Completely fed up

[Asthenia]

Anyone else? 6 months off the pill, 6 months of tracking and timing and temping and have just come on my (most painful) period yet. I’m fed up of seeing pregnancy announcements on social media, fed up of reading into every little symptom - last night I had a really painful tailbone which I read online could be a symptom and massively got my hopes up...what an idiot! Fed up of sore boobs. Fed up of putting off buying another pair of period knickers which I love because they’re expensive and next month might be the month! Fed up of googling every tiny thing (I need my phone taken off me!) fed up of worrying about my 8 day luteal phase and constantly looking for stories about how people conceived despite it.
I’m about to turn 30 which I KNOW is young, and I KNOW 6 months of TTC isn’t that long but it doesn’t feel that way. Four of my friends have got pregnant in the last 6 months, two of them completely by accident, the other two on their first go. I’m happy for them but it doesn’t help in making me feel like there’s something wrong with me - I would feel less bad if it had taken them longer.
I also feel like every time I google/mumsnet I find posts that I’m nodding along with about not getting pregnant and then the poster says they’ve already got 1 or 2 children. I imagine secondary infertility must be painful and I’m not belittling that but sometimes it makes me feel worse because I think well at least you know your body is capable of pregnancy, I’ve never even had a hint of a positive test in my life (this isn’t bashing or criticising anyone btw, just my own stupid thought process).
Feeling very negative but I think that’s probably largely to do with horrendous period pains and CD1 and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. Anyone else completely fed up? Please feel free to rant.

I use the syringe with preseed but I only use 1ml or so each time. I'd recommend the SMEP plan. It definitely "works". Unfortunately I'm on CD1 after a chemical pregnancy. But will be going straight back to SMEP and preseed schedule.

Fingers crossed for you SE. Fluctuations in tests darkness is really common and often nothing to worry about.

Thanks @AlexaPlayWhiteNoise, that is reassuring, and thanks for the congrats @MaltyJones92. Actually, after I posted that it seemed to get darker and comparing it now to yesterday's now they have faded it doesn't seem much different and the urine was much more dilute. I guess there's nothing to do but ride it out and what will be will be...still got all my symptoms which I guess is good x

I hope everything’s OK @SEpoppet ?? How are you feeling?
@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise yes I’ve heard SMEP is good! Will definitely give it a go if this cycle is a write-off. God TTC is knackering!! I can see the relief in my partner’s eyes whenever I announce fertile week is over
Sorry to hear about your CP - fingers crossed this means this month will be super fertile for you?

@Asthenia Hello! Bit late to the party but feeling very similar. Hope your TWW turns out to be an actual two weeks for you and you get your bfp.

I'm feeling hollow this morning. After 9 weeks with no period when I came off the pill, everything has been super standard - od day 14, af day 29 but yesterday I got some spotting on 9dpo, I was like omg I'm getting implantation bleeding, this is it! No. It's AF coming 5 days early to really p on my chips. 😭

Considering buying some at home fertility tests.

None of my friends are trying currently but one good friend has a baby 6 months and one had a baby last week. They're both older than me, one got pregnant in 3 goes the other was a complete accident whilst travelling - she just married the guy on the beach at 7 months pregnant. Great for them but.... Wahhhhhhhhh

I'm 34 so a little older than you :)

Hey @Asthenia thanks for asking. Things are better today, I did a test with SMU and it was darker than it had ever been so I'm feeling a bit more positive. It scared me though and made me realise how precarious is all is! Just got to keep the faith. @cyclogoose sorry to hear about AF. Best of luck for the next cycle - I'm 33 and it took 6 cycles, wasn't on the pill or any hormonal contraception before x

@CycloGoose the same thing happened to me last cycle, a little blood at 9DPO I convinced myself was implantation... but it didn't stop and was AF five days early I was gutted. I don't think I'm ovulating this cycle either which has really deflated me.

Congratulations @SEpoppet !! God you must be bouncing off the walls. So lovely 🥰 What a great valentine's gift. An October baby as well ☺️ I had my heart set on an Autumn baby but I would take anything now!

I think 6 months seems fairly average which is why it seems to feel a bit harder not being successful this month. Though, I have just realised it was only cycle 5 not cycle 6 because of the delayed start.

So, all in for November due dates!

@glow92 it's horrible isn't it! Why tf would our bodies do this to us? Hard enough as it is. What cycle are you on? What cycle day? Were you on hormonal contraception before? Could just be settling back into a normal rhythm.

