Completely fed up

[Asthenia]

Anyone else? 6 months off the pill, 6 months of tracking and timing and temping and have just come on my (most painful) period yet. I’m fed up of seeing pregnancy announcements on social media, fed up of reading into every little symptom - last night I had a really painful tailbone which I read online could be a symptom and massively got my hopes up...what an idiot! Fed up of sore boobs. Fed up of putting off buying another pair of period knickers which I love because they’re expensive and next month might be the month! Fed up of googling every tiny thing (I need my phone taken off me!) fed up of worrying about my 8 day luteal phase and constantly looking for stories about how people conceived despite it.
I’m about to turn 30 which I KNOW is young, and I KNOW 6 months of TTC isn’t that long but it doesn’t feel that way. Four of my friends have got pregnant in the last 6 months, two of them completely by accident, the other two on their first go. I’m happy for them but it doesn’t help in making me feel like there’s something wrong with me - I would feel less bad if it had taken them longer.
I also feel like every time I google/mumsnet I find posts that I’m nodding along with about not getting pregnant and then the poster says they’ve already got 1 or 2 children. I imagine secondary infertility must be painful and I’m not belittling that but sometimes it makes me feel worse because I think well at least you know your body is capable of pregnancy, I’ve never even had a hint of a positive test in my life (this isn’t bashing or criticising anyone btw, just my own stupid thought process).
Feeling very negative but I think that’s probably largely to do with horrendous period pains and CD1 and hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. Anyone else completely fed up? Please feel free to rant.

@SEpoppet thanks. Yep l know what you mean, tests are tricky to negotiate, as you don’t want to sabotage that month. Good luck with the sperm analysis. You both need testing -too many doctors focus too much on the woman

I’m not going to lie it’s been a nightmare emotionally, physically and financially. Then further compounded by other people’s stupid comments! You’re both a bit old (we were 36 and 38 when we started ). You need to be patient (this was after 2 years by someone who got impatient in a fraction of that time). Blatant boredom through the majority of it -this was from my mother

Hi Ladies hope you're all well!

I'm currently on CD 34 and no sign of AF, I did a test on the weekend which was negative and I'm pretty certain I'm not pregnant.

I haven't got my usual cramps and cravings like I have before my period but I have had irregular periods in the past.

Just want AF to arrive so I can carry on trying!

Hey @Sparkles512 the waiting around is the worst part! I hope AF comes quickly for you so you can crack on!

Thanks @Asthenia will do. @WhatKatyDidNxt honestly people are so effing insensitive it beggars belief. Sorry you have to put up with it. People ask me quite often when I'm having kids and it really pisses me off. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but quite a few of my mates send me endless photos of their babies and that annoys me too!

As you can all probably tell I'm feeling really relaxed this month . @Sparkles512 hope you get AF soon and can crack on x

I can completely relate too!

I’m 27 this month. My husband is 29 this month. We’ve been together just over 5 years.

I’ve been off the pill since March 2020. We’ve been consciously dying since July time - tracking ovulation etc and trying for baby number one.

Every month I get my hopes up, imagine symptoms and then receive negative after negative pregnancy test.

I too am feeling more and more down due to all of the social media posts about people’s pregnancies! I can’t believe how many people have got pregnant/had babies in the last year or so - or am I imagining it more now?

I also find myself getting frustrated hearing about other people accidentally falling pregnant. I think I was definitely very naive prior to TTC - I thought it would be simple to have a baby and I’d be pregnant in a couple of months. I was clearly very naive!

I hate feeling envious of other people. And of course in my more rational moments I am happy for everyone else who had conceived.

Every month I am getting more and more disheartened.

Please know that you’re not alone! I wish you all the luck on your TTC journey.

trying not dying*

@CG21 it's shit isn't it. I thought it would happen immediately too! I find it really hard not to imagine there is something wrong when we are literally doing EVERYTHING right.

How do everyone's DPs feel about it? Mine's definitely more chilled than me, although he told me he had a dream this morning that we had a child but one of us wasn't it's real parent- so I think maybe it is bothering him more than he lets on.

