Planet viroid, a spiritual home for all of the shaggers! It's JS 61, this is going to be the big one!

[Tinkfromlovejoy]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Just came across dh's baby album by pure chance in a totally different cupboard to where it usually belongs... going through it made me so much more emotional than usual. It's like the reality of what we want to do hit me like a (good!) smack in the face

And then I made a mental note to buy carrots

Bugger, I hate carrots. Bet that's why

Amazing chat I'm so happy for you!!!!

I'm also v excited about my wedding photographer

Made the call, appt is on 20 Sept. Didn't expect to get an appt so quickly, it's completely thrown me. I know I should be happy about it, but I'm all over the place for some reason atm.

Love carrots, didn't realise the magic they could do.

Well done Angel 🖒 Love that username btw.

Hang on in there angel

Yay chat
Nfmv, usual usual... Day 9, low fertility on naughty monitor. As expected :). This month or next is it though. My body is on a warning!

Talk to me about monitors then.....
Is it worth it? I've binned all my icopks and my thermometer but a monitor thingummy is one of the few things I've never tried. Should I have a bash with one?
Also going to look at the stork thing, I know honey had one, if you're lurking how was it? Sorry I can't remember, or has anyone else tried it? Tia

tink I just use the dual hormone clear blue thingy. Only for one month though.

I am out for this month. Will probably leave ttc for a while.

Good luck everyone, hopefully I won't see you back here in 2017!

The cbafm is just a posh version of opks, I've been using both tbh, because I'm desperate lol!

So sorry fleur! Come back soon!

Tink I too am planning on buying shares in a carrot farm as well as FRER

Feel like I am coming down with a lurgy... Have dosed up on vit C and am going to use my neti pot.

Love a Neti pot kwick!

tink the stork was posted to me by the lovely honey. It obviously worked a treat . Too expensive to keep trying and I don't think it does anything a softcup full of jizz wouldn't!

Sorry fleur

I use cbfm tink which I quite like as it takes the guess work and squinting out of opks! it also tests for pregnancy but only let's you do it at appropriate times hence reduced poas-age bit pricey but bought mine on eBay so not too bad!
Welcome to all the newbies and returning jsers Lil 10weeks ya mad woman!
Nfmv bugger all af due like 3days ago nothing poas bfn went swimming to evoke Los nothing Deffo not poas now till cd 35 as never gone long than that without af arriving however as pretty sure not iced this cycle it's more of an annoyance than anything!

Hugs fleur

I've only just started so might well still be here in 2017

Sorry fleur

angel it's scary getting the fc appointment through- is that what's happening for you on Sep 20th? We've had our appointment through for August 30th and im feeling a bit unsettled about it. On the one hand at least plans are a foot in case we need a bit of help getting pg but on the other hand I think I expected that we wouldn't need the appointment when it finally happened...

Aah conflicting emotions, one of the more familiar and unwelcome parts of TTC!!

I'm enjoying catching up on how everyone else is getting on. I've been using the cbafm- a friend loaned me hers which she didn't need as she got upduffed so quickly
I like it, it's like an idiot-proof opk but effeing expensive!

Morning shaggers

Lots of love fleur - I hope you're ok

Did not know that about the carrots!!

Cannot I'm very impressed at your JSing after ten years! 2 years ttc took a lot of the fun out of it for me. I joined this thread after a year of shagging with no luck. Didn't start cuntraband until six months later through desperation.

Cbfm is great and helped me conceive DS, but I had to understand what the problem was too first (short LP - I took b complex). Took about 2 cycles for it to get used to my cycle and then it pinpointed the two peak fertile days accurately. I also used preseed and epo. Cbfm was well worth the money for me but I know some people don't get on with it

This time I am using cbfm and temping just to try to work out if I'm even icing due to lack of af. It's really interesting - there's definitely a cycle and it looks like I am icing, but the temps and cbfm are disagreeing on when it happened. I'm either 11dpo or 15dpo right now. No af and no symptoms. Limbo...

Chat I'm so delighted for you. Stick stick sticky bean!!!

Just is country your photographer??? That would be so freaking amazing!!!

Corgi that you're sad. You've come this far but I know it must be a hard slog, my friend is GP and I remember how hard it was! It will be hopefully worth it when you get there! The ttc is bloody frustrating though I hear you. We are putting our moving plans on hold until I'm hopefully upduffed. We want to move back to Scotland. Lots of pressure

Angel I'm so pleased for you but also it must feel like a huge step to finally make the appointment. But this is a good thing, you're one step closer

What's the stork?

Another bfn - this really is a wtaf cycle

Morning Lala! Oh we only started ttc 2 days ago but we've been together for 10 years It's always been a running joke that I'm very enthusiastic shall we say and hopefully ttc won't change that. We're pretty laid back about the whole thing so definite JSers for the foreseeable...

Re cuntraband I've done a lot of Googling of acronyms since joining this thread and already learnt a lot in these 2 short days!

Sorry about your bfn positive thoughts for next cycle

Thanks vidroids, I think I just expected I'd be really pleased to get the appt through, so these negative feelings have just thrown me a bit.

Scottish yes it's our 1st appt with fc. I think I'm feeling a bit like you, very mixed emotions.

Sorry Fleur look after yourself

Kwick boo to the lurgy, hope you're feeling better soon.

La gx for answers 1 way or another soon.

I can feel myself getting swayed by all this contraband chat ...

Don't do it angel it doesn't really change anything using the contraband except diminish your bank balance

It just gives the illusion of having more control over the situation than you really have, which is good for me control freak but may not be for you.

STAY STRONG!

Sorry fleur

And you la for bfn, still in with a shout though.

Angel you'll be fine. None of this ttc malarkey is easy unless you're pregnant imo.

Thanks for all the cbfm chat. I've put one in my Amazon wishlist.

CD27 here and dh forgot the frer so poas tomorrow instead of today. All hope has faded now, think it's just an ordinary cycle. Af due from Sunday.

Sorry you're finding it hard going corgi. Just remember, you've already done a gp placement and managed fine....it's just because you've been in hospital for so long and its all new again. The first few weeks of a new job are always crap anyway, I find- it's that change in expectations. I am really missing psych at the moment, I felt like I was good at it and feel a bit rubbish at palliative care.

Hope everyone's ok otherwise!

Sorry lala

Have treated myself to the afternoon off work as I am still under the weather.

angel all of this is hard and having mixed feelings about going to an FC is very normal, imo.
At least you might get some help?

Bfn on a boots own digi. Although I pissed on it this afternoon at least 3 days before af is officially late, so hardly surprising Even if I had managed to get upduffed I'm fairly sure even a frer wouldn't know yet! Can't help but piss on sticks if they're in the house.

Get well soon kwick

Will now wait for af and order the cbfm. Have lovely weekends viroids

tink you know the rules re early pissing! Naughty!!!

I cant believe my wedding is in a week...