Early loss / MMC TTC support - the club nobody wanted to join 💔🌈

[TinyBitChaotic]

I thought I’d start a little thread for anyone who has been through an early miscarriage, particularly an MMC, and wants somewhere to find people who get it - wherever you are in the process.

This definitely isn’t intended as a pity party, or to suggest that one loss is harder or more significant than another. Every loss is a loss, and everyone experiences it differently.

But I do feel like an MMC can be a particularly cruel and surreal experience. Finding out at a scan that your pregnancy stopped developing some time ago, often when you had absolutely no idea, and then having to navigate the physical process afterwards… it can feel incredibly lonely.

So I thought it might be nice to have a little corner for people who are going through something similar and, eventually, want to find their way back to TTC.

No pressure to be positive, no pressure to “move on”, and no pressure to have the right words. Just somewhere to check in, vent, ask questions, share little wins, or remind someone else that they aren’t alone.

I’m 35 and have a 4-year-old DD. I found out on Thursday at what should have been our 8-week scan that I’d had an MMC, with baby having stopped growing at 6 weeks. I’m currently on day 2 of medical management, so this is all incredibly fresh for me. I’m devastated, but also hopeful that we’ll eventually get our rainbow.
Realistically, I’m hoping that once I get my negative pregnancy test in a couple of weeks, I’ll be ready to try again. For now I’m thinking very low-pressure - no OPKs, no BBT, just seeing what happens. I know that might seem like I’m rushing ahead, but having something to look towards and some sense of control helps me process things.

Anyway, sadly welcome to the club nobody wanted to be part of. ❤️

Hopefully we can support each other through the horrible bit, whatever that looks like for each of us, and eventually find our way out the other side. 🌈

We’re slowly getting there! Today is exactly two weeks post medical management. I hope that is totally negative by early next week! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

@TinyBitChaoticthat’s such a frustrating result from the scan but your tests are looking great! Are you still bleeding??

This is my test from today, 10 days after miscarriage. I am still spotting which is annoying as my libido has made a surprising return (it was pretty low when I was pregnant!) but I don’t want to risk it until I’m actually negative.

Haaaate this waiting game and never thought I’d want to see a negative test so badly when for months I was praying to see a hint of a second line.

That looks really promising! I think we’ll get our negatives right round the same time.

I am the same! I didn’t have ANY sex drive while preg but the last week I have been ready to go lol 😆

Bleeding stopped end of last week; right around 7-8 days after the medical management, I then had spotting for 4-5 more days but have had absolutely nothing in the last 2-3 days!

We’re sloooooowly getting into very-faint territory but annoyingly not yet negative. 🫠
I am hoping by mid-week it’s gone stark white…I want it over and done with already!
Also probably TMI but had some brown spotting yesterday, so I wonder if that’s the “thingy” she saw on the scan? Hopefully!!! 🙏🏼

How is everyone else doing, feeling?

Definitely getting there!

I got my first squinter today, and my LH tests are looking slightly better. Hoping I ovulate in the next week, I usually ovulate pretty early in my cycle so assuming it’ll be a bit delayed but things are looking/feeling good! Have stopped spotting too.

We DTD this morning for the first time since. I keep reading stories online of women who’ve got pregnant the immediate cycle after miscarriage and feeling so much hope, could you imagine.

I genuinely think we are in the exact same spot, maybe +/- a day! We are inching closer towards that blooming negative!!! 🙏🏼

Well done for DTD!! We haven’t yet. I don’t know why! I’ve also read about how fertile you can be after a miscarriage, so I totally get the hopeful feeling. Let us both be lucky! 🍀

Only difference is, I’m not planning to use OPKs… because I think I’ll obsess and I don’t want to, if I can help it. Although now I’m wondering if I should?! 😂 I just really want to let this happen serendipitously. Like, we weren’t trying, we weren’t preventing, we just happened to have sex twice and BOOM - healthy, happy pregnancy. Is that too much to ask?! 😂🥹❤️ That’s the dream anyway!

@TinyBitChaoticI will be so happy to see our negatives ASAP, ideally this week!!
And totally see where you’re coming from with the OPKs - it is SO easy to get obsessed. When we found out about our miscarriage I remember weeping to my husband ‘I can’t believe we have to start TTC all over again’ because last time I found it so stressful 🥲 However saying that - it just feels kind of normal now to track and graph and project manage my body. But it is what it is!

