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Original poster

Am I too old to have another baby at 40?

71 replies

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:15

Hello, I'm nearly 40 I have 2 grown up children aged 20 and 22 with a previous partner, I have been with my current partner 15 years and he wants his own baby. I've never wanted another child in the past i was suffering seizures and put on medication for epilepsy and it took ages to control but now I do want another I feel I might be too late?

OP posts:
Emerald4512 · 09/03/2024 09:00

He's a walking red flag!

Cinai · 09/03/2024 09:00

I’ve conceived twice very quickly at 40, first one was a miscarriage (unfortunately there is a higher risk) but I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant, all looking good, and I’ll turn 41 next month. It’s definitely a possibility, but the question is if it is what you really want.

JollyJanuary · 09/03/2024 09:01

What a coincidence that he wasnts to tie you down with a baby when you want to fulfill a dream to become a vet. You will effectively be a single parent. He needs make no sacrifice.

Original poster
Raka124 · 09/03/2024 09:03

ViciousCurrentBun · 09/03/2024 08:55

You haven’t even lived together
He is a complete Mummy’s boy
He sounds just selfish overall
Medical condition means a very high risk pregnancy
Increased disabilities chance for a potential child
Starting all over again when your children are young adults
End of your dream career.

A hard no from me.

I think the fact that I am I not sure says enough tbh, the disability thing is massive , throwing in the menopause too. Financially we are "ok" but I will need a student loan to pursue my career ambition which will eventually take years to pay off and the course/placements will limit my work availability..then childcare needs too or give the lot up to start over as a new mum again.

OP posts:
AncientBallerina · 09/03/2024 09:08

Hold on a minute- you are about to train to be a vet (congratulations - that is amazing!) and NOW after 15 years he has decided he wants a baby? I think these things are probably related. He is also asking you to put your own and the potential baby’s health at risk because of your epilepsy. Don’t do this. At 55 I still have school age children- of course you can in theory have a baby at 40 but why should you? You’ve done your child rearing, you’re about to embark on a new chapter in your life. His response to this is to try to get you pregnant again. He has had 15 years to marry you and have a baby with you and he has chosen not to. I would be seriously reconsidering this relationship and focusing on your vet training.

user1469908676728 · 09/03/2024 09:10

Good God, no! What are you thinking OP.
You’ve got two grown up kids and a man child of a boyfriend, and he is a boyfriend, not a partner, you don't live together, you are second fiddle to his mother, he could have piped up about wanting a chid years ago. Why now? Does he not like your retraining for a new career? Vet medicine is one of the hardest, most stressful professions there is, do you really envisage being able to continue with that with a baby, toddler, primary school aged child in tow? Because he doesn’t sound like he’s the type of chap intending doing the lions share of the child rearing to me…

For you, I’d suggest the daydreaming of another baby is your hormones playing tricks as you near peri/menopause…I had the same late 30’s early 40’s and it was definitely hormones not a real desire for a bigger family.

HappyDaze23 · 09/03/2024 09:12

Your age is almost entirely irrelevant here. I had a baby at 41 without any issues and for a lot of people it is possible to conceive and have a healthy baby at that age.
What I would say is that having a baby with someone who lives with his parents, who you’ve been with for 15 years and he’s not properly committed, at the point when you have just embarked on extensive, expensive training for a career change is absolutely madness!!! And you have had kids yourself so have had that experience. Don’t indulge his midlife crisis!

MsGoodenough · 09/03/2024 09:13

You aren't too old but you should NOT have a baby with this man. Congratulations on getting onto vet training, that is amazing. Enjoy your future veterinary career!

GoodnightAdeline · 09/03/2024 09:13

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:22

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

Between that and your age together it’s a no from me. I can think of many scenarios where it could all easily go wrong off the top of my head.

FortunataTagnips · 09/03/2024 09:14

You would be absolutely MAD to do this. And I speak as someone who had her first baby at 42.
Your life is on track. You’re about to do something amazing for
yourself by retraining. Don’t throw it all away on the whim of some idiotic mummy’s boy who will, in all likelihood, leave you to raise this child on your own.

takemeawayagain · 09/03/2024 09:15

It sounds like you're prepared to have a baby for him, not that you really want one. This is all about his whims and not about your circumstances. I'm concentrate on the kiids you have and you exciting new career.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 09/03/2024 09:16

I did. She’s 7 now.

It’s not too old, but I’d want to be living with my partner!

