We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

When is AF due YB? I now we had this conversation last week but I've forgotten! I'm 11dpo and AF due Saturday and really tempted to test tomorrow (I know, I know). Just struggling with the wait and think id rather know, even though I still might not. Argh confusing myself!

2 days po ... Boob twinge! Boob twinge! I'm defo pregers ;)

Ah peenut you've made me giggle so much today. I've been the same this month. I've found if you poke them hard enough they hurt and therefore that is a symptom. Fact.

Just good luck for tomorrow. Hope you get an action plan in place.

Welcome Penguin!

Not sure keep, cycles are usually 23-25 days but last one was 27/28. Day 22 now, iced day 13 I think so cd10 now.....does that sound right???

Been having mild cramping and faint scar pain ever since, also knackered and bloated but not really getting my hopes up.

AF due day + 2

Still no sign of the bitch. Few cramps and twinges this morning and feel bloated. Boobages still hurting but no where near as bad.

Oh and my nose won't stop running

Going to give it today then if nothing by this evening will buy a test for tomorrow's FMU.

To be honest this is the first day I've had slight cramping so I'm anticipating she will make an appearance today. Boo-hiss!

Well AF is here and having a party. I'm actually quite pleased though as felt like I was on pause being 8 days late and no bfp. I can stop going crazy and bide my time for icing.

Ah sorry to hear that penguin!

kez still got my gx for you.

Sorry penguin

You are still in it Kez

TMI alert: anyone know if diarreah is a pregnancy anything?

Boo Kez - not out yet I guess.

Welcome, Penguin! Sorry the witch got you too - she's been messing everyone around this month.

Good luck today Just, I'm sure it will be fine.

I'm so glad I'm moving back home. Just received yet another bill from the hospital. We're 21 weeks down the line and still it's a little needle each time. There's so much good about the NHS that is hidden.

Keep YES! Boob prodding the produce pain is definitely a symptom. I actually do that, a boob prodding test to see if there's any joy on the sore boob front!

London Not sure about the trots, I think constipation is a symptom?

Sorry Penguin but like you say, you on now on a fresh new cycle. 8 days in torture though!

Kez hope AF doesn't come this month for you.

Chat, remind me where you are in the world at the mo? Good old NHS. They are amazing.

can you not claim it back in the UK chat? Part of that EHIC scheme?

We're in Belgium, Pee.

It's all reclaimable, Jelly - we have insurance. For me, it's not about the financial outlay, which in this instance is quite small. It is more that each bill they send is a reminder of what happened - and it's a generic 'pay us now, thanks in advance' letter without any feeling. Very Belgian! They won't arrange for it to be paid by the insurance company directly, as they do with inpatient stays, which would reduce the distress hugely. It's 'the system' - each different test (swabs, bloods, etc.) is billed separately and whenever it's ready. The NHS hides this well, and obviously never sends bills out :) I was talking to an American friend about this only a couple of weeks ago - she nearly got into a fair bit of trouble as her newborn-sleep-deprived brain forgot to pay one of her bills...

ahh i see, yeah that is pretty insensitive of them. I guess if it's a generic system where they just pump letters out they can't differentiate but it doesn't make it any easier for you. :( It seems silly they won't deal with the insurance company, they do over here for private care.

When are you moving back?

Sorry she got you penguin **
*
Kez* I still have everything crossed for you.

Chat

Bold fail. Didn't look like that when I pressed post!!

London i think anything goes where pregnancy and the intestines are involved - loose, constipated, v constipated, normalish etc etc. It'll change.
:)

I think as progesterone builds constipation is supposed to be normal (was last time). I’ve heard people say right after conception they got the trots so I’m counting it as a symptom along with constant low level nausea :)

I need a hooya- its only 4 dpo!

HOOYAH! london

hooyah! At 4 dpo the egg wouldn't even have implanted so you wouldn't be getting symtoms

I know, I know! I do feel like I was nauseated from pretty early on before my bfp last time but that might just be PMS. Its not in my head but at the same time so many pregnancy symptoms are the same as PMS because its all down to progesterone.

Hooyah London! (But gx for you all the same!

I think I need one too. Could resist poas this morning. Resounding bfn. Not even a question of a doubt.

I've decided I'm going out at lunch to get a test. And I'm going to test at work

GX Kez

gx kez :)