❤️‍🩹

The TWW is its special kind of torture. But as slow as it goes and as mad as we go symptom-spotting, it’s also such a hopeful time. I have everything crossed for you!

I think one thing I’ve learned from this MMC is that I won’t obsess over tests and symptoms. Because apparently, they can mean absolutely nothing. As and if I feel ready to try again, I don’t think I’ll test before my period is due. And once I get a positive, I don’t think I’d keep obsessively testing to see the line getting darker. If you can’t tell I tortured myself like this back in July, and what did it bring? Nothing but false promise. Oh well, famous last words I guess, but that’s how I feel right now

This thread has come at the perfect time for me!

So sorry that we’re in this club together. I was supposed to be 11 weeks on Saturday but found no heartbeat at a private scan. Went to EPU today and missed miscarriage confirmed, baby measuring at 10w5d. We’d seen them last at a private scan at 8 weeks, measuring ahead and with a heartbeat.

Because of the gestational age my only two treatment options were for medical management in hospital, or surgical. I would’ve rather had medical at home but seeing as either one has to be in hospital, scheduled for surgery on Thursday morning. And then that’s the pregnancy over.

I feel the same as you - I now just want the negative test and to jump straight back into TTC. This pregnancy took us a long time to get to so really hoping we catch early next time. Although I need to lose some weight first - gained 10lbs in these 11 weeks!

Sorry, it’s all so shit x

I am so sorry, hoping it all goes well on Thursday. It is so rubbish. It feels devastating, yet it’s also so common, the number of women I have confided in who said “yes I’ve had something like this happen to me too”… I was very naive and oblivious because I had no idea this world really existed and it was sadly so common. Sending you love! ❤️‍🩹

I am finding myself in a really weird mental space today. It’s only day 5 post-medical management. I don’t know if this is hormone-related, but my moods are all over the place. One moment I feel calm, hopeful, positive. The next I am overwhelmed with sadness and feeling really anxious and hopeless. It is really rough, I feel as if I have no control over my own emotions and I hate it.

In other practical news, EPU called me yesterday to check in on how the weekend has gone and said everything sounds very positive. They also said my appointment with them next Friday is actually in person and that they will scan me too, which I didn’t expect and gave me a massive peace of mind. I just hope that when I go they say everything has passed.