There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hooyah duly accepted!

(Exposes right cheek (face, not arse) ready for kipper slap)

I POAS today.

Am still 6 days before AF.

I deserve the shame (it was BFN of course).

F*ing newbies!

Tinkfromlovejoy crisis averted - my sale dresses from Debenhams arrived earlier than expected :D

Another ex-veggie here - ovo-vegetarian (I'm lactose intolerant) for 3 years about a decade ago. I try to be relatively ethical in terms of how I purchase meat - preferably from local sources etc, and I try to have at least one meat-free day every week.

Mega hooyah second!

Beach was lovely - SIL and nieces visiting so there was a little crowd of us. Overcast but warm so perfect for children, and because we got there relatively early it was super quiet. Got to make the most of these days before the holidays and Cornwall goes apeshit!

My name is SecondCupOfTea and I POAS too early.

I apologise.

tea admiting it is the first step to recovery. Now back away from the pissy sticks!! Naughty tea!!! How many dpo are you?

triJo did i miss your welcomes? Or are you a nc? Either way, hi! waves

Soooo nice outside and conf room doesnt even have windows:(

Country At best guess I'm 8dpo, 10 max. I know, the shame of poasing. I promise to behave...or at least not admit it on here

Shell I'm new! waves back

second! Hooyah mrs! In that way madness lies

I was wondering that too, welcome Tri!

Hooyah tea!

I need a hooyah but maybe only a little one as I didn't poas like second

Today at work I had a heightened sense of smell - swear I could smell cat food, also had a weird metallic taste in my mouth, obviously I decided I must be pg except that I am only 4/5 dpo max

My scientific brain has concluded that I must be upduffed with triplets

cat it's far too early for the crazies. Even if it was triplets they still wouldn't have immplanted! Gentle hooyah. I know it's hard.

Who's gonna keep me from the crazies as you lot have obviously gone mental!

Hooyah but secretly hoping it's triplets!

Hooyah! Stop pissing so early, crazies!

Hooooooooyaaaaaaah

I'm the most hideous hormonal irrational wife this evening. In fact, I'm just going to go to bed in a bit so DH and I don't fall out. I'm right in the middle of the TWOT basically so who knows what it's all about

I nearly cried because I tried making something new for din and it was horrible

Wow you viroids all need massive hooyah's!!!

HOOYAY viroids! country i'll keep you from the crazies as I can NOT POAS like the best of them!!! some of us have will power

some distraction from the crazy for those that need it - seamlessthread.com/collections/camel-no-by-seamless-thread - i am not suggesting any of you actually need this by the way do you?

HOOYAY WTF?!

5hell! Omg now I've seen everything!

Well I tend to hit the crazies 6/7 dpo so will need your but kicking powers 3 days time. Although I threw all my hpts in the bin last month and it feels oddly liberating knowing there's none in the cupboard to tempt me. I can't obsess over it as there's nothing to piss on!

Pahahaha those are hilarious!

Hooyahs all round!

I don't think I said hello to tea or tri Sorry ladies!

I'm determined to give this whole weight loss thing a good go. I'm trying to go low GI (as recommended for PCOS). Going to admit something about myself now that I have kept to myself on here... Please don't judge me... I have real issues with food. Sometimes they affect me more than others. It's one of the reasons I am going to counselling. I have been diagnosed as bulimic in the past. By in the past I mean 10 years ago. I am no longer bulimic, and haven't been for a number of years, but I do still have some major issues with food and eating which result in some real crazy eating. Something my counsellor has suggested as I'm trying to eat regularly and low carb (and yes, I'm aware of how simple it is, but sometimes you need someone to tell you these things...) is to plan a weeks worth of meals on one A4 piece of paper, but to be flexible as to not have a break down if I don't stick to the plan. I did that last week in a table type thing so I could see what I plan to eat and when and can also plan to ensure I can see how many portions of carbs etc I am eating. Last week it worked well. Trying it again this week. I didn't explain that too well... But I know what I mean...

Sounds sensible ain. Good luck with it lovely