We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Kate that's fantastic! Does your DP agree that he can see the line this morning? And of course it's normal to be nervous as well as excited.

just I am also having a far lazier morning as it's half term.

For the cough... I have tried everything I know, including sleeping upright (the little sleep I got last night was sleeping upright on the sofa, gave up on lying down, even when propped up with loads of pillows), steam helps, but only for a short while. I've been drinking water and lemsip drinks, and things like fruity teas inbetween the lemsips (so as not to drink too many). I'm not coughing up much icky stuff but my windpipe feels rough as if it's made me sandpaper. DH is beginning to get really annoyed and has told me to get a doctor's appointment. I've only had it bad (this time around, I seem to get bad coughs every year) for a few days. I keep telling him that the doctors can't do anything about it (every time I have been about a cough they can't help) at which point he gets even more annoyed with me. Tempted to book an appointment to shut DH up more than anything but feel like I'd just be wasting the docs time...

Dr won't be interested in a cough after a couple of days, you're going to have to ride it outbid afraid

Which is what I keep telling DH. It's been a little niggly cough for about a week, but has only got really bad over the weekend.. I'm doing what I can to soothe it as much as possible, and during the day it's not too bad really. Annoying, but I've had far worse. DH is almost as annoying with his 'go to the doctor' and 'how do you know, you're not a doctor' speeches...

kate even I can see that one! Congrats! And yes, totally normal to be terrified. Come on over to grads when you're ready.

ill gx for the sperms doing their thang!

ain get well soon you poor sausage

He sounds a bit of a pain ain!
Nhs says:
When to see your GP
There's usually no need to see your GP if you or your child have a mild cough for a week or two. However, you should seek medical advice if:
you've had a cough for more than three weeks
your cough is particularly severe or is getting worse
you cough up blood or experience shortness of breath, breathing difficulties or chest pain
you have any other worrying symptoms, such as unexplained weight loss, a persistent change in your voice, or lumps or swellings in your neck

Hope you feel better soon

Congrats Kate!

Welcome, Blondi, sorry to hear you're another who has had MC - plenty of hand-holding here.

Ain I'd be surprised if the docs thanked you for coming in with a short-lived cough...Vicks on the feet?

YB I hope someone can shed some light on your womble and you're back shagging soon. Feel free to stay and chat of course.

MrIll! 38 million! Bloody good work, hope one of them sees the light. GX :)

Tink my love, how was your holiday?

Congrats Kate, totally normal to be terrified!

Socks how many mcs have you had? I think after three you can be referred for investigations to see if anything is wrong.

Grrr. Wrote out a post and lost it. Anyway, basically said DH is a nightmare when it comes to me having what seems to be my annual winter cough. I think I'll just try and sleep in the spare room for a few nights. But how can I get it into his head that all I'll do by going to the docs is (understandably) piss them off by wasting their time?

Woop woop ill !!!! I'll have my fingers crossed for you!!!!!

Ain you could tell him that when I went with a cough so bad it had broken my rib all they did was shrug and say 'nothing we can do sorry!'

I hope you guys don't mind me hanging around here a while longer... It feels a bit like tempting fate going over to the grads Fred. Plus df is now being a worry wart and saying the line is so faint he doesn't want to get his hopes up...

Course not Kate, stay around!

My friend tested and got a very faint line, them it got progressively darker as the week went on ... it's only faint as the hormone hasn't reached full spreed in your system yet! All being well it'll get darker.

Exciting times! And yikes, a cracked rib! That sounds awful.

Hope your cough gets better Ain. It's the worst spluttering all night.

NFMV: I'm currently in week two of the TWOT. I WANT A SYMPTOM, come on body, implant me an egg! I'm fed up if this faff around.

This morning DH asked me, as he put on his underpants, so, are you pregnant yet? He doesn't get why it's a TWOT, I've tried to explain the science to him but he gets a far away distant look in his eyes ...