MotherOfShihTzus · 09/03/2024 09:16

I'm sorry OP, but you barely see him as it is - you'd be bringing up this baby alone, with the occasional visit from 'dad', and giving up on your dreams of becoming a vet? I find it interesting that he wants to tie you down with a baby as you are asserting your independence- I wouldn't consider having a baby with this man child. Really try to envisage how things would look if you went ahead...

TwilightSkies · 09/03/2024 09:18

Jesus. Do NOT do this. There’s a million reasons not to. And I can’t see a single good reason to do it!
Dump the loser and start enjoying your freedom.

piglet81 · 09/03/2024 09:19

Look at what you’ve achieved already - you’ve brought up two children on your own and got ready to embark on a really challenging training for an interesting new career. Meanwhile, this bloke hasn’t even moved out of his mum’s house, much less built a life of his own, and now he’s trying to tie you down with talk of a baby (whose upbringing he’s unlikely to contribute to in any meaningful way, let’s be frank)?

Absolutely no way.

Original poster
Raka124 · 09/03/2024 09:28

user1469908676728 · 09/03/2024 09:10

Good God, no! What are you thinking OP.
You’ve got two grown up kids and a man child of a boyfriend, and he is a boyfriend, not a partner, you don't live together, you are second fiddle to his mother, he could have piped up about wanting a chid years ago. Why now? Does he not like your retraining for a new career? Vet medicine is one of the hardest, most stressful professions there is, do you really envisage being able to continue with that with a baby, toddler, primary school aged child in tow? Because he doesn’t sound like he’s the type of chap intending doing the lions share of the child rearing to me…

For you, I’d suggest the daydreaming of another baby is your hormones playing tricks as you near peri/menopause…I had the same late 30’s early 40’s and it was definitely hormones not a real desire for a bigger family.

My career ambition won't be possible so it's a massive thing for me to give up, he has only mentioned it since I passed my entrance test a couple of months ago, but now it's all he talks about. I would like another baby, but I think deep down because I'm in last chance saloon fertility wise that may be partly hormones.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 09/03/2024 09:30

Is he worried that you're going to move on from him if you embrace this opportunity? Agree with PP, the timing seems a bit convenient.

SKG231 · 09/03/2024 09:32

You don’t even live with this man and you’re contemplating a child with him?

you need to be living together for a few years to see if you are actually compatible in a real life situation.

You say he lives with his parents. Has he never moved out, lived alone, had any financial responsibilities, does he having savings?

Olika · 09/03/2024 09:35

Having a kid at 40... not a problem. Having a kid in your circumstances... absolutely not.

MsJuniper · 09/03/2024 09:40

JollyJanuary · 09/03/2024 09:01

What a coincidence that he wasnts to tie you down with a baby when you want to fulfill a dream to become a vet. You will effectively be a single parent. He needs make no sacrifice.

Totally agree with this. Also a coincidence that he would love to live with you but Mummy won't let him. Is she really that overbearing or is it a convenient excuse to maintain his life exactly how he wants it?

GreatGateauxsby · 09/03/2024 09:43

Why are you even considering this?

As in, why do you want this...?

Because it sounds like you dont really want it (ie there is no burning desire) and there are a list as long as ypur arm as to why you shouldn't/ its a really bad idea.

MsGoodenough · 09/03/2024 09:43

It's a massive red flag that this has come up just as you are embarking on an exciting new career. I don't think it's a coincidence.

Hedgerow2 · 09/03/2024 09:47

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:22

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

You're not too old but he's too young/immature.

Shetlands · 09/03/2024 09:48

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:47

He wouldn't give up work, I hardly see him now, and it's always been my dream to go into animal care. My gp has advised me that I would need to stay on my epilepsy meds and increases the chances of disabilities for the baby and also my own health.

Show quote history

Well don't risk it then. You have a wonderful future planned so why would you endanger your own health and risk having a disabled baby? Picture yourself stuck at home with ill health and a high needs baby while your DP stays with his mother because there's no way he could 'man up' and take the strain off you.

scoobysnaxx · 09/03/2024 10:15

"He's a mummy's boy the annoying mother in law type sticking her nose into everything, he says he wants to move in with me but she wants him to stay at home"

"My gp has advised me that I would need to stay on my epilepsy meds and increases the chances of disabilities for the baby and also my own health"

"I would have to give up work and studying too"

For all of the above reasons, this would be an utter disaster. Give up your future career as a vet to have a baby with possible disabilities with a 39 year old man who still lives with his mum and has the worst kind of interfering mother?

Has disaster written all over it.

Sorry OP!