There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

fluffy my dh started with caffeine free diet coke and now drinks tesco orange zero. I do think opening up will help, like u say he can't know ur upset if u don't tell him.

Lil he won't touch anything diet, he loves the sugar too much. I think I will see an improvement with things. I do need to be more honest with him, and I think things will be so much better then. Thanks lil for all your advice x

perhaps u should send him for an sa fluffy, if he has bad sperm it may change his mind on the sugar. always here if u need to chat x

No coca-cola bought at the supermarket for this week, hes got fanta and sprite and sugar-free squash instead. Making small steps. What point would you recommend a sa Lil? Doubt he would be up for going until he felt it was necessary. Plus, with my irregular cycles I feel more of a problem than him at the moment.

Just adding my two pence worth belatedly and that is that I totally agree with explaining to your partner exactly exactly exactly exactly exactly how the cycle works, stats, and so on. Most women don't have a clue about the chances and detail unless they've been struggling to conceive, so how can we expect men to. Education is power, and maybe a bit of power will give him what he needs.

I think the progesterone is screwing with me viroids. Everything tastes salty and I've been really achy since I started it on Friday. I wish I could say I'm symptom spotting but as it is only 2dpo it is definitely the new hormones. besides already salty stuff like crisps and popcorn I have no idea what to have for lunch.

fluffy 28-42 day cycles, always different here with no pattern. I have an amh of 40 which is a very high level, perfect lining, ovulate every cycle,got 11 eggs at ivf, good prog levels, and I did get pg when the sperm were giving a helping hand. I'm not saying you won't have issues but I am saying irregular cycles doesn't indicate issues itself. they say you have to be ttc 12 m to get tests but if he does and asks gp they may not necessarily want it to be 12months. sorry, I can't remember how long uv been trying

Thanks Lil. We've only been trying since April, and I'm 25 so I feel the doctor might laugh me out of the room if I ask for any checks this soon. Can't even fib about it as I had been getting regular prescriptions of the pill up until then. Gx there aren't going to be any issues, but I will keep an eye on my cycles as they weren't this messed up prior to going on the pill.

Auf, I'm having a crisp sandwich and coleslaw for lunch! Yum!

fluffy, when did u last get pill? you may have got prescription but doesn't mean you took it, so you can add 6months. I personally think it's wrong that they make young couples wait but give older couples test after 6months when they are inherently likely to take longer to conceive. white lies are necessary for fertility. if u did only stop pill in April though please don't worry about irregular cycles. it took over a year for mine to resemble anything like a pattern but temping showed ovulation every cycle. your dh however can make changes to his sperm results so easily whereas you have no control over your cycles. if he wants a baby he has to make sacrifices,starting with the caffeine and the sugar! if u can get him on the vits too even better as they take 3months to have an effect.
you could consider soy isoflavones to try and get you ovulating earlier and improve egg quality but I'd probably wait a few more months before messing with your cycle. I would recommend temping. knowing you've ovulated will take the pressure off you and dh to DTD all cycle. I'm sorry I keep going on, I just feel I can relate so much!! you could be me 18months ago!

Think I last got pill in January, and it was a three month supply as that was all the doctor would prescribe to me. Also mentioned to nurse in March that we were going to start to TTC in May during our honeymoon, she gave us some advice about it so it is possible she recorded it on my notes. Will definitely look into the man-vits, but the sugar I'll be fighting a losing battle. He doesn't drink coffee so is fine with skipping coke but would replace it with another sugar rich soft drink. But I will speak to him about it too, he might see it being worth the sacrifice- but perhaps he'll need a little more time to realise that we need to make some changes.
I really appreciate all the advice lil, its really helpful! Ordered a basal thermometer and chart off ebay just now- lets give this a go

Definitely talk. I'm very guilty of locking problems away - doesn't help but it's a hard habit to break.

Good work dropping the coke. Little steps.