@SEpoppet

I feel the same. I’m starting to worry that there is something wrong with one of us. But I just think it’s probably just paranoia more than anything. They do say 90 odd percent will conceive within a year!

My husband is much more relaxed then I am and he keeps saying it will happen eventually etc etc. But, I think each month he is increasingly shocked when I’m not pregnant and is getting a little more disheartened and concerned. But generally he is much more positive than I am!

I think it’s different when you’re the woman though because it’s our body - so we feel more emotionally connected to the process?

See I’ve always had a gut feeling that there would be something wrong, even though I have no reason to! Always had regular periods etc but I’ve always just had a deep gut feeling, I’ve never been able to imagine being pregnant. But obviously still hoping. Then when my friends got pregnant so quickly and said they felt the same way I did I thought oh maybe it’ll be easy for me too!
My partner is so relaxed about the whole thing and keeps saying that the vast majority of people can have children, why would I automatically assume we’re in the group that can’t without reason? Which makes sense but as you say I think it’s harder for us as we’re the ones monitoring every little thing, they just step up when needed!

I think secondary infertility must be tough, but I think it feels all the tougher for people who didnt battle infertility to have their first (by infertility, I mean 12 months). I'll need IVF to get a second and I'll be upset and disappointed if it doesn't work, but having had IVF to get my first after many years of devastation, I know there's no comparison.

I've sympathy for anyone with infertility and whose dream family might not happen, but it's true that secondary infertility is nothing compared to being childless.

Good luck everyone!

Please can I join this thread and have a little vent? CD3 of cycle 3 and I'm hormonal and grumpy about it all, even though it is of course still so early in the journey.

I came off the pill in Sept and got to know my cycle while we used condoms for a bit. It took a little while to settle but ovulation from OPKs seems to be a pretty standard time for me each month. So I'm fairly sure we've been timing it right, it's just a roll of the dice that isn't going our way yet.

But bloody hell it is already frustrating. It doesn't help that a family member gave birth earlier this month either. I hate feeling jealous - it's just luck and the statistical likelihood is that it will happen for us all eventually, but the green-eyed monster is hard to fight

@Asthenia have you tried preseed? Seemed to work wonders although could of been a coincidence of course. Sorry to give annoying and pointless advice if you’re already using it x

Hey @Chasingamy we used Preseed last cycle! I wasn’t sure if worth it though as I’m generally OK in the EWCM department...or does it not matter? Will give anything a go TBH!
Feeling a bit more positive today as it’s CD17 and I’ve had a positive OPK - the earliest I’ve ever had a positive before is CD20 so I’m hoping this means my cycles are sorting themselves out a bit and I’ll get treated to a whole 11 day luteal phase who knows!
Hope everyone’s having a good weekend?

Great you've had a positive @Asthenia! Fingers crossed for you. I've used preseed the last few months but obv doesn't seem to make a difference, but I do hear good things. I used a ferti lily cup this month for the first time. I'm still in 2ww but will obv keep you posted x

Secondary infertility is absolutely a different struggle to primary infertility (I have experienced both). Both can be soul destroying and emotionally exhausting.

I recognize I'm probably not welcome here to rant as I already have a child and I know I can get pregnant despite fertility issues (we lost DS2 at 21+4) so I'll bow out and just wish you all the best

lobster8 I am so, so very sorry for your loss

Hi @AllHailJackieWeaver I’m so sorry for your loss. That absolutely wasn’t the point of my original post, it was just one of many things I was feeling a bit grumpy about that day. I’ve said a couple of times that I absolutely acknowledge the pain of secondary infertility, just that it must be different.
Everyone’s situation is different, and anyone is welcome here. I absolutely wouldn’t dismiss anyone’s pain. Please feel welcome to join if you would like.

