There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I go through phases depending on my mood.

I see myself with a tiny baby and only with DD.

I see myself pregnant again, with an appropriately sized, very neat bump. But then I see myself in that consultation room being told 'there's a HB, there's no HB, it's twins, it's an ectopic....'

What this means/proves in reality, is that I want a baby and I'm mad. Can't blame the pineapples either - they are in my 'all in moderation' group...taste vs acid reflux.

chat ditto.

In other news I almost just drank the contents of my ROC.

I often picture myself with men that I'm not married to....

That's not the same thing is it?

Yep, you're most probably mad. I don't picture any of those options, not deep down.

Wooaahh, things aren't that bad auf, try the pineapple first.

I was distracted tink. Peeing, testing for icing, fredding here, getting bath ready, wondering what to eat for dinner. My ROC is a little cup and it just seemed obvious I had to drink it instead of tipping into the basin. It was weird.
However, I'm certain that if I google it the Internet will explain to you why drinking your own urine is conducive to being super fertile.

Congratulations Thursday!

So sorry just - I hope the GP can help you. I almost cried in theatre today because the surgeon was a little bit mean to me - nowhere near bad enough to usually set me off, but I was feeling super-stressed due to TTC, house-hunting, struggling with my module sign-off and it just tipped me over. Had to hide in a corner until I was sorted out.

I couldn't see myself as being a mother and didn't have that strong an urge until BOOM I was pregnant.And as soon as I miscarried I had the urge even more....

Perhaps a large part is self preservation tink?

Also Im sure you have a busy and fulfilling life. It's perhaps hard to imagine that changing to an even busier and even more fulfilling life - the unknown I guess, turning everything you know inside out.

Jesus Auf you need a label for your ROC. Perhaps something like: PISS

I think pineapple over piss has to go in the next Fred title.

sock kick him/her in shins next time you see them. Hope you get chance to be kind to yourself tonight. Dh has suggested a walk and a pint for us later

Crikey Auf that's why I used a tea light holder...have never had the desire to drink out of one of those yet

Tea light holder = fancy shot glass = one might be more inclined to get confused surely?

rummages around for marker pen

Tink I think trying to adopt an approach of mindfulness helps. Rather than dwelling on what we don't have we have to focus on and appreciate what we do have. It's far easier said than done I know! I find doing my guided relaxation CD's help (not done them for ages though). As much as I find it hard to imagine myself bringing my baby home, I find it harder to imagine this house not being home to the sound of tiny voices and laughter. I guess that's what they call hope! Sorry, you've got me feeling all philosophical now!!

auf that's soooo wrong! And why do you put it in the basin gross? I put it down the bog!!

Talk about a lucky Fred!

All that pineapple talk is making me hungry. Remember when we used to play 'what's for tea'?

I will start:

Pasta with homemade pesto, antipasto platter and 2 lemon meringue donuts for pudding.

In other news, am looking a bit chubby.

#glutton #cantsayeatingfortwoifnotpregnant #hopingDPmeantitwhenhesaidheeouldntmindifIgotfat

I had homemade carbonara and a gu lemon cheesecake mmmm
#alsogettingfat

I had mozarella, tomato, basil and extra Virgin olive oil salad, a pitta bread, small glass of white wine and a mini twister

#pie

Woah u lot have got deep, and interesting since i left work!

I had roast chicken, sweet pot mash n peas, followed by muller light yogurt #neededfoodafterinsanity

Small glass of white wine and nowt else!
#needadevilhornemoticon

Chicken risotto here!

I've moved onto sitting with a tin of golden syrup and a spoon.

This counts as being kind to myself, right?

Beef stir fry for tea for me. DH did suggest a takeaway but we plan to go camping tomorrow / Saturday night so needy get the stir fry eaten tonight. I'm never normally one who refuses a takeaway!

2nd day of quitting smoking today too. Yesterday was fine but this afternoon was really hard.

does farting = icing?

kez that's ace that you've quit. it must be so hard but it will be worth it. keep it up. for you!

5hell farting = farting

feathered it does, you carry on. can I get a spoon and join you?

5dpo and already getting the crazies here. think it's worse this month because its the last cycle, again. must hooya self!

hands over a spoon to lil