Am I too old to have another baby at 40?

[Raka124]

Hello, I'm nearly 40 I have 2 grown up children aged 20 and 22 with a previous partner, I have been with my current partner 15 years and he wants his own baby. I've never wanted another child in the past i was suffering seizures and put on medication for epilepsy and it took ages to control but now I do want another I feel I might be too late?

I don't think it's medically too late but I'm turning 40 soon and one five year old is exhausting enough I wouldn't want to have a newborn.
You shouldn't have a baby for someone else either, only if it's something you really want. A pregnancy will be more difficult physically at 40 than 20

Why did it take him 15 years to decide he wants a baby. I think that ship has sailed now.

Well it's not impossible. You may require IVF. Your odds are lower than 5 years ago. Does he want to parent a newborn? How old is he? What do you want?

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

I don't think age is the issue here, but whether you actually want another baby. Either decision is fine.

For what it's worth, I had my booking in appointment with DS2 on my 40th birthday. His brother is almost 5 years older. They're brilliant together, and have the best time.

40 isn’t too old, no, but after 15 years together, never having lived together and him living with his Mum…that’s a hard NO. It sounds like he has a fantasy of ‘being a Dad’, but he hasn’t done anything in the last 15 years to make it a reality.

Does he understand what’s involved in raising a child? The work? The cost? The strain? I’d be very worried he doesn’t, and that you’ll end up a middle aged single parent bringing up a baby on your own.

He's 39, I was young when I.had my 2 kids so it's starting allover again, I would like another baby but it's like giving another massive part of my life and I've just started studying to train as a vet. I'm not going down the ivf route

It may or may not be too late biologically, you wouldn't know unless you try. I know plenty of people who have had children at your age and older, and ones that struggled to at a younger age.

The real question is whether you want another child or children. Especially with a man you have never lived with. I think it is unlikely that someone used to the home comforts of living with parents his whole life will suddenly morph into someone who does an equal share of household chores and child raising. Are you happy to do the majority of the work, potentially have a multiple birth, or child with disabilities?

He's been around to bring them up since my son was 5 and my daughter was 7. The don't remember their biological gene pool of a dad luckily. He's a mummy's boy the annoying mother in law type sticking her nose into everything, he says he wants to move in with me but she wants him to stay at home

Ridiculous

Dont even entertain a baby in your circs.
Well done on retraining to become a vet!!!
Your kids must be super proud of you.

look...
You had a 4/5 and 6/7 year old and he had no interest in becoming a family unit.
Youve never lived together.
His mum cooks his dinner and washes his pants for him.
He has had 15!?!? Years to mention it and wants to discuss it NOW... when you have started retraining to be a vet. An incredibly difficult and ewmanding job that involves placements and is highly incompatible with babies...

You roll the dice with babies.

Miscarriages take an emotional toll.

Twins.. more likely over 40.

Disabilities are a serious thing to consider. what do you think will happen if your 3rd god forbid has a serious disability. Do you think he'll be the one giving up his job and turning his entire life on its head? Or will it be you getting the shitty end of the stick?

Even with a perfectly heathy child he'll be slinking off to mum and dads for a proper nights sleep as he is "tired"

The dads I know who are older (over 38 ish) have really striggled with becoming first time dads they are set in their ways.

Honestly you are crazy to consider it with this guy...you just got your freedom back.

That's what my mom says about the home comforts thing. I would have to give up work and studying too,

He wouldn't give up work, I hardly see him now, and it's always been my dream to go into animal care. My gp has advised me that I would need to stay on my epilepsy meds and increases the chances of disabilities for the baby and also my own health.

Don't do it!
He's had 15 long years to broach this subject. Why now? Do you think it's maybe because your children are adults now and he's scared of you having more freedom and maybe leaving him?
Also you've just started to train as a vet. A new exciting chapter awaits. It will be so much harder to achieve this dream with a newborn. I would also consider the fact that the chance of having a child with a disability is increased at 40 too.
You don't live together which would be an issue for having a baby. Tbh the potential mother in law issues alone would be enough to put me off 😂. It sounds like he kind of already is your third baby?

The issue is he is still living with his mum, you both have not lived together until you do don't rush into having a baby with him. Also will you be ready to ditch your plans of being a vet? How's your financial situation? Will your partner be moving in with you and supporting you? I suggest you start living with him first before you have children with him.... think hard

You aren't too old - that's the simple answer.
But you have medical issues and this is not the man to have a baby with. Are you planning on living together? Get married? And if he's 30, you've been dating since he was 15 and you were 24??? Why has no one else picked up on that?

Oh sorry I misread - he's 39. Phew. Still he sounds like he's not exactly committed.

Why would you do this to yourself.

The bit of your message that says that at 39 he still lives with his mum because she doesn't want him to move out. That bit means that you'd effectively be a single parent. He sounds like a big baby himself.

If you're up for that then fill your boots. But I think I'd know what I'd do.

I had 2 children and got a bit broody again at late 30s / early 40s. I think it's quite normal - your hormones giving you one last blast of longing. Mine soon passed and I've never regretted not having another.

Given your medical issues I'd think very, very carefully about what you really want and examine your motives for getting pregnant again : risking serious health issues for you and baby/babies, giving up your long term career aspirations, financial security, being a lone parent, menopause with a young child to look after. That's a lot.

We've been dating 15 years, he was 22 I was 23 when we got together, I should've put that more plainly

Don’t give up your work and your dreams at 40, now your children are grown and you are free, to have another baby with this manchild. DON’T.

You haven’t even lived together
He is a complete Mummy’s boy
He sounds just selfish overall
Medical condition means a very high risk pregnancy
Increased disabilities chance for a potential child
Starting all over again when your children are young adults
End of your dream career.

A hard no from me.

I'm getting red flags, he's 39 and you've been dating 15 years? Why has it taken him so long to want to settle down and start a family with you? Obviously you know what a commitment another child would be, do you really want to be responsible for another one until you're almost 60? Don't you want some of your adult years to be about doing things for yourself?

Hell no.

I had a baby at 42. But in your circumstances? I repeat, hell no.

He’s 39, lives with an overbearing mother, you rarely see him & in 15 years he’s never tried to create a family unit with you & your kids.
Now at 40, when you are getting your life & freedom back to pursue your dreams he wants you to give all that up to have a baby ‘for’ him but he’ll still live with his mum & go about his current life.

The question shouldn’t be are you too old to have a baby, but why the fuck would you want to with a 39 year old man baby waster who’ll leave you as a single parent.

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

Forget your age, based on this alone it's a terrible idea.