We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Big hugs just and london.

SQUEE!! Corgi I totes know you in RL! So excited that you have joined the JSers, they are bloody brilliant. And even more excited that you guys are going to make adorable babies! Will PM you so you know who I am, hope this hasn't freaked you out!

Just, previous abortions are unlikely to effect ttc as far as I know. What I definitely know is that ttc is absolutely not karma or any other nonsense like that. You will get your bambino.

Ooh is this our first js'ing RL knowing? How exciting!

Thanks viroids you're all lovely

Thanks, viroids. It was a beautiful, emotional evening. Very tired today, but feeling very peaceful.

Corgi there's a fair few of us medics around here - I'm a NICU reg, but have done time on the dark side of labour ward :) Mountain and Sock are docs too. I don't mind the patients, it's the rubbing-it-in-your-face social media folks I get the rage with...but I'm a grumpy old bird nowadays. And rip-roaringly jealous. Sigh.

Not the first RL knowing, ToriB and I know each other, but she wasn't here too much.

Just be gentle with yourself. You made the right decision for you at that time.

Pud you stalker.

I know Wiggly IRL. And there's another pair who know each other too... But ibonly remember real names! I think one of them is Mae. Maybe Rpopz ?

Ah I see, surprised it doesn't happen more. I did suspect country was a rl friend I have who was also ttc and was at same stage of cycle as me and country. They both have similar humour and got pregnant at similar time. She wasn't though! Do wonder if any of us know each other in rl and not realise though. Was bit disappointed I didn't know anyone on fb group, but equally relieved as I probably share more about my bodily fluids with you lot than I would with most!

I have an awful fb smug at the moment. Everything post, and there are a lot are about her pregnancy. She has posted the same bloody scan pic three times in last two weeks. I should block but she's sort of family so don't feel I can. Upside of her generally precious attitude is she isn't coming down for Christmas as it's too much for her at that stage. Two hours in a car at 28 weeks! I am selfishly, horribly pleased to not have a bump in my face though. I'm awful, a right bitter hag.

Thanks for being nice, it was the right decision, but one I struggled with despite the fact I would have been on my own. I wouldn't have met dp though I wouldn't think if I hadn't and whilst then I wanted a baby now I want a family with him. Just a constant niggle in my mind. Are we incompatible, did something go wrong. I know logically it has no effect and I had an internal scan a couple of years ago because I was worrying about it and my gp wanted to put my mind at rest that everything was fine.

Feeling left out I don't know anyone in rl

Hello viroids,

I'd like to join if I may? TTC #2. This should be month 1 for us but this is my prime shagging window (today and tomorrow) and I'm laid up with awful hacking, break-yer-ribs, cough, am streaming snot and feeling decidedly unsexy. And now DH has gone out (sensible man) So I'm a bit gutted that month #1 is going to sail by without us even being in the game. Grr.

Been reading your threads for advice and humour. You all rock.

just I'll be your pretend real life friend if you want

Am having a glass of vino tonight. Supposedly my fertile time, but DH is feeling sorry for himself with manflu.... Have dtd the last 3 nights though, so keeping fingers crossed tonight won't make any difference.

Welcome Weatherwax! Love the name!

Just I don't know anyone in real life ether and I'm also with you on the abortion side.

Now DH and I had been together a month and were in uni. It was the right decision at the time but one I often think of and wonder if that was my chance.

black excellent pretend rl friends we are . Lunch tomorrow?

mistress welcome! just see next month as month one, see this as a dry run of knowing your cycle.

hope you and I know it has no effect, I have found nothing on the tinterweb that suggests it does unless there was a complication. I tie myself in knots about it so I do understand. Let's promise to have a stern word with each other if we start thinking that way. Pm me if you want to chat though.

ditsy you will be positively drowning in jizz, don't worry

Sniggering at dry run, I can't explain, the wine might be contributing

Welcome weather
On the alcohol issue I usually abstain (every little helps right?) However having had blazing row with dp tonight I will be mostly pissed! and totally getting make up sex later!