Finally got back in the pool this morning - astonishing that I felt the need to wait for a week just in case pp bleeding hadn't stopped yet shagging was okay straight away . Good session in the end though, I miscalculated the length of the pool and thought I'd been spectacularly slow...I'm actually faster than when I was 15. Result!

Just to reiterate Fluffy, long irregular cycles are not necessarily bad (I was anything between 35 and 45 days, yawn). I only used ewcm, cervical position and guessing about ov pain to pinpoint ovulation. I don't think I correctly pinpointed it in any of my 3 post - pill cycles! We did dtd regularly though, are were both fit DH is a total health freak, it's weird and had genetics on our side so we were quite lucky. You can't do anything about the long cycles at the mo but hopefully if you talk to your DP you may be able to do something about DTD/diet and then you will have everything on your side that can help for now. Even though it might feel like it, you haven't been trying for v long so there is still lots to be positive about. All my gx for you!

fluffy my cycles are 23 to 42 days.

Thanks viroids. Dh and I are definitely on the same page now so hopefully this cycle (when it eventually starts as soon as AF pays her visit) will be a lot more shagging and that will give us a better shot. My average cycle length is 37 days, and I am currently on day 40, no sign of the witch yet.

... are you planning to POAS?

so you obviously started in February fluffy, depending on y u were seeing nurse and nurse misunderstood.

well done chat! faster than at 15

what do you mean by genetics one?

Wee maybe 'genetics' was more accurate as I don't know how relevant this is but my parents got pregnant accidently with older bro, were pregnant with me three months after having older Bro and then with younger Bro less than a year after me. DH'S sister and her husband got pregnant v easily with both their DSs and DMIL was pregnant 3 times in 3 years. (Yey for Irish Catholic background!) Genetics has a part to play in pretty much everything else so I figured fertility too?

...and this is just for fun, all of family have a longer second toe than big toe, this is apparently a sign of fertility?! (Cue all Viroids whipping off their socks to inspect their toes!) No actual scientific basis at all for this one!

lol at the toe theory!!

I always thought I'd get pg at click of a finger because my whole family is super fertile (I'm one of 5 kids, and alot of ppl in family have 4 or 5). apparently my super fertile genes are useless when paired with dhs super lazy ones!!

One peed on 3 in total- all BFN. I have a longer second toe when its stretched out flat!!
Hope fertility isn't genetic, my mum had 2 miscarriages before she had my brother. She has pushed me to start TTC for YEARS as she is convinced that it will take me as long as it took her.

Lil, was seeing nurse for holiday immunisations, so completely nothing to do with fertility, hopefully she didn't make any notes then! At what point is sensible to go pay the gp a visit? I feel I'm still pretty early on in this TTC business and don't want to go rushing ahead thinking there's issues- hopefully it's more just not enough shagging and missing ovulation.

Alright viroids! I probably don't know a single one of you any more but this is my TTC thread (it genuinely is - I made the first post and the original roolz yeeeears ago) so I'm checking in for some shagalicious support for round 3.

CD1 here

Trying since.... well we've not used contraception since thread 1 but I've been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for 4 and a bit years, so breastfeeding, and that seems to have been pretty effective but I'm fed up of the witch already so upping the ante.

Existing sprogs: 2

TL; DR I'll catch up as we go!

My mum and sister got pregnant the first month they tried. Mum says my dad had to walk past the end of the bed and she was pregnant!
None of us have 2nd toes longer than big toe.

No idea about DH family toes or otherwise. DHs aren't longer though

Hi frak!!!! wow, a js veteran! we best all hide the contraband quick! glad to have you with us!
I've been. around since about thread 14/15ish.ttc #1 for forever, I think you may have ousted me as longest standing member of this thread!1st ivf I mc but 2nd ivf coming up so hoping to graduate soon!

Wow frak, you're the original JSer! What a legend Good on ya for starting such a great thread.

Oh my god frak you legend!!!

Wow! Great to have you on board Frak. Presume you've not been lurking the whole time...

I've been around since about Fred 28? I'd graduated after a couple of miscarriages, but my little boy was stillborn at 36 weeks.