There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

No judgypants here Ain

Hooyahs for the early pee-ers!! Are you even using FRER's? I would just like to point out that when I fell pregnant with my DD, I got a BFN 2 weeks after conception, didn't get a BFP until 2.5 weeks after conception/ovulation. Moral of the story......no peeing until AFTER AF is late!!! My excuse back then was 1) I had symptoms and 2) I had NO clue when or if I had ovulated.

I am now in my two week wait for the first time ever (I count this as first time, as I have never been exactly sure in the past when I have ovulated). Very weird. Feel like I am wishing the next two weeks away!! I plan to keep myself very busy, doing some overtime at work, and will use the time to catch up on some banking and home admin, housework etc. Once I'm on top of all that I shall spend lots of time pampering myself with pedicures etc. I am determined to not going anywhere near a pregnancy test until at least 16dpo!!
Quick question. My cycles are irregular, I ovulated on day 37. Will AF still be due 14 days afterwards, so on day 51?

We would never judge you *ain"!! We all have our issues with different things. I have a rough idea where you are coming from. I have never suffered from Bulimia or anything like that, but I do feel I have a bit of disordered eating/very bad habits. I binge quite a lot and find it really really hard to stick to a healthy eating plan/diet.
Planning meals is a fab idea. I have found that to work for me in the non-too-distant past, I just need to get my butt into gear and do it again, and then make it a regular thing! I found it helped for me to plan meals that I was really looking forward to. Even something simple like jacket potato, beans and cheese. It worked better for me to plan meals like that, and quiche with new potatoes and mixed veg, or sausage mash and peas. Nice comforting food instead of an endless lists of salads (some may enjoy them, but I don't enjoy them on a regular basis!)
Stick with planning your meals, and if for some reason you deviate from your plans, make a note of why, and if its made a difference. Did you have an unexpected meal out? Was it emotional eating? Did it lead to you overeating etc? It will give you a better idea of how you need to eat, or if you're not sure you will have made notes to discuss with your counsellor.
Good luck with it all

I can sniff out an early crazy poas episode a mile off...

...who is poas way too early? Own up!

Hooyah!

Well done ain sounds like you're taking some really positive steps. I think it's brave of you to talk about it, I'd like to bet you are far from the only viroid with issues with food/body image .........

Hooyah! Also, to avoid a hooyah myself: cd 28 tomorrow, 14 dpo. Would usually have a slightly longer cycle so af would normally be due at the weekend but I ov'd early so tomorrow is d day. Il's are coming to stay on Friday for the entire weekend, don't want to poas whilst they're here. Assuming af doesn't arrive (it will), when do I test? You're going to say Monday aren't you? lil is definitely going to say Monday

Disclaimer: for any newbies this is my crazy part of my cycle. The twot I can handle. Af dicking me about I cannot

Tink I would test sat if no af if you're 14dpo now

Thanks la but I don't want to whilst mil is here. She's bloody hard work and if it's one of those months where I get upset, she'll make it a lot worse by just being here. I need to be at my best to handle her. Realistically I need to wait til Monday I think, af will no doubt arrive before but a plan should hopefully prevent the crazies really taking hold! Not going to buy any pissy sticks but if I'm still waiting on Monday I'll get one.

Posted too soon, how are you la? Bet you're close now?

Thinking of you grads to in the heat, hope you have plenty of ice lollies and a paddling pool?

You're very sensible but I would probably do the same :)

I'm ok 38 weeks today, hoping baby won't be late as I'm very tired and hot! Got a fan in bedroom and ice lollies. Feeling well but just big

Ooh, exciting times! I hope he behaves and you have a very elegant sneeze birth at the weekend when it's cooler

tink, Monday!

I know, I know. Actually, I may have wasted the last hour pondering this, starting to feel very ertdy!

Tink, it has to be Monday.

Cold, yes expect 14dpo, whenever you ice.

I have the skittletits! Body getting back to normal

Waves to Ain

I will admit I had to poas this morning but I'm not accepting any hooyahs for this one as I was advised to do it by the hospital. I've to go in for a minor (and totally unrelated) procedure today, and when I mentioned ttc, they advised me to test on the day and cancel the appointment if bfp. Twas bfn of course.

I will now put the pissy sticks away until Monday.

Yay chat glad things are doing what they should. How long til you can join us and hop on the good foot and doing the bad thing?

Good luck today second

I am very needy today! Cats keep scattering the moment I enter the room! Dog can only sleep when it's hot, all else is a physical impossibility for her. So I am following the cats round this should probably be an incentive to do some work!

likely story tea !! ;)
in that case you REALLY shouldn't have POAS yesterday too!

ain i almost always write a weekly food thingy as it stops us being lazy and just getting fish n chips etc...but like you say i let it be flexible too so i switch things around ad hoc, or change them slightly (esp as i frequently forget to get the required out of the freezer in the morning!). DH had a couple of weeks of NO CARB AT ALL which was hard, but does make you explore alternatives and realise it's not that bad to go without it sometimes. Dh (a complex relationship with food and bad genes) has now lost ~6 stone, so it can be done x

I've always found that low carb/high protein is great when you need to give the body a bit of a kickstart or to get some weight off quickly, but it's tough to run/bike hard without the carbs. Lots of veg and lean protein is a good place to start in general though.

How are all the 6-20 dpo-ers doing??

By 20 I mean 10

Déjà vu for me as I'm now 6dpo again or 8dpo thanks to stupid ff.

Feeling alright though. How are you?

I'm going on a boozy hen do this weekend. What shall I do? hoping for comments of the go for it variety

Forgot everything I just read (too hot) apart from chat's skittletits! Yay for throbbing bosom. And tink if you don't want to do it when il around then it's Monday I'm afraid.

Love to you all.

I was wondering who was at 20dpo!

My name is Tink and at 13dpo I poafrer. bfn. Not surprised or even upset. Need to get my shit together - start eating better, drinking less again etc. It was my last chance of a bfp before I turn 34, I needed a kick up the arse tbf. Shagged lots but haven't tried the new meds yet (for high prolactin) so will prob spend a month being good and then get on the drugs, didn't want to but I think needs must now. Good luck to the rest of the twotters, try and get some Pisces babies - all of my favourite people are Pisces!

just go for it, just don't get completely twatted!

Just I had a girly cocktail fuelled weekend before my bfp. Just saying.

Ain I'm proud of you.

tink could still be twerly but good that you have a plan if af comes. Can't even bring myself to hooyah you

Ah Tink! Who fuelled that crazy?? I'm back on the wagon all being normal in three weeks. Just in time for our wedding anniversary, excellent excuse