We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

5hell hows the spotting?

lil exciting :)

Woop Lil!

[whispers] no more spotting so far

just told friend in Ireland (no-one else except dh and viroids know so far) - she'd emailed me saying she had a feeling I was pg again so I had to confess

hope you're feeling well jel?

awww good news 5hell :) keeping my gingers firmly crossed for you!

i'm good, 14 weeks on thursday (where does the bloody time go?). Waiting for that second tri energy to arrive, I think they lied about it!

jelly what! 14weeks??! nooooo!

I know lil, the first 8 weeks dragged and now I've blinked and its August! You'll know what I mean soon enough!! Can't believe your IVF is starting so soon! This year's flown by!

Oh and I've still not had a shag since bfp! You will all be ashamed with me!

I think I will be avoiding shagging after another bfp jelly so I'm not judging!

That's good news 5hell

I will also be another one that will retire from shagging once I get a bfp

Just had a really embarrassing moment, it was my very own 'Paula Radcliffe' moment..... Went for a run, about 1.5 miles out I got serious stomach cramp, tried to run through it but it got worse, ended up having to duck behind a hedge and have a poo then rang DH and he came and picked me up. I will never live it down, he will never let me live it down. I've now got a case of serious farts

black

Oh black I'm mortified for you!

Black I hope you live/run somewhere rural?! You poor thing!!

If its good enough for Paula it's good enough for you Black!

What cycle day are you? Surprise poos are definitely a thing that happens in pregnancy!

feathered fortunately I do live in a small village and I was out on a country road - I had no witnesses.

pud I'm around cd19/20 but only about 3/4 dpo I don't really know for sure as I am a good jser so think it is a bit early for pg symptoms

black poor you, if it helps I tried to have a poo earlier and gave myself a nosebleed, then shit a load of mucous had to tell Dh as he could hear me not well! you win though

tink for once in my life I don't want to win

Oh black you poor thing! And tink! Hope you're feeling better.

Keeping everything crossed lil! You'll get your baby, I know it.

Ohhh poo stories! I love a good poo story! Tink yours doesn't sound too pleasant though, hope you feel better tomorrow but hopefully you've had a good clear out on the inside

Still no AF for me. CD 56! Bloody 56!!! Will need to order some more IC as I keep testing thinking that 'maybe it just hadn't been showing until now'. But yep, surprise surprise, still not got a BFP. I have a GP appointment tomorrow I am shitting it!. I don't really know what to expect, going to basically say about TTC, cycle hasn't regulated in the 6-7 months off the pill, very long and heavy periods. I'm fully expecting to be fobbed off and told to just wait it out, I don't know what else they would do.

On the up side, I have been getting jizz! And it's been fun shagging, not just functional- mainly because I don't know wtf is going on with cycle so I'm assuming it wouldn't be a useful functional shag at the moment, so may as well just do it for fun

tink and black I'm sorry but you both had me roaring!

fluffy try and be firm if they start fibbing you off. outright ask for blood tests. lie about how long off pill. and if you really can't get anywhere don't leave without a definitive time line of when they will see you and take you seriously and mark it in your calendar at least 30% sooner than they say. good luck.

nfmv: its hibernating
nfmd(diet): didn't think I'd done v well today but turns out whilst I'm over calories I'm almost balanced on protein v carbs so not too bad. now I just need to keep it up and try to get to swimming tomorrow!

Good luck for tomorrow fluffy - have you ever had any kind of investigations into your cycle length? They should at least start there. I have long cycles too. Gp arranged for an ultrasound and diagnosed pcos based on scan and history. I've not had blood tests in relation to cycles.
enjoy the fun shags! !!

Well done for balancing protein and carbs Lil - I had pasta for dinner and am now all bloated!! will I ever learn?!

Date night tonight. No jizz. Got a 2 min cuddle before dh fell asleep.........

fluffy Welcome to my world! Appointment in the morning to discuss blood test result weirdness (high prolactin) as a result of my seemingly non-existent cycle. I had a lot less lead-in than you though before any tests were run - I came off my BC in April, had one very light period in mid-May and not as much as a spot since then. I would try and push your GP to at least run a round of blood tests.

Loads of fun shagging going on though so not really complaining on that front! DH seems to have the sex drive of a teenager who has just discovered boobies at the moment...

Thanks for the input viroids! I feel like I do have a lot of knowledge from being on this fred and having some great advice from you all. I've always been the type to just put up with my periods Cold, they have always been heavy but since the pill have been all over the place. I assumed eventually they would just settle down, that it's just normal. Really hope I can be good and assertive lil! I don't want to be fobbed off. It's a big deal for me even to make an appointment, nevermind not getting anything from it and then having to wait to go back. Hope your appointment goes well tomorrow Tri, hopefully blood tests will be something GP will suggest! Sounds like you could be getting some clear answers early on though?

5hell - mini yay, hope it stays away.

ain - welcome back

auf - hope you are ok

lil - exciting, are the instructions overly well laid out or overwhelming jumble. Found that doctors fall into one of the two camps.

black - eep, at least you weren't caught

fluffy - hope your appointment goes well.

Nfmv - my uterus is apparently 'beautiful' according the the ultrasound guy. Why do they say that? The saline salpingogram wasn't as painful as the HSG, which shouldn't have been painful at all but apparently my uterus doesn't like fluid being injected into it.

So the upshot is that we start IUI next month. Seems my reproductive endocrinologist is going all out clomid for 5 days at 100 even though I already ovulate and sometimes do so on both sides. Plus if I don't surge by day 13 he wants me to do a HCG trigger. Pretty scary but we have a plan and now we can start. Unless we fall naturally this cycle.

fluffy just remember you pay them via your taxes!

illiria all nice and simply laid out. but I already know it as they aren't changing anything from last time. yay for iui! sounds like ur clinic aren't worried about multiple births!

ill yay for plans! Sounds like you'll be doing your cycle same time as lil which is cool. Congrats on the beautiful internal organ too!

I'm so ill I'm sweating so much it's revolting. Had to change my pyjamas three times last night. Called into to work again this morning and am now stressing that my boss doesn't believe me. Anyone know how to stop sweats? If I get out from under covers I get so cold I want to cry.

tink is it a fever? you need to be careful you don't over heat.