POAS..the last hurrah 🌈

[MrsJGrealish]

@bringmearainbow @Bubblesandballoons @bunnykins123 @curliegirlie @FfoxRedN @LuckyMoonstone @TheBirdintheCave
@calimc83 @Indianna2006

I finished the last thread..if you want to continue your journey ❤️

I may have forgotten some. Please add🙏

@bringmearainbow I was sending silent prayers for you today. I'm so very sorry.

I am so sorry to read that @bringmearainbow 💔. This journey is so so hard.

@bringmearainbow I'm so so sorry. I've been thinking of you all morning. Sending you so much love xx

@bringmearainbow I am so so sorry 💔

Thanks ladies❤️ I just don't know what to do from here I feel so 50/50 about trying again. I should be 7+4 today so I think it's unlikely that next week will show anything different. It's going to be a long week

@bringmearainbow oh lovely I'm so sorry to hear your update. Sending you so much love 💕 xx

@bringmearainbow I’m so sorry hun. God the world is just shit sometimes isn’t it 💔

Wait until confirmation next week. But I totally understand why you feel 50/50 about where you go from here. You must be so confused and feel so lost.

@bringmearainbow oh hun, I'm so so sorry to read your update. Sending you lots of love ❤️ xxx

Gosh I'm struggling to concentrate on anything today 🙈 I've given myself a talking to and I suppose there is a small glimmer of hope for next week a very small one but it's there I think 🤔 got positive lh on 12/8 then a vvfl on 21/8 so I could be closer to the 7 week mark scan shows ga of around 6+4. I do have a retroverted uterus which can sometimes make scans harder I think even a tv scan if the sonographer isn't that good and she didn't seem as throughly prodding around in there unlike some I've had 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe I'm just clutching 😳

@bringmearainbow I was gonna ask how you are but stopped myself thinking stupid question. When I was scanned at 6+1 the midwife commented on the quality of the scan picture (I have the same tilted uterus) now this baby was fine but another midwife came in and they talked about maybe moving me to the gynae scanner which is better. They didn't in the end I was more worried about an ectopic and there clearly wasn't one. So yes do hold on to hope xx

My procedure is at the end of next week. Hospital rang about 2 hours ago. They won't sedate me. It's just an injection in the cervix. I'm gonna contact my own gp for help to get me through it. She actually rang last Wednesday totally out of the blue and agreed that sedation should be offered. Any issues to contact her

@bringmearainbow tilted uterus over here too! I have also been told that it can make scans more difficult so it is true. Implantation makes a difference too, not just ovulation date. What exactly did they see on the scan in terms of sac, fetal pole etc?

@MrsJGrealish no sedation are they mad😳😳 Blimy glad the gp is on your side lovely!

@LuckyMoonstone she didn't tell me sac size there was yolk and fetal pole was 4mm just no heartbeat. They looked at me with the most amount of sadness I've ever seen in the sonographers room and I couldn't get myself together enough to ask any questions that I now have 🤦🏼‍♀️

@bringmearainbow jeez lovely you poor thing 😢 I'm not surprised you couldn't get a question out.

Well I mean men have their own rules 🙄 I was offered a spinal block but I can't, I just can't. The needle, the spine it scares me too much

@MrsJGrealish I'm still cross that they won't sedate you but am very glad your GP supports you in saying you need it.

If it helps at all, I had a spinal block after I gave birth to G (for surgical repairs) and it was the thing I was most terrified of BUT it was actually fine, I barely felt a thing.

@MrsJGrealish the idea of the spinal block is horrendous, but honestly it’s not bad at all.

@TheBirdintheCave the consultant was just awful. (mine is on holiday 🙄 and half my notes are missing) I think i confused him by automatically refusing the spinal block.

He started to talk about a tablet that would bring on early menopause with an HRT component. I know for certainty I can't take HRT and also why are you giving me options for something that you're not certain I have. The man never laid a finger on me. He was all over the place recommending this then that, said he might be scraping for 40 mins then offering me a balloon that would burst in my uterus and release hot fluid 😱.

I agreed to the local to get out of the room. I hope the offer of the spinal block is still on the table if he starts the scraping procedure. Im actually terrified now.

But at least it'll be over soon and I'll know what I'm dealing with 🙈

Hope you're feeling ok? C'mon nausea and nipples like bricks!!! 😘

@LuckyMoonstone I sneaky looked at your Facebook (might wanna change that 🙈🤣) your little girl is gorgeous!!! Such a head of hair 😍 congratulations again lovely 🥰

@MrsJGrealish I agree it sounds awful but isn't too bad 🙈 that dr sounds like a right plonker though 😳

@MrsJGrealish haha I know mine is set to fully not private lol I keep meaning to change that, but obviously I don’t mind you looking! Awww thank you, she is a sweetie😊 oh god that procedure sounds horrible, you are so brave. Hopefully it is the best course of action and will be worth it.

@MrsJGrealish A hot balloon?? What the hell?? 😱

@TheBirdintheCave I looked at DH when he said this and his face 😨 that will absolutely not be happening, I do NOT give consent! (I assume this is ablation? I haven't googled any further)

Ablation for a possible fibroid embedded in my muscle. Nope. No way. Not a chance.

How is everyone doing?

I am so scared about Thursday. I have no idea how I'm going to physically walk into the room where we've had so much bad news without crying.

@TheBirdintheCave you got this lovely. I couldn't even get a word out last week when they asked me why I was there I just started crying they handed me tissues and got to work ❤️ it's ok to feel all the emotions even when you're there they are used to it. What time is your app on Thurs?

@bringmearainbow Mercifully it's at 9.45 so I won't have long to wait. It's a 30 minute trip to the hospital so we'll be going pretty much as soon as we've dropped G off at childcare.

I think it doesn't help that my EPU aren't particularly nice or well informed. It feels like they don't read patients notes before they go in so last time I got asked some really stupid questions and had to tell them that my baby had died.

@TheBirdintheCave oh I get that the ladies at the desk know me by name now but the sonographers are always different I've never seen the same one which amazes me because I've had a lot of scans 😳 they always ask why I'm there when I get in the scan room so I think it's probably practice they don't read notes prob too booked in and it takes too much time 🙄Usually I'm pretty good but this time I just couldn't get any words out 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm glad it's early for you. I opted for early weds I had a choice of 9am or 10.20 and it means getting mil to sort DS out but I couldn't wait until 10.20 we opted for 9