We have enjoyed jizzidents and jizznamis. We are fans of having a rummage and we are getting all the baby juice we can to keep the bfp boom going. Join us in JS 59!!!

[ScottishLady7]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 58 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2563504-You-are-not-a-robot-and-the-ovary-whisperers-chanting-for-you-in-the-viroid-commune-with-our-carved-cock-relics-dont-panic-about-the-acid-foof-Its-JS-58" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2564387-Weve-had-birthday-twins-and-therell-be-real-twins-come-the-summer-mini-eggs-and-GTTs-abound-on-the-JSgrads-45th-fred" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Corgi obviously you'll know more than me, but my GP said that they would refer me on as soon as I got my bfp. Gx going up to 125 will help!!!

Burnt hand not too bad today thankfully, I do seem to becoming very clumsy after my yoga classes

Thanks canters do you do home visits? I have a huge range of herbal teas to entice you? Three cinnamon is my currrnt favourite :)

Canters and other medics: Maybe it's an alternative to working at the NHS under the rule of Jeremy Cunt....you could do private home GP visits to the viroids and dispense your wisdom and drink tea and eat biscuits.

Well I awoke this morning and realised I've had none of my usual spotting that I get in the run up to AF which is due tomorrow.

So I POAS.....and......BFN. Booooo!

My body is just playing with me...like a cat with a mouse.

I'm stuffed if Jezza gets his way (and our trust impose). Can hardly run a travelling NICU service. Would give me an opportunity to work on that womble window we all need, though, so maybe it's not all bad.

Well, Stumbly I can't say you're out...GX. That was my first inkling it might be our month - I usually have a couple of days of brown spotted teasing before she swoops in, and there wasn't any this time. Still properly on crotch-watch of course.

stumbly How annoying! Was it an IC? Gx it was a false negative!

I get confused when people talk about Jeremy Hunt using his first name only. It's a shame he has the same name as Jeremy Corbyn! It must be one of the few (if not only) things they have in common!

Yes....it was an IC.

The part where the line would be was as white and pure as snow.

Looks like I'm going to be put at risk of redundancy today (along with everyone else in my team).

In which case I will be skipping SW to eat takeaway and binge on chocolate!

Never been through a redundancy situation before its usually me making other people redundant....very weird!

Oh stumbly thats rotten! Is it a done deal?

I'm waiting for 'the meeting' to confirm I'm at risk.

It won't be a done deal as I suspect they'll be reducing numbers and we'll go through a selection process and have the opportunity to apply for other roles. The consultation period will be 45 days long so....long road ahead yet.

I could do with the IC being wrong and actually being upduffed so I can get first dibs on any roles left

Which wouldn't be strictly fair but...don't hate the player, hate the game.

stumbly Sorry about the redundancy news, that sucks On the up side, 45 days is quite a long consultation period so it gives you some breathing space to find another job and or get pregnant so they can't make you redundant without being vulnerable to an unfair dismissal claim.

And if AF doesn't show by the morning I reckon you should POAFRER.

Stumbly I totally get the wanting to get upduffed before something changes at work thing. My company has been acquired and through a merger with Canadian company, a LOT of things are changing, and it is very likely the maternity benefits will get cut to the bare minimum they have to provide. As it stands at the moment they are pretty good, so I really want to be upduffed before that happens! That may seem grabby but the benefits are one of the attractions of the job and if they get cut I doubt they will attract keep the best people.

So they've confirmed my team will be reduced by 50%, consultation will start at the beginning of April so I won't know whether I'm staying or going until mid-May.

I have three months notice after that and would get minimum £8k redundancy (I actually think I'll have a decent indirect discrimination case if they make me redundant and if so, would get more out of them).

So...no rush to find another job yet. Will just wait and see!

Will POAFRER if no AF by tomorrow I promise. Have a little cramping now though so reckon she's just messing!

OMG - amazing quote from DH whilst talking to him on Skype (he's working away this week): I'm not wanking, I am just cleaning the screen (screen wobbles up and down)

And Mum came out with a corker yesterday: It's a good job my coughing is so loud, it covers up the farts I do at the same time.

Just thought I'd share with you viriods for a bit of amusement

cats Thanks for sharing!

I am off to an ADELE concert tonight! (A bit of excitement in an otherwise dull life atm!)

Kwick- I am a sucker for a good herbal tea at the moment! Throw in a bit of cake and it's a done deal.

Stumbly- love your plan! Screw you jezza! Also, to stir the pot- I got a bfn on an ic 2 days before that stonking frer bfp and then drank wine oops. So I am inclined to think the ics are a bit....shit.

Cats- loving your DH and DM comments!

Name I travelled south of the border to see her on Friday and she was AMAZING!! Enjoy

Canters....there's so much crazy here you wouldn't even be able to get a spoon in to stir it. I thought someone had that situation but couldn't remember who and started to read back through the Fred to find it so I could convince myself that the IC is a dud!

Stumbly sorry about the redundancy & bfn

Cats that really did make me lol

On the upside.... -3.5lbs at SW tonight so 10lbs in 4 weeks

Whoop whoop stumbly!

Yay, well done Stumbly

stumbly sorry to hear about at risk situation - I have been through it 3 times! Aleays has led to improved circumstance for me - so whilst I know it is tricky and stressful can actually be positive too. Oh and well done at SW!!!!!

cats are you sure your policy is not protected under TUPE? At least for a period of time any way... We did an acquisition 10 years ago and only now are looking to modify benefits - as we had to be mindful of TUPE. but I guess we are wuite risk adverse with things like that

canters its a deal! What cake do you like?

Sorry about all the typos...

Cats

Stumbly, dig out the IC and have another look at it. When I got my BFP I got the IC from the day before out of the bin and a faint line had dried on it, but it was as white as snow when I did the test.

Thanks Scottish - she was brilliant! Very chatty and down to earth, and a bit sweary

stumbly Well done on the fab weight loss! I've got my Gx for you for no AF and a BFP in the morning.