YB I hope the docs can shed some light for you and that you'll be back trying very soon

Ain I had a cough like that about a month ago. Worst week of sleep ever. It would take about 2 hours for me to finally drop off with a lot of coughing in between. Luckily DH is a heavy sleeper.

Ill wow!! Gx for them! Well done MrIll, well done.

Kate congrats!! Definitely a line today.

kate Massive congratulations! I understand that terrified feeling though - think I was in shock when I got pg with my daughter.
Ain I second chat's suggestion of Vicks on your feet at night - I don't know how it stops a cough, but it seems to work for me.
These TWOT are hell. AF due on Fri. No symptoms really, although I did feel really sick yesterday evening could have been due to the pub lunch I had earlier though Am so far resisting POAS, although I have some FRER which are very tempting...

Kate congrats, awesome line, didn't even need to enlarge the image on my phone to see it.

Ain bleagh sounds awful. Hope it improves and dh sees sense that a doctors visit won't help. I find honey and sugar in warm water is only thing that soothes my sore throat.

Thanks everyone, he got 156 million total for his SA a couple of months ago but the morphology was low. Fc don't seem to be worried about that. Have recently convinced him that the vit c was a legitimate thing by showing him the paper on it.

Ill your DH definitely wins the (newly created) "Golden Balls" of the month award!

Ain are you sure you shouldn't get it checked out? I had an awful cough a few years ago that culminated in a massive asthma attack and A&E where they diagnosed pneumonia! Always worth a look, just in case it can be treated with an inhaler/antibiotics. Was always worse at night.

Kate you need to join the grads thread and follow two threads. Main reason? So that I'm no longer at the bottom of the stats sheet. Lil still hasn't filled hers in and I feel tiny and vulnerable right at the bottom!

Golden balls! he needs a

Golden ball's for Mr. ILL!

NFMV (TMI alert): l have been having cramping since yesterday (similar to what I assumed was implantation cramping with my last bfp). Then just now I had the craziest amount of EWCM! I think it might be a secondary oestrogen surge but am not sure. i'm 8 dpo now. Does this happen to anyone else?

I've had sporadic ewcm too london. Maybe shag just in case

I'll try. DP is still at work and called and told me his is tired!

Jump him in the morning London ?

Hey all, mind if I join in. TTC #1 since Aug. Now on cycle 4, witch got me this morning, as if Monday mornings aren't bad enough

We shagged Saturday but if not tonight I'll try and get in a morning shag :)

Sorry the witch got you angelazul

Welcome angela :)

Welcome angel! And congrats kate, I think you have now done a kitten though I still feel a bit confused with all the lingo!

Hope your chest gets better soon Ain and I can confirm that GP won't really be able to do much if it's a viral URTI! Give it a week (disclaimer: obvs if you feel insanely unwell /have difficulty breathing etc then go to a&e...)

I too am brewing disgusting cold, not looking forward to being a snot-beast!
have been off thread for a little while so can't remember who advised me to calm down and dtd EOD- but thank you, much more manageable and better for the ladybits...

Hope all you teachers are having a lovely half term!
Nfmv: witch has gone but still have very witch-like backache. Weird.....

NFMV: nothing, still nothing. Last period was May 2014, followed by baby who is still bfing. I had dodgy stomach ache a couple of weeks ago, but nothing came of it (scuse me vicar!)

Ttc in a couple of months may be tricky if this continues..

Welcome Angel

So DH, who never gets excited about anything and would be ok with ttc taking a few months (he's completely on board but nervous as he's never been around children) has suggested DTD eod this month. I'm taking that as he's actually properly looking forward to it now and wants it to happen sooner rather than later.

I realise that might sound as if I pressured him to ttc, I promise I didn't, it was a mutual agreement. This is actually a really good step for him though and I'm so pleased and excited but trying to act all cool so it doesn't freak him out!

I don't think I've worded this very well...