Planet viroid, a spiritual home for all of the shaggers! It's JS 61, this is going to be the big one!

[Tinkfromlovejoy]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thanks cori for translating patent

BTW my itchiness countinues - no more bite marks but look at these pics

Oh kwick that looks so irritated. I've no idea what could have caused it, but have you tried bathing in oatmeal - might help to soothe it a bit.

Btw, I have some opks looking for a new home if anyone wants them

angel how do I bathe in oatmeal?

kwick looks sore :(

Got appointment date for clinic, it's 9th Nov so I'm sure now I won't be pregnant for when I should have had my baby.

Hi, would love to join you...if that's okay.
Not TTC yet, waiting until December as stuff planned for first part of next year. Have DS 9 from previous relationship and currently flipping between definitely want another and am I out of my tiny mind (I'm 38). Know deep down that another would be lovely.

Yes my employer is indeed NHS kwick problem is that not many of us know what is and isn't breaking the law and when I tried to look stuff up was all a bit woolley so still none the wiser I assume half of it is at least skating around the edges!

kwick that really does look irritating have you had a derm referral?

Hello viroids! Actually properly caught up now. DS has vomiting bug so I'm sitting all night holding him as if he lies down he vomits. Poor love.

At least it gave me opportunity to read da Fred.

Tabby it's you! I was thinking about you recently and wondering how you were! You vanished and we never heard how baby was but presumably you had him and here you are upduffed again - amazing!!!

Kwick jeez girl you've been through it but I'm so delighted that your tubes are squeaky clean and ready for jizz. Could they shed any light on why the ttc hasn't been successful so far or is that bit still to come?
Oh and def not bed bugs they bite in a wee line. My vote is fleas or you're allergic to something - have you changed washing powder?

Zyla tell that witch to feck off. Stupid bitch. I'm so sorry that you're finding it so hard and it's totally understandable you want to be pregnant before your baby's due date. Lots of for you. Glad your holiday was good - keep persevering with the shagging. We will cheer you on.

hello you lovely viroid you, how are you doing?

Just! Countdown to wedding? I'm excited to see these photos! So sorry about your wee puss tat :(

Fleur my ttc pal sorry the witch zoomed in, stupid uninvited wankbadger. Dust it off, ell your dh to step up and get your cape on.

Cori wtaf is your work playing at!? Not on. Def see someone about leaky boobs probs just hormones but can't hurt to get checked.

Stuck hey come on in!

Angel its natural to have a wobble. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. And gin.

Glad your holiday was good cookie well done on the cape action!

Hi *Mabel nice to meet you!

Chat squeeeeeee! Hope you're ok?

I have read all the posts but going back further to answer each one is making my head hurt so I'll pause there.

I think I might have iced yesterday. I had what felt like an enormous pain on my right side of womb. It was pretty constant for half the day. Don't think much chance this month. We dtd Friday. But I have had SO much Ewcm it's unreal.

God I'm tired and I'm working in 6 hours

Welcome stuck!!

cori I have not even seen my GP about itching but I have been here, there and everywhere and it is always so hard to get an appointment.

lala I thought it might be washing powder and so changed to Ecover which has never caused a problem before.
i have done 2 IVFS - first one I got BFP but then MC at 8 weeks, second time no real reason why it did not work as embryo was top quality but they so not check for chromosonal issues - but these effect many and especially as I am no spring chicken. i have also done 5 IUIs -hopefully tube cleaning will give me a better shot next time, if that does not work I will so IVF round 3.

Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Welcome stuck you're in good hands with the vidroids.

La good to hear from you, not so good to hear about DS. V good news on the icing front - sounds like it was prob quite a strong ice.

Kwick you can just grind the oatmeal & put it into your bath. Or if the bits would get to you, you can put the oatmeal into a muslin bag, & hang the bag from the tap so the water flows over it. Should ease the irritation a bit.

Thanks angel (is oatmeal the same as oats?)

Np kwick, oatmeal is basically porridge oats.

It's Friday at last I've had a mental week at work, going out for dinner tonight & I think I might just allow myself a few drinks. Weirdly for the past few days my body has felt like it's gearing up to ice (I'm cd 20 now), gx my positive affirmations are doing the world of good.

Happy weekend vidroids

Dear viroids (which autocorrected, as ever and superfluously, as "virgins") of Planet Viroid.
I bring you this message from another time. From a time before kwick, tabby and cori to name but a few, but from jelly, la, honey and the rest.
I am auficially reincarnated as a Sellout, aiming to shag once more. I will be infrequent at first (while totally not using a novel cuntraband approach to get AF back) but I have missed your morally dubious banter so much I am revealing my intentions way to early. Doingth an utmost grandeth lemon, if thou wishesht.

Name: Sellout
Age: Ancient. Prehistoric. BeforeBrexit. I could go on, and I will if you let me.
Ttc: 3. DCs ~3y ~7m
Habitat: Infrequently seen this time of the year but soon more common
Mating habits: Uhm...Infrequently seen this time of year but soon more (jackrabbit) common

Nice to see y'all (again) and a pleasure to be here. May the fuck be with you.

Had letter through from clinic confirming first appointment, at £185 for the consultation and over £300 for a scan for me and sperm analysis for DH let's cross everything that I get upduffed this cycle before we go! (Or at least get a peak on my naughty cbafm...

Welcome back jane!!! I feel like you may have swallowed a JS Dictionary...

I can't work out who you are sellout? You must be of March madness fame?!

Ausuream, country!
waves at kwick

I haven't seen you in yonks, you disappeared ages ago! Sniff

Eeekk Zyla that's blooming expensive, though totally worth it for some piece of mind.

Welcome back Sellout. We could do a few chants here & there to help AF to come out of hiding.

Was out last night & had 5 drinks, feel today like I was out partying all night, I fear I'm getting old

hey aus!!!! Ttc no3 aleady?!?!? You nutter!!!

I heard a siren call... disappointed it's only Aus.

Hello Shaggers! Dh and i decided we'll be back in shag land in the new year. In the meantime, I am downing wine and trying to stem the flow of blood from my uterus, as ever. Fun times!

Hello! Aus/Sellout I was so confused by your new name! Welcome back you mad lady you! May the jizz be with you!

Zyla that sounds promising! And a wee bit expensive I'll be cheering you on this cycle. Invoking LoS.

DS woke at 6:30 for feed and is asleep again. What black magic is this? Sunday mornings are usually my hated time because dh sleeps until 10 (he works nights) and I'm usually knackered. But I got dare I say it some degree of sleep last night and don't feel too tired. I do feel VERY sick though so I think I've got his lurgy. Which is a pisser because we have organised a surprise party for dh today and I've got to be host.

Hooray honey!

My glee was short lived. Went in to find DS covered in poo which had flowed out of nappy all over him and cot. Ugh. So if anyone needs me I'll be up to my ears in bleach scrubbing the house!!!