Hi all, this is exactly the sort of thread I was looking for! I am two weeks post D&C which I had at 9+1 (though baby stopped growing at 6+5.) This is following on from a chemical/early loss in April. The loss this time though hit me really hard and the grief felt overwhelming at first. I am feeling a lot better now though and ready to start looking forward again.

I have one DD who will be 4 at the end of the year, and she is my whole world. I'm just so desperate to try again, just hoping my body will kick back in quickly this time! I only had bleeding for one week post D&C and my pregnancy test I took yesterday was really faint, so nearly all the HCG is gone. So I'm keeping everything crossed 🙏

So sorry you've all been through losses/MMC's, I wouldn't wish it on anyone xx

Oh man, I am so very sorry for your losses! It is so bloody hard. I am sending you a big squeeze. You are so strong. We are SO strong. I keep thinking to myself “a man could never”. Although my DH has been an absolute rock, we go through so incredibly much as women.

Glad to hear you’re doing better mentally, and your tests are getting fainter. Hopefully we all get our rainbow babies soon! 🙏🏼🍀

I got a real squinter today, I hope for a total negative in the next day or two! We also DTD yesterday for the first time in weeks. My sex drive was absolutely gone during pregnancy, then I had 10 days of bleeding/spotting, which has stopped and I have been feeling really horny the last week or so! 🙈

Welcome @Janey3090and so sorry about your losses ♥️ at least we can all support each other in the same shitty club!

My HCG decreases feel like they’re stalling atm, tests look the same to me every day. No signs of ovulation yet either but I think the LH strips are showing some signs of progression?! My hormones are definitely all over the place - headaches, fatigue (literally napped for 2hrs yesterday!), a few skin break outs. This is the TOTM I’d usually ovulate so I’m definitely delayed, temps are fairly stable too.

When I do eventually ovulate I can already tell this TWW will be the worst of them all 🥲

Idk, this test looks really faint, you’re definitely getting there!! But I totally feel you.

I have had a bit of a turn, finally l, but also somewhat unexpectedly. So we DTD Mon night for the first time in forever, which was nice. Then yesterday and today I have egg white CM. Which makes me think maybe my ovaries are waking up and getting ready to ovulate. I am happy for it, but would lie if I didn’t say I’m also nervous. And it feels too soon and also not soon enough if that makes any sense at all?!

My test this morning is the faintest it has ever been. I can stll see the bloody line but I am genuinely thinking by Friday morning (if not tomorrow) it should be gone! Exactly at the 3 week mark since my medical management.

Fingers crossed you get a move on with both your negative, and your signs of ovulation soon too! ❤️‍🩹

@mycatyells btw since hcg doubles every 48-72 h, maybe it also decreases at the same rate? So don’t despair if there isn’t a noticeable difference to your naked eye day to day. Maybe compare the tests that are 2/3 days apart instead? 🤞🏻🍀

Ahhh @TinyBitChaotic your test looks SO good today, a proper squinter - at first glance I didn’t even see the second line! And so happy to hear about the EWCM (as weird as that sounds 😂 hello, yes happy to hear about your mucus) - mine has been watery the past few days so hoping for some EW soon.

And you’re right on the tests I think - I compared to one a few days ago and there’s a more significant difference. I’ve heard you can still ovulate with small amounts of HCG anyway so it might happen regardless?? Although ideally I want a stark negative before another positive. And I am only 2 weeks out from the actual miscarriage today so I’m definitely jumping the gun a bit.

Are you tracking temps or anything to confirm ovulation? Or going fully all in with the serendipity??

@mycatyells Hahaha “happy to hear about your mucus” 😂😂 I feel like we’ve really crossed a boundary in this thread now 😂

I think I’m going fully all-in on the serendipity!! I know I could do OPKs/temps, but I know myself and I think I’d end up obsessing over every single result and trying to pinpoint the exact day, and I really don’t want to go down that rabbit hole. So I’m taking the EWCM as my little “hmm, something is happening 👀” sign and otherwise just letting nature do its thing! We’re not preventing, but we’re also not turning it into a military operation…YET. 😬

And I’m with you on wanting that proper stark negative before another positive - I’m hoping we’re there by the end of this week 🤞🏼
Alsooo I’m so excited for you that things seem to be moving in the right direction too!! I know it feels like a slog, but we’re slowly coming out the other end of this. And it really does sound like your body is getting itself back into gear. I’m rooting so hard for you!! 🍀❤️ Let’s both get our negatives, our ovulation and then our happy little positives when the time is right 😂🥹

Thank you for the welcomes 🤍 So sad we’re all in this boat, but lovely we can support each other!