I feel horrible today. My uterus just seems to be screaming 'I hate you'. Hormonal much!?

I'm was on Cerelle for 8 years, currently CD16 still no sign of anything on OPK's yet. I know it can still happen but I only had a 25 day cycle last month with a short 8day LP so I'm not expecting miracles 😞.

I don't know much about cycles returning to normal after mini pill. Cd16 is still totally acceptable and always the possibility that you missed it on the opks but anovulatory happen too. Why do our bodies have to be so complicated!?

@Asthenia

I hope everything’s OK *@SEpoppet* ?? How are you feeling? *@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise* yes I’ve heard SMEP is good! Will definitely give it a go if this cycle is a write-off. God TTC is knackering!! I can see the relief in my partner’s eyes whenever I announce fertile week is over Sorry to hear about your CP - fingers crossed this means this month will be super fertile for you?

It definitely takes the romance and spontaneity out of sex but no denying it works. And you don't stress about having missed the window. Are you using opks or bbt temping?

Re the chemical, it's a bit shit but looking at the positives, I ovulated, it fertilised and implanted, it was just a bum egg (or sperm, probably sperm, let's blame dh 😂) I went all last year without ovulating at all. When we lost DS2 I lost a lot of weight so I'm wondering if it kick started my system but the eggs aren't up to scratch.

[quote CycloGoose]@Asthenia Hello! Bit late to the party but feeling very similar. Hope your TWW turns out to be an actual two weeks for you and you get your bfp.

I'm feeling hollow this morning. After 9 weeks with no period when I came off the pill, everything has been super standard - od day 14, af day 29 but yesterday I got some spotting on 9dpo, I was like omg I'm getting implantation bleeding, this is it! No. It's AF coming 5 days early to really p on my chips. 😭

Considering buying some at home fertility tests.

None of my friends are trying currently but one good friend has a baby 6 months and one had a baby last week. They're both older than me, one got pregnant in 3 goes the other was a complete accident whilst travelling - she just married the guy on the beach at 7 months pregnant. Great for them but.... Wahhhhhhhhh

I'm 34 so a little older than you :)[/quote]
Cycles are shit when they throw you a curve ball. How are you tracking? TTC takes over your mind doesn't it. And it's so frustrating. I'm 34 too, don't worry, we're not over the hill yet 😁

@SEpoppet

Hey *@Asthenia thanks for asking. Things are better today, I did a test with SMU and it was darker than it had ever been so I'm feeling a bit more positive. It scared me though and made me realise how precarious is all is! Just got to keep the faith. @cyclogoose* sorry to hear about AF. Best of luck for the next cycle - I'm 33 and it took 6 cycles, wasn't on the pill or any hormonal contraception before x

Will keep my fingers crossed for a happy healthy uneventful nine months for you

Not over it yet but I cycled to the top of Alpe d'Huez in the summer whilst a stone overweight and completely out of shape. That seemed impossible at the time.

The twists and turns of these kind of cycles makes that seem like a piece of cake.

Just keep pedalling through our cycles girls and we WILL reach the top of our menstrual mountains!

Stupid curve ball.

If all else fails, throw a crazy metaphor at it. Cycle Day 1 insanity 😂😭😵🥴❤️

Aaaaand we’re back at CD1 over here absolutely gutted. Cycle 7 over and done with I guess. I know all this means is statistically it’s more likely to happen in the next 5 months or so and am holding onto that but there’s something about seeing AF arrive when you’ve been holding out hope that’s just so gutting. Ugh.
I’m definitely going to book a doctors appt to talk about my luteal phase. I ovulated on CD18 this month instead of 21 as usual and was really excited as thought it would give me a whole 11 day LP! But nope, had a 27 day cycle instead of my usual 30. My post ov temps never go higher than 36.65 either which I worry about - so many people seem to go up to 37!
Positives are we will potentially be moving in the next 6 weeks and I’ll need lots of energy for that, will probably be a bit stressful as well so maybe it’s for the best.
Anyway - moan over! How’s everyone doing?
@SEpoppet how’s it going for you?
@CycloGoose where are you at in your cycle?
@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise how are you feeling?

And everyone else!

