We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I'd have thought you'd be fine just but you could check with masseur...they've prob had odder qns :)

Tink Don't you dare get my hopes up! My boobs aren't painful, I can't possibly be upduffed. Well one of them is, but that's my own stupid fault.

I have 6 sticks to pee on and I'm not using any of them until I need mini cheddars on the school run. Hold me to it, you know you'll have to

Sports massage sounds lush, not sure if it's wise or not. Maybe ask for your therapist to only use pregnancy-friendly oils, just in case?

chat you're not allowed anyway, you've to wait for me and lil and whichever other of these lovely shaggers can make a line on a stick!

just if wine ain't a problem I don't see that a massage should be. Just don't let her punch you in the ovary

just I continued to see my osteo but just warned her in a jokey way I could be upduffed at any point

Evening viroids..

I got massively baby bombed at work by a male colleague, he was so excited and happy. I was a teensy bit jealous but more than anything I'm pleased that they haven't gone through what We have. I'm proud of myself

DH is puking up, think he's eaten something dodgy - gutted as I wanted some jizz bad wife think today or tomorrow is Ov day

Massage guy is a friend of the in laws but I guess he won't say anything?! Maybe I'll mention it, he does tend not to punch me in the ovaries though!

chat can I ask what you did to make one boob sore?

cat well done for you!

If he punches he's probably doing it wrong so glad he doesn't!

Deal, Tink

Just. I poked it to see if it was tender. Crazies have spread over the channel.

I am quite tired, didn't get in from work until 11 (left late, then had to get petrol, then had to get DD from my mums) but can't go to bed until I have wound down a little bit. Massively busy at work, and learning lots of new stuff (being trained up ready to go for a promotion) so there is a lot of stuff in my head.

News from my left breast; it hurts!!! Just the left one. And I have not poked it like chat did. Just started to hurt in the last 30mins or so. Feels like its engorged with milk or something (a small possibility - I am still producing a small amount of milk even though I stopped breastfeeding 2.5years ago!!)

News from my vagina: got jizz last night. Couldn't decide if there was EWCM earlier or last nights jizz (yuk!!)
I would be amazed if I am icing - I don't think I have ever had a normal cycle, but I am on CD15!!!

I feel for you tri - my cycles are normally about 60days long. Some may have been longer. Only really keep track when ttc.

to all those with vengeful tits.

Nfmv: the witch has arrived, oddly happy as worried stress of house buying was going to make me too late to do saline ultrasound next week. Hopefully she will depart in time.

So because I'm crazy and woke up still feeling sicky, and just wanted to shut my overactive brain up...i took an frer...

Which was positive

I guess bleeding + bfp is not ideal, and this is probably what happened last time, but I'll just keep fingers and legs crossed

Shaking

Dh pleased

Evidence of crazy...

Wait what? A bfp 5hell! Congrats!!! Are you bleeding a lot or is it just spotting?

Thanks jel. Its a bit more than spotting, but way less than an AF. Have been working out hard recently so may take it a bit easier this weekend!

Only real symptom is nausea...boobs normal etc.

What?! 5hell! I have all my fingers crossed that the sporting fucks off.

Well gx for you, loads of people bleed in early pg, I had spotting from the day before my bfp to about 3 days after it, and at one point it was very early AF like.

5hell I bloody knew it! Congratulations and gx the spotting fucks off!

My miroid is pissing me off. He's acting all wounded about a tiny comment I said about his new job and is generally being a dick. He seems to think that because he's working I have to be up and is asking me to do loads of stuff that I reminded him he needed to do last night, stuff which he should have done last week. So, he can go fuck himself of he thinks I'm getting up and do it himself, I'm bit his pa and I've earned my holiday. Plus I have a million things to do today for the house/us anyway! Rant over, phew!

No deal if you're having holiday it's holiday not time for you to run around doing things he couldn't be bothered to do. He can shove it up his arse'!!!!

congrats 5hell gx for you!!

tentative congrats 5hell, can you get a blood test to put your mind at ease?

5hell wow! Huge congratulations, really hoping your spotting starts to behave itself! Tonnes of people get breakthrough bleeds so try not to worry too much. I agree though, take it easy over the weekend but I'm sure it will all be absolutely fine. How do you feel?

Congrats 5hell! Easier said than done, but try not to worry about the spotting. It's probably breakthrough bleed as your AF was due around now.

Right, who's next?

Congrats 5hell, keeping gx for a sticky one x

5hell! Congrats and gx!

Exactly country I'm sick of picking up the slack. I work longer hours than him for more money so I don't see why I should be the one who does it all.

People get very jealous of teachers holidays but anyone could be a teacher and get the same! Everyone's job is more glamorous then mine apart from this one time of year so I'm going to enjoy it.
He's downstairs now crashing about muttering and huffing. All because he didn't do something last night. And I want to have a baby with this man? I must be crazy!

Feeling very hormonal today so it's not entirely impossible I'm overreacting!

Yay! Congrats 5hell gx the spotting stops soon.