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Original poster

Am I too old to have another baby at 40?

71 replies

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:15

Hello, I'm nearly 40 I have 2 grown up children aged 20 and 22 with a previous partner, I have been with my current partner 15 years and he wants his own baby. I've never wanted another child in the past i was suffering seizures and put on medication for epilepsy and it took ages to control but now I do want another I feel I might be too late?

OP posts:
MsGrumpytrousers · 09/03/2024 10:28

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:22

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

Then I would say no.

MsGrumpytrousers · 09/03/2024 10:34

Also: "he has only mentioned it since I passed my entrance test a couple of months ago".

He's trying to trap you.

Snugglemonkey · 09/03/2024 10:34

I am 43 and my youngest is 1. I do not think age is your issue. I would be more concerned about your relationship set up. I would not consider having children with someone I had not lived with for a long time. Why will he not leave his mother now? Why hasn't he? Will you be left alone with a baby? Is it OK for that? It sounds like you are studying to change your life. Could you still do it with a baby.

I just think that someone living with mummy at 39 has red flags all over them.

Sweetheart7 · 09/03/2024 10:47

FrenchandSaunders · 09/03/2024 08:17

Why did it take him 15 years to decide he wants a baby. I think that ship has sailed now.

My thoughts exactly. How old is your partner? It's not something I would do as you've been together quite a long time... he should of said 10 years ago!

fightingthedogforadonut · 09/03/2024 11:04

I had my son a few weeks shy of my 40th birthday. He's a wonderful child and I love him dearly, but don't underestimate how hard it is dealing with menopause when you still have a primary aged child....

tittybumbum · 09/03/2024 11:58

mondaytosunday · 09/03/2024 08:50

You aren't too old - that's the simple answer.
But you have medical issues and this is not the man to have a baby with. Are you planning on living together? Get married? And if he's 30, you've been dating since he was 15 and you were 24??? Why has no one else picked up on that?

Because you've got the maths wrong

tittybumbum · 09/03/2024 11:59

OP you have been together 15 years. You don't live together He lives with his parents and you hardly see him. You'll have to give up work and he won't ....

You'll be a single parent

Crabwoman · 09/03/2024 12:13

It's a trap. He's happy with his arrangement, living with Mummy and having you conveniently separate but available.

You passing your entrance exam (well done) will open life up for you and increase your confidence and options no end.

This has rattled him, so he's found the one thing that will keep you in your box.

Nearlythere80 · 09/03/2024 13:19

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:28

He's 39, I was young when I.had my 2 kids so it's starting allover again, I would like another baby but it's like giving another massive part of my life and I've just started studying to train as a vet. I'm not going down the ivf route

Show quote history

Well if you are serious about it you need to get cracking now, and both need to acknowledge it may not result in a baby. You certainly shouldn't wait until after vet school (isn't that 6 years?)
it seems a bit out of synch to not be living together even. Are you thinking that possibly he would look for someone else (younger, without kids, not about to start years of training) to do this with?

Lucy377 · 09/03/2024 20:37

"He's a mummy's boy the annoying mother in law type sticking her nose into everything, he says he wants to move in with me but she wants him to stay at home"

This has been going on 15 years. Why the hell would you have a baby now and be a single parent at home doing all the childminding.

If he wanted to live with you and be a Dad he could have lived with you and your children 10 years ago or more.

But he didn't. And he's not going to do it now.

A Mummy's boy wants to be parented, they don't want to be a parent. He's shown you for the past 15 years that he has no interest in parenting.
I suspect he skips off home to Mummy as soon as you turn your attention to your kids.

Wisenotboring · 09/03/2024 20:40

40 absolutely isn't too old but your circumstances make me suggest a hard no. I honestly also think you would struggle to give a small child the attention and time they need if you are also studying to be a vet...

ellyo · 09/03/2024 20:40

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:34

He's been around to bring them up since my son was 5 and my daughter was 7. The don't remember their biological gene pool of a dad luckily. He's a mummy's boy the annoying mother in law type sticking her nose into everything, he says he wants to move in with me but she wants him to stay at home

Show quote history

Erm, he (and you) need to see whose responsibility this really is. She can only behave like this if he enables her to. There's no way she can stop a grown man from moving in with his partner if he wants to. She is not the issue here!

BCBird · 09/03/2024 20:41

It's a no from me OP

bakewellbride · 09/03/2024 20:49

He IS your third baby! Run for the hills.

Powderblue1 · 09/03/2024 20:50

My good friend just had a baby and she is 40

Shetlands · 09/03/2024 21:13

Powderblue1 · 09/03/2024 20:50

My good friend just had a baby and she is 40

Is she on epilepsy medication that might have caused disabilities in her baby?

NorthCliffs · 09/03/2024 21:18

Hopefully this is another made-up post. What is it with today?!

TempleOfBloom · 09/03/2024 21:24

Vet training is incredibly intense and challenging. The vet stuff t in our family has to do compulsory placements in the holidays, including having to do a lambing placement (up all night) and dairy, both of which had to be residential unless you lived right by a suitable farm. The studying is intense and the exams have a high pass threshold for going into the next year,

I cannot begin to see how anyone could do this with a small child.

I had a baby in my early 40s, no issues with conception, pregnancy, birth or my energy throughout the phases of their growing up.

In truth, in your shoes I would have reservations. But you know yourself better than we do.

tillytoodles1 · 09/03/2024 21:25

By the time I was 40, my kids were 18 and 16, there's no way I would have had another one at that age after seeing my mum having a baby at 41 and thinking I was old enough to look after him all the time because I was 15.

Vettrianofan · 09/03/2024 21:28

FrenchandSaunders · 09/03/2024 08:17

Why did it take him 15 years to decide he wants a baby. I think that ship has sailed now.

Exactly. A puppy is (slightly) easier in this situation 😬

Clearinguptheclutter · 09/03/2024 21:31

Raka124 · 09/03/2024 08:22

He also still lives with his parents I live with my grown up kids. We have never lived together

I know plenty of people that have had a baby in their early 40s.
but you’d be mad to consider having a baby with someone who you’ve been with for 15 years but still hasn’t left home!

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