We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Chat glad it was ok.

Glad Lil is ok.

Nfmv - day 4 of the witch, day 2 of the clomid. I the only bad part of the clomid I've had is having hot flushes.

The lingo is the main reason why I am on this damn Fred. Too funny to resist.

Anyways thanks again for all the welcomes. Particular my Whale-cum!!! Imaging the outcome of that? Earth would be covered in the stuff....

Day 4 of ETOD (did I get it right?) also feeling randy but my DH would never come near me in this state.

hoping we just stick to calling her the witch, the bitch, the red faced cunt, the fucking life ruining tide of shitty ness...basically any profanities you can think of....

Bat did a baby guys!!!!! :) :)

I think I'll stick with red face cunt

Aw chat that sounds lovely. glad it was supportive.

Thanks for my welcome guys! Just back from labour ward nights- 14 deliveries! It was lovely (and insanely stressful) but does anyone else find it really hard being around pregnant women/new babies while TTC? Really wish this job and TTC hadn't coincided :(
Sodding ERTD is still not here so this must be a long cycle, I'm guessing I iced on day 21 or something bonkers.
Off to sleep, hopefully will feel better after a kip! Hope you all have a lovely weekend and get lots of JSing in!! X

Are you a midwife corgi?

MiniBat is soooooo cute!

Corgi my much younger SIL fell pregnant accidentally and had her baby in the time between my MC and my next BFP. Even named her what I would have called mine. It was GUTTING. But you do get used to it. I had to remind myself that she didn't steal my baby, and there is more than one egg released in the world every month... I.E. other people aren't pregnant at my expense.

We currently have some friends who are ttc at the same time as us. I have this completely irrational thing that because we've been together twice as long as them and also married over twice as long I really want us to get pregnant first. I don't know why, it's completely irrational and I'm normally a nice person.

Obviously when they announce they're having a baby I will be absolutely over the moon for them. I just feel irrational about it at the moment.

Jeez I sound like an awful person!

Hope and Jasmine Glad it's not just me, I feel I am getting a little nuts! YB I'm a GP trainee- get 6 months on O&G as one of my training jobs, always good to have a bit of foof knowledge as a GP
I've been reading all my o&g textbooks like a big conception nerd!
I honestly didn't expect to get this nutty about TTC - it's really only been 5m. I'm just paranoid because I've had chemo before (managed to get a touch of lymphoma in med school) and also have a bicornuate/heart shaped uterus. Gaaah! Must remain calm.
What are people doing about drinking? Opinion seems divided between the obstetricians at work - the official line is avoid alcohol while ttc but if it's going to take me ages there's no way I'm sticking to that! I've already had so many people ask why I'm not drinking and it's getting hard to come up with excuses! Think some wine is in the pipeline this weekend though :D

jasmine -goodness i can imagine that must have been so gutting. I'm getting to the point where i can't believe people get preggers accidentally! How?! Sod's law I guess. X

My cousin has gotten pregnant twice accidentally on the pill to her and her husbands total shock! She had a c-section and got her tubes tied at the same time for the birth.

Some people are just hyper fertile.

corgi I'm not drinking and I'm not having caffeine. Caffeine is harder! I've only just started trying though so let's see how long I can last.

Is everyone else taking pre-natal vitamins as well? Reading your advice on the old fred I've got my DH on 1000mg of vitamin C a day too.

I'm drinking wine but not caffeine, I've never drunk tea or coffee, I don't like it. I gave up alcohol for a couple of months but that didn't work either. I think you need to maintain some balance in life or else you would go crazy, especially if you are in this for the long haul.

Everything in moderation as my mother once told me

Hi viroids, so glad it is Friday! Work has been mental the past 2 days...

I am also avoiding alcohol but I could really do with a huge gin tonight! I am using the sober octopus excuse, handy timing!

london I've just told dp he needs to start taking vit c... But why?!

chat was thinking of you yesterday. I'm glad you had some good support x

Now on cd 17, so am I now Schroedering? Still a bit confused about timings and things!

corgi I wonder that too! A lot of my nieces and nephews were accidents so I think I will feel very hard done by if it takes us a long time...

corgi from someone who took a fair amount of time to concieve (though in the grand scheme of thing 10 months wasn't too bad) I think I speak for everyone who has been TTC for a while when I say DON'T put your life on hold for it.

You could be lucky and it take you no time at all, so cutting out caffeine and stopping drinking isn't a major thing. Or you could be like some of the other people on here who have been trying for 2, 3 even 4 years. Ultimately you need to do what you feel is best, but having the odd bit of caffeine and a drink is not going to stop you conceiving.

The best advice is try to be healthy whilst TTC. Try to eat a balanced diet, get some excercise, if you are overweight try to lose weight, if you smoke then stop smoking (as this does affect conception) and try not to stress too much. Too much stress can delay ovulation so this can be more harmful to you TTC than anything else.

So to cut a long post short, if you want a drink then drink. You will have 9 months of abstenance to deal with when you do get pg! Just don't put your life on hold for TTC.

Kate you are if you think you've ovulated.

Sober octopus

I'm drinking, I don't drink much though, only a couple at the weekend usually. I would have been sober for a year if I had stopped

Confession time, I have fallen pregnant before. 6 years ago. Was on the pill and never missed one. And literally had sex once that month with on/off irresistible arsehole boyfriend. So I always thought I was mega fertile. Turns out I'm not. So a lot of my worry is wrapped up in having had an abortion, am I broken now, what if that was my only chance etc.

And I couldn't have been more unhealthy at the time having gone off the rails a bit

Sorry not really the forum for abortion chat

just

Aw, just

Just I think the rule is that if talking about it helps you, then you're allowed

Please be kind to yourself

Kate it apparently helps sperm quality. After my miscarriage this month, I'm even more focused on getting quality jizz (as I assume the faulty chromosomes or whatever were all DH's- kidding)

just don't worry. I don't think one abortion puts you out of the running. Its just one of those things. I know a lot of women who have had them and gone on to have babies with relative ease.

I actually used to worry that I never had a pregnancy scare. So getting pregnant so quickly was a relief to know I'm not totally broken but at the same time the MC has hit me very hard. Broke down in tears hysterically at work today out of nowhere. I think the first few days I was in shock. I'm feeling it much more now. Anyhow, must grab my cape as it's time to get back on the horse / DH and all that.

Forgot Just!