16 days post D&C for me, and my pregnancy test is very nearly negative. It’s so weird isn’t it, switching and hoping for negatives 😞

My LH is darker than my baseline, could it be from my lingering HCG? I normally ovulate later so around day 20-21, so keeping everything crossed for next week!

Both of those look really good!! You might still ovulate a couple of days from today, that OPK is not yet positive, so that would be in line with what’s usual for you!

This is me today.
DH couldn’t see a line on the preg test but in person it is a little bit still there.
I caved after all the ovulation talk and did a test just to see. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@TinyBitChaotic Thank you! To be honest I'm hoping it's next week, as we're going away tomorrow-Monday with a group, and sharing a room with our DD, so not sure when we would be able to DTD if we did get a positive. 😂Aware though that ovulation isn't guaranteed, esp so soon after a D&C!

I can see the tiniest shadow on your pregnancy test, but it's sooo faint - expect it will be completely negative in the next couple of days. Ovulation test is looking good too, when do you normally ovulate? xx

Normally, probably 20isd CD. But I don’t know what’s normal after a miscarriage 🤷🏻‍♀️ My EWCM from earlier this week has gone so I honestly have no idea what is going on. 🙈

I am getting really annoyed at the test strips now too. I still see a super faint line. And I am desperate to see no line at all. 😩

Enjoy your trip!! X

I am getting annoyed now too! Still testing faintly positive and now my OPKs have started getting lighter - even the one I thought wasn’t impacted by HCG. And I’m pretty sure I haven’t ovulated based on CM and BBT.

This whole process is testing my patience so much!

Literally in the same exact boat.
not a clue what is going on ovulation-wise, and that bloody shadow of a line just won’t go away! 😡

Morning ladies!

I still have a faint line on my HCG but my OPKs seem to be getting darker, and I’m pretty sure I’ve got some fertile CM so we’ve been trying in earnest.

In other news, my younger sister - who was an absolute rock for me during this - text me this morning to say she was pregnant. I am SO happy for her but felt like a complete gut punch. They’d only started trying as our pregnancy had made them have serious conversations about starting a family. She got pregnant first time too, and it took us months and months. I’ve had a little cry. Just feel like it’s going to up the pressure even more.

Oh lovely ❤️ I can completely understand why that would feel like such a gut punch, even though you’re genuinely so happy for her. Both things can exist at the same time.

And especially after everything you’ve been through, hearing that she got pregnant first time when you’d been trying for months must bring up all sorts of feelings. It doesn’t make you any less happy for her, and it doesn’t make you a bad sister. You’ve just had something really painful happen and you’re still grieving it.

Please be kind to yourself today and have that cry if you need it. There’s no need to put pressure on yourself to feel anything other than what you’re feeling. ❤️

@mycatyells P.S. Those tests do look promising! 🤞 Your HCG line seems to be fading and the OPKs are getting darker - fingers crossed your body is getting back to doing its thing. Good luck with all the DTD 😏 Sending you lots of baby dust/sprinkles/whatever the Mumsnet fertility fairy is handing out these days! 😂❤️

Little update from me too ❤️

Like I mentioned last time, I’ve been doing OPKs, but honestly not so much with the aim of timing DTD, more because I’m curious to see what my body is doing. I got a more substantial line this morning, so that’s interesting! We last DTD Saturday night, and I’m not sure we’ll manage tonight tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

My HCG must be dropping too, but the day-to-day differences on the cheapies have been pretty negligible. I can still see a shadow of a line, which is personally annoying me more than anything!

I have my follow-up (and hopefully final!) scan this Friday morning. Really hoping I get told everything has passed, everything looks as it should, and I can officially be “discharged” from the miscarriage care. 🤞🏻❤️