Woo for make up sex! Boo to row though. I'm sure you were right though

We don't really row, dp misses a good row I think, he's hot headed! I can't stand arguing so we don't
Not saying we don't disagree obviously we don't that much as I'm always right natch and he does try to provoke me by sulking but I get my kicks from being relentlessly perky when he's grumpy. Can't be bothered with it, either talk to me or don't

Drink all the wine cori

Welcome weather!

Just likewise! If we have a stupid wobble then we can sound off to each other and tell the other they're being an idiot!

DH and j had a row last nigh and this morning and I came home tonight to flowers and dinner cooked for me. I take that as an admission that I was right

Hi corgi - I'm another doc, anaesthetics reg here, so I do my share of time on Labour Ward! I have moments of finding it really tough, but most of the time it's actually quite positive. I certainly have a lot more empathy when I'm doing ERPCs, ectopics, fertility investigations etc, than I used to - not that I was rude or anything, but I didn't appreciate just how highly emotionally charged these things could be. My DH also had lymphoma (Hodgkin's) when I was an F1. We did bank some sperm pre-chemo, but fortunately his most recent count was actually really good, so we're hoping not to have to use it.

I haven't quit alcohol or caffeine. I don't drink a huge amount of booze, and as I've now been trying over a year it would have been very tricky to avoid for that long without raising questions, not to mention boring! I do like my morning tea though. Weight is my biggest bugbear, I got off to a good start a few months back but have ground to a halt a bit.

Off to London tomorrow for the Junior Doctors protest march. Fingers crossed for good weather and no troublemakers!

just obviously that is always going to nigglr. You did the right thing at the time. I worried for some time about me a dh being incompatible fertility wise..... But that's shit. We will always look for a reason to blame for the fact it tAkes longer than we want it to. That's all your doing. Trying to make logic out or our bodies. They're don't use logic as they're stupid remember. You will get your baby. Say it out loud right now.

Pssssh what are you on about we are friends irl

Ooh, hope the marching goes well Sock. I wish I could come.

Witch gone, jizz back. I've not abstained or dropped the caffeine yet. I need my morning cuppa and love a glass of wine here and there.

Just they are a pain aren't they. Thankfully none at the moment on my FB, and even the obsessive photo-sharer has calmed somewhat in the last month or so.

Welcome Weather (or do you prefer Wax?) :)

Ladies, I am using OPK (contraband I know) this month just to get an idea of my cycle given what's happened.

I took a practice test on Thursday which came negative as anticipated. I took another one today (as I thought I has some EWCM) and the test came back positive. I only started mc last Saturday so it seem really early. Based on my normal cycle I would assume I wouldn't ovulate until Wednesday coming. My cycle is normally 25 to 26 days.

Maybe I don't understand how these work. Does the OPK mean I am going to ovulate in the next 48 hours? Did anyone else have a really short cycle after MC before?

Going to grab DH this afternoon but not sure what to make of it all.

Have fun on the march Sock. Bloody cunt Hunt.

Hope the March is good Sock, it's great you are going.

Weather or Wax or Weatherwax all fine.

I was quite relaxed about TTC the first time. This time I'm feeling ridiculously impatient. Not helpful feeling. It will happen when it happens. I just hate the feeling of limbo (who doesn't of course?).

Definitely feeling whingy due to feeling ill. I'm not usually full of such minor self-indulgent grumbles

Hi weather

Hope you have a good march today sock and that you will be listened too (wishful thinking I know, but we can dream)

So I think I might now be in twot, as ewcm has gone, but not 100% sure as my cycles vary by 5 or 6 days. I am trying to walk the fine line between not getting my hopes up, because it's totally normal for it to take a while, and not being too negative. I can be prone to doom mongering, which is silly!

london I have no experience or knowledge, but gx for you x