I feel you @Asthenia It's all completely rotten. Indulge yourself XXX

I spoke to my GP and she was lovely and reassuring but no real info and she's not worried at all.
My temps never go over 37. If they do, I'm ill. I wouldn't worry too much about that.
I'm on CD5 though my temperature doesn't seem to have dropped so I took a test just in case it was really heavy implantation bleeding 🙄 obviously bfn. I did have a beer last night -probably that.
Purple clear blue start again tomorrow.
Where's the move? Buying/renting? Excited?

Take care honey and be kind to yourself xxx

It’s so rubbish @CycloGoose ! Not getting very much work done today, may sneak off slightly early to watch some Married At First Sight
Yeah I’m not sure how my GP will be, she’s usually really good but I guess as it hasn’t been a year yet there won’t be much she can say or do.
Sorry about the bfn, it’s still horrible seeing it even if you know you’re defo not. I try to avoid taking them!
We’re actually moving in with my partner’s parents (not permanently, thank god) - we’ve been renting for the past two years but now want to seriously save for a house. We’re really really lucky to be able to do this so not taking it for granted but I’m definitely a bit apprehensive about it all...hopefully it won’t stress me out too much.
Hopefully you’ll have a lucky cycle once AF is out the way! Fingers crossed xxx

@Asthenia I cannot imagine living with in laws whilst trying to conceive! It will be totally worth it to get on the ladder though.
We have been so lucky with our house as we got a really reduced price due some complicated history of the house. Needless lot of work but I've enjoyed doing it.
Still ongoing work to do but we are totally getting there. You'll just have to do your best and focus on the end goal.
I knew it would be negative but I thought I should probably just double check 🙄😂
Once I'm back at school next week, there's going to be little time to think about it again. Will just be trying to squeeze in dtd!
I've been feeding my husband supplements... He's not happy about it at all. Can't even get him to cut down on the coffee or beer really. I don't think he is concerned in the slightest. Meanwhile I'm probably too stressed about trying to get everything right and am creating a hostile environment that no little bundle of cells wants to nestle into 😂
We'll totally get there. I've realised this is cycle 6 for me as my first cycle was 9 weeks long.

That sucks asthenia CD1 is always a complete bastard. In usually a very healthy eater but I've consumed more rocky road and wine in the last few days than I care to think about and I hope you're doing the same. I'd definitely be making an appointment, and making noises about a fertility referral in that appointment so they know that that is your intention. We ended up living with my parents for seven months, it was supposed to be six weeks. I can look back on it fondly now but at the time 😬😂

CycloGoose If you can get coQ10 down your dh then that's supposed to be good for sperm production mine's a health junkie so is amenable to "take this, it's good for your balls". But he can't go to the gym so has been on the spin bike which stresses me out (not good for sperm!) so I make him exercise with the patio doors wide open whatever the weather

All OK here, CD7, my fertile week isn't for another fortnight or so but I'll start SMEP in a few days. Just ordered a fresh preseed and some new OPKs. Got all my vitamins in my weekly pill dispenser so I don't forget to take any. And this is me being laid back it actually feels less stressful this cycle, I think I'd built up so much to wanting to be pregnant before DS2s due date and now that defo wont happen it's a relief. Having the chemical made me realise my hysteria was getting to fever pitch and I need to calm down a bit.

How is everyone today?

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise sounds like a rocky road in more ways than one!!
I've given up chocolate for lent. I needed a kickstart. Been gradually losing a good portion of weight but I've been digging into the chocolate way more than is healthy.
I can't imagine the stress of having a miscarriage and then a chemical.
Ha! We have an exercise bike as well. My husband is going more down the running line at the moment but when schools open up he'll be commuting on his bike again.
The problem is that he's got a degree in public health and nutrition and no matter what I say about his balls, he thinks it's all balls.
I'm on CD6 and just started the CB opks again. No idea what's going to happen this month with my cycle after last month!

Hey @Asthenia, I'm so sorry it didn't work out this month. The first couple of days are the worst, as you know, and after that you'll start to feel better and look forward to the next cycle. You defo need to treat yourself with choc and wine, and MAFS!! You take care.

Thanks for your well wishes everyone, sorry I'm a bit late for saying thank you - I was trying to stay off MN for a bit as I'm feeling quite anxious still. I imagine I'm still pregnant as I haven't got my period and I've got symptoms but I stopped testing last weekend. I'm just looking forward to this weekend as then I will be 5 weeks and out of the chemical pregnancy danger zone!