To clarify my original post about secondary infertility: I haven’t been diagnosed with anything wrong and I have no reason (yet) to think something is wrong. I’ve never been pregnant in my life, so often I’m googling stuff and scrolling through threads of other posters agonising about TTC or if they can get pregnant, and it’s very reassuring if/when they get pregnant. It’s just slightly different for me when Im following along with a thread then the OP says they already have children/a child. Because in my head I’m like - oh, well our situation is different then and I can’t relate as much because you’ve been pregnant and you know your body has had the ability to carry a child. Does that make sense?
My original post was never intended as any kind of attack on anyone struggling with TTC.

Absolutely Asthenia, you make perfect sense. And it is different, the stress and fed up I felt prior to falling pregnant with and having DS1 was different the the stress and worry of ttc DS2, and now because of our experience there, ttc a third time is a completely different kettle of fish, because there's grief in there too, and fear it will happen again, and impending due dates etc.

And TTC is incredibly frustrating, because it's such a guessing game. And even if you do everything "right" then you still might not get the bfp. It's exhausting, physically and emotionally, you put so much into it. And then it's a disappointment.

I'd second the pp who said preseed though, it worked for us. And just make sure you're taking a prenatal vitamin. Ttc takes over your life with the endless waiting, hoping and wanting, it's shit. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

Hi all, just wanted to share my news and I'm only sharing because it might give some others hope. Two days ago at 10dpo I did a test because I felt so tortured by the 2ww and just wanted to rule out a positive so I could move on and book DH's semen analysis. To my absolute shock and surprise it was a positive and really quite clear. I've repeated the test until today and the line has got darker so I can only assume I am pregnant, but I am only 12dpo which is still very early so I know that anything can happen. I will be very upset of anything goes wrong but it honestly does give me hope that I can actually get pregnant! This is my 6th cycle and I honestly did think there was a problem as I had done everything right every single month and nothing had happened. People say 'oh I didn't know when I was ovulating for the first few months' but I definitely did and we had lots of sex. So, it just goes to show that sometime it does genuinely just take a while and don't give up hope! I found it difficult to see pregnancy announcements and be happy so please don't feel you have to comment and say congrats or anything - just hold on to a bit of hope x

Omg @SEpoppet that’s fantastic news!!!!! And genuinely does give me hope as I’m just in the TWW for cycle 7! Congratulations, I’m very very pleased for you, you must be thrilled!

How’s everyone else getting on? If anyone is on Instagram, the Positive Birth Company are releasing a TTC pack course in a few weeks. They asked their followers some questions recently and found almost 70% were surprised by how long it took to conceive. I think I’m going to sign up as it feels really good to talk about it! Even just looking at the comments under their insta post made me feel a lot more normal.

Hope everyone is OK, sending lots of positive energy your ways!

@Asthenia thanks so much. That sounds like a good thing to get involved in. Keep us all updated!

It might be worth mentioning for anyone interested that this month we DTD every other day from end of my period to 3 days before ov. Then we did it every day until the day after ov. I used a bit of preseed and also for the first time a ferti lily cup (you can get them from amazon). I really think this helped as well as all the sex!

@SEpoppet that is really useful to know. We tend to do it every 3 days from the end of my period, then ovulation week every day/every other day, then we stop after ovulation day but if we haven’t done it this cycle then I’m telling him to buckle up for the next one we’ll try your schedule!
With the pre-seed, do you use the droppers inside you? We’ve tried it and it felt horrible so we’ve just been using it like normal lube but if it helps I’ll just grin and bear it.

Congratulations @SEpoppet! It's always nice to to see positive news on these threads as it gives me hope too.

@Asthenia thanks for the tip with Positive Birth Company - I've just started following them on Insta.

I'm also thinking about using Preseed as I keep hearing good things about it.

About to start my 2WW so will be buying it next month if we're unsuccessful again.

Well guys, bit of an emotional morning for me as I did a test again and the line has got lighter. It wasn't with FMU as yesterday's was so I am keeping fingers crossed but not hopeful sadly. I'll let you know. Thanks for the congrats though.

@Asthenia I used the dropper but only used 1mg as felt if I used any more it would all sort of leak out at the end! Sorry for anyone eating brekkie 😂