We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Oh just thought it might be helpful to know my follicles were at 9 on day 6 of stims. I had ec on day 14 of stims. So ov might be another week away. Obv that was medicated but thought it may help. If I were you I'd temp so you can time d21 right

sock I hope it's a very strong yes vote from all the docs not that I want the docs to strike but I can't stand that lying b*d Jeremy unt he got a vote of no confidence at the rcn conference and then refused to be in a room with more than 6 nurses to answer questions worm
corgi I don't really find my job stressful tiring yes makes my feet and back ache but not stressful even if I wanted to go part time I couldn't afford to but tbh I don't know any part time nurses I'm sure there are some think sister might have an actual breakdown if I suggested it they are all ready getting people to extend there notice period
keep there are not enough trained nurses in this country to cover the posts another government fail! They don't pay enough therefore people go work elsewhere e.g. abroad or private sector which is why they are left in a situation where every few years they have to import nurses from India or Philippines or most recently Spain and end up paying extortionate price for agency nurses who can't even give out paracetamol or mix an antibiotic if they payed a fair price for there own highly skilled professionals both docs and nurses the system wouldn't be in the crisis it's in!

That's shit cori, although unfortunately I'm not surprised. I'm ashamed to say this is something I don't know enough about although I have recently been trying to read more.

It's all smoke and mirrors if u listen to that arse going on about 11% pay rise for the docs some people might question what the problem is but in actual fact some doctors could be taking a 26% pay cut so it's a meaningless gesture and a insult to the job they do everyday nurses enhanced pay has also been targeted most nurses have not had a pay rise in the last six or seven years why shouldn't we have enhanced pay for unsocial hours and weekends? It makes my blood boil!

I completely agree. It's sadly only in the last few weeks since the junior doctor contracts came up that I've actually taken an interest in this, which is quite embarrassing on my part, but I already think that considering what difficult and important jobs both doctors and nurses do I can't believe how appallingly you're all being treated.

Thanks keep it actually means a lot that people outside of the healthcare profession are starting to realise what's going on and being supportive rather than buying into the 'lazy nurses' '9-5 doctors' Tory lies! This is like therapy feel so much better after all this ranting lol

Well you've definitely got a convert here! Completely behind you guys. And I'm a great believer in a good rant being good for the soul

I hope the doctors strike too. I got the rage watching Question Time tonight, some Tory woman trying to suggest the doctors are failing to engage with the nice Mr Hunt who just wanted to make their life better.

As a now non school based teacher, FUCK OFF! it's not so easy to persuade the public that doctors are work shy as it is teachers, so I hope the doctors strike a blow for us all!

Didn't see that honey having done about 50 hours worth of night shifts this week such a lazy nurse! I had an early night only my body is on night mode so can't sleep might watch it on catch up and fuel the rage maybe it'll wear me out!

Sock - trust Lil on the opk she's better at it, I prefer the smiley face ones I can't get wrong.

Just sorted travel insurance, parents are visiting me in the US after Christmas. They cannot handle the internet so I have been booking everything for them. Bloody nightmare.

How is that opk negative? The test line is way darker than the control? I assume the test line is the one nearest the dipping end?

Yes just, control line is nearest my hand, test line nearer the dippy bit. I am temping, so we'll see what happens with that, and in the meantime JS-ing like a good girl! Might think about the super expensive smiley face ones next cycle if needed.

For my iui I was told I had to use the smiley face ones, either they have had issues in the past or they own shares in the company :-)

The contraband smiley face OPK was good, using it gone and got me upduffed! (Well, sort of, had to DTD as well as pee on expensive stick).

Was never totally sure I had a positive with the others. However, it's an expensive hobby after a few months and it's defo down to the shagging not the peeing!

Wow, it's too early for there to be a [santa] emoticon!

Opks confuse me, I can't quite figure them out!

So this has been done to death before I'm sure (and tmi), but does anyone have any tips on increasing the amount of CM you get? Bit late for this month now as I'm in my fertile period (hopefully) but I've noticed that I used to get a lot lot more. At the moment it's such a small amount that I'm wondering if it's affecting our chances. Does it work like that?

Everything else seems to be working fine. AF is very annoyingly regular and I'm 99% sure I ovulate fine, there's just not very much CM.

ill well, you never know with the US health system!

keep you can get conceive plus in individual squirty pipette things so that you can deposit it up nearer your cervix, where you need it most. Not real cm, but y'know fake it till you make it

keep more water, or grapefruit juice and evening primrose oil. The latter made me ovulate a bit later though. Apparently a spoonful of robitussin cough medicine for week before helps too!

I don't think the expensive ones are worth it, I used them alongside the cheap ones and I got a smiley on the same day as a positive.

Just a warning keep with EPO - I took it one month and ended up with a 44 day cycle (usually 27/28) you can imagine the crazies that that caused

I think lil asked about HSG results - next appointment is February so I assume then, said all looked fine at the time so think it's all ok, women was a true js-er - told me to go home, open a bottle of wine and get shagging

Am I imaging it - had a similar line last feb on 12dpo but witch arrived the next day.

Ill I can see a very faint line when I zoom in, gx!!!!!!

Ooh me too, how many days post ici thing are you? Test again with fmu!

I can see something Ill! Gx for you!

I can see it too! Gx

It's 12dpo/iui. Didn't say anything to dh this morning as when this happened last February he was really upset when af came. Will use frer tomorrow morning. Have to get my next round of clomid tonight as if it isn't a bfp there is a holiday next week and won't get them in time to start on cd3.

Go on, invoke the law of sod and get your Clomid