I'm honestly keeping everything crossed for you all this month xxx

@asthenia sorry to hear AF arrived!

I had a long cycle this month 46 days so thought I would try the Conceive plus ovulation support supplements.

I started them yesterday and last night before bed I had some blood when I wiped sorry for the tmi! I had horrible pains in my stomach and back all night and AF is definitely here!

I'm only 26 so still young but when we got married nearly 4 years ago I imagined we would have a baby in 2020 or 2021 once we renovated our house and had a few more holidays.
Reality is if we don't conceive this cycle then we will be looking at a 2022 baby!
I have decided to try using the Conceive plus lube this month so will be using that as soon as I am in my fertile window.

Fingers crossed for everyone 🤞

@CycloGoose I know! I’m feeling slightly apprehensive but they have a decent sized house and we get on well...really hoping it will be OK and it will be so worth it as we’ll be able to save quite a bit. That’s good about your house - I wouldn’t mind getting a fixer-upper and doing it up! Would find it quite exciting but I can imagine it’s stressful at times.
I’ve been drinking pomegranate juice like mad and taking Vitamin C trying to give myself a nice thick womb lining, God knows if it’s working my partner already takes quite a lot of supplements as he’s very into his gym/exercise so we don’t think he needs to take anything else...I hope not anyway! It’s something I can always ask the GP about.
Eek Cycle 6! Just means you’re closer to getting that BFP.
@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise I definitely cracked out the wine last night. I don’t often drink but just felt like I really needed a couple of glasses.
7 months with the parents! We’re aiming for a year but I have 6 months in my head as a breaking point if it’s really terrible haha.
I think I’m going to order some Coq10, it’s worth a try! I’m really glad you’re feeling less stressed this cycle - I can imagine that was a factor you’d built up in your mind, so I’m glad that’s out of the way now. It’s so hard not to get obsessive!! Wheyyy for SMEP, I think we’re going to try it as well so will spend the next few days enjoying the rest then get on it from CD8!
@SEpoppet I’m feeling loads better today, there’s just something about CD1 that’s so shit. Pros are that it’s my birthday in early March and at least I’ll be able to have a few drinks!
No worries about getting back to us, completely empathise with the anxiety. It’s the downside of somewhere like this - it’s such a great and supportive environment but you also get more in your head about stuff. I’d never even heard of chemical pregnancies before I started reading here! I’m sure everything is absolutely fine but keeping everything crossed. It’s good you’ve stopped testing, I think that would make things worse to keep stressing about that.
@Sparkles512 oh no, do you think the vitamins brought AF on? No such thing as TMI to me, you should see my google history since I came off the pill
I was sure I’d have a 2021 baby, only one chance left now - but 2022 would be wonderful too! I always liked the idea of being pregnant at Christmas as well. Hope AF hurried up and you can get back on it!
Sending everyone good vibes. If anyone is lucky this month defo share here! It gives me hope!

I had a TfMR, we (well, I, I was on my own because dh wasn't allowed because covid) found out at the anomaly scan that DS2 had a very severe form of spina bifida. He was incredibly poorly already and was unlikely to survive till term, or survive birth, or survive the interventions he would have required after birth. So we had to let him go before he suffered any further. It was utterly horrific, but we got to meet him, we heard his heartbeat earthside and got to tell him how loved he is. But it does mean that TTC now is a difficult and different ball game and any subsequent pregnancy comes with the worry of another baby potentially being affected as well as the normal misscariage stress. Sorry to probably put a huge downer on the thread but I didnt want you to feel misinformed if you saw me posting on another thread about our loss.

It's a nightmare when they think they're well informed isn't it cyclo I'm thinking of giving up chocolate again, and wine. I need to rein myself in a bit. Lent is a good reason to be a bit more austere!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you SEpoppet

sparkles i know how frustrating it is, when you have a loose plan and then it doesn't materialise as you imagine. How long have you been TTC for? Those supplements sound good, I think I've looked into them before, are they the ones with inositol in?

@alexaplaywhitenoise I am so sorry for your loss sending big hugs ❤️

We have been trying for around 18 months although when Covid first hit last March we took a break for a few months as we weren't sure how things would go with our jobs etc.

Yes they have the inositol in which I've been told helps to regulate periods & helps with ovulation, I've always had painful, heavy and irregular periods.
I've also got the Conceive plus lube to use this month. Anything is worth a try right?
Fingers crossed for you 🤞