We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

That sounds promising just **
**
Ah sock that's exciting! I would have been nervous too! Hope it went well.

Thanks all for being so kind. Done the first half of my shift and work was much much better today which has helped me feel a bit better. Hopefully the evening will be ok and I'll feel more back to normal tomorrow.

Good luck Just!

Just broke up fight between my cat an another. Little rat, coming in my garden, messing with my cats.

You show that cat honey!!

Sock - my re said it should be over 16mm but the do grow up to 2mm a day. they won't trigger me on one of my clomid cycles until I get at least one over 18mm. Could your opk have been not quite positive?

blackcat - all the best for hsg, don't hesitate to retreat to bed once home if you want to. Sure you will be fine though.

Stork done, if it works I'll think it's marvellous but by god the things we do to get pregnant

I LOVE the penis beaker thread! It gives me serious hysterics!

Nice one Sock!

This was this afternoon Ill ...

Oh that is a definite positive. Maybe you will just ovulate a couple of days later? Think the egg can be released up to a couple of days after lh surge.

How was it black?

Thanks ill and just - it went fine, was really quick, ladies who did it were lovely and didn't hurt really. I took some ibuprofen before I went, not really had cramping after either. Got the most horrific pants with built in sanitary towel to wear after they didn't stay on too long! Apparently all looked fine and we can try this cycle which I thought we couldn't - was looking forward to a month off so not sure if we will or not.

Next appointment not until February now so a few more months for a miracle natural conception to happen

angel Pee this is my third cycle of clomid so three left and we are down to 5 staff nurse's on the ward and to cover the day and night shift every day we need 5 nurses and we work 3 to 4 shifts a week each so as you can tell super short staffed so working way more shifts than should be and seem to be doing 2-3 weeks of nights a month mixed in with days so my sleep pattern is all over the place thinking we might just have to do some serious saving and go for ivf they said about iui but I don't think it is that effective for the price! sock are the docs voting tomorrow do you think it's going to come to a industrial action ??

Ballot papers come out today but it's a postal vote so I think they allow about 2 weeks for them to be returned. I think the vote will be in favour, but I don't know if it will actually happen or if the government will come back to negotiations - depends on how strong the mandate is, I think.

Hi all, I am so rubbish at replying to everyone's messages - am terrible at scrolling back on my phone. Finally got on a computer so settled down for a nice long message.... with a cup of tea.

pee congrats!! so excited for you :D

chat I can't remember what you were saying about GP mat leave but I remember you saying you had a year off to weave lentils, that made me laugh! I want a year off... haha. hope your holiday is fab. We've just booked a few days in Paris in Dec, ooh la la!

Sock I just got a letter from BMA with lots of stickers etc but no ballot papers as yet. Interested to see what the result is - hoping they get a 98% yes yes vote or something, just for the look on Jeremy Hunt's face.... I'm sick of hearing lies and spin from the govt. Grrrr! cori your job sounds horrific :( is there any way you can go part-time at all while TTC, just so you're less stressed? are you allowed to do that in nursing?

Glad the HSG went OK Black.

just what is this Stork thing? was it easy to use? will keep my fingers crossed for you.

I went along to my GP after my post-DTD bleed, was hoping she would just check my cervix and make sure it was OK but no apparently she has to refer me??? Humph. Now getting myself all anxious, probably about nothing but an ovulation bleed! She did say my cervix was ok though.

Now 6 dpo and had the most bizarre dream last night that I was ultrasounding myself to look for a baby.... definitely going crackers.

pud put that spoon away, you mustn't stir up the crazies! hahaa. and I don't think it was an implantation bleed, it was wayyyy too early and normally my cycles are longer, about 32-35 days.

hope everyone else is well and coping with clocks going back/general winter gloom. on the plus side I have been told by one of my gynae regs at work that sperm quality improves in winter - better get our capes on!

Black I'm glad the HSG was ok and that it seemed to be good news. Have you thought any more about whether you still fancy a break this month or not?

Just the stork sounds intriguing and terrifying in equal measures! Hope it works for you though.

Cori your work sounds mental, are they even looking to get more nurses in? Hopefully it will calm down a bit soon and you can get back to normal. I though my work was mad at the moment!!

Gx the docs vote brings the result you want sock and corgi and any other docs we have on Fred. I think it goes without saying that we're all behind you.

Corgi I definitely think a bit of winter blues is what's wrong with me this week. Can't think of any other reason for it. I've decided I'll allow it today and tomorrow then pull myself together for a nice weekend with DH and a better week next week.

Nfmv: fertile period starts today, already got a couple of shags under our belt and I'm preening the cape ready for tonight. If it doesn't happen this month I can at least say we did everything we could to give us the best shot!

The weather is really getting me down keep! Have decided is all about putting the fire on and snuggling down with wine!! Hope you feel better soon.

Sock - yeah that looks positive to me, are you having a follow up appointment with a consultant?

Ooh fire and wine sounds nice.... I shall settle for fire and cat cuddles and lots of chocolate for now.

Stork wasn't hard to use. But we didn't have sex with the stupidly small, non stretchy condom thing. Dp just jizzed in it and I popped it in!

It's so rainy! I could go a bit of fire and wine.

Mmm fire and wine

Not yet Ill, I have to have my progesterone checked next week and then if I'm not pg/haven't iced, I have to call them again for advice.

Yes Just, isn't if ridiculous?! On feedback they said it was based on average size. Poor women if that's average!

Average size my arse!

Maybe you're both very lucky ladies

Fire and wine! I've spent the eve in the rain and knee deep in mud watching fireworks at ds's school. The wind was blowing and we all got smoked out, embers blew into the crowd and ds was whinging as our faces had to be turned up into the rain to see. I could soooo do wine right now!

I'm not due to ice til next week so I'm off out tomorrow night and planning on being sozzled-hopefully for the last time for a while!

sock 9mm is halfway there. During ivf they were waiting for them to get up over 18/19mm. After 10mm your oestrogen levels rise to help whatever that helps (lining thickness I think). And sorry I think that opk is negative.

Glad hsg was OK black when will you get results?