There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Bloody hell Thursday congrats I hope you finished your bottle of fizz last night!

In my own modest way I would like to think that all this good luck was brought here by a very recent joiner, I.e. me

Ok so we've all agreed no to contraband but we're all going to eat one fifth of a pineapple core from days 1-5 after ovulation? Have I landed in the twilight zone? What is happening to us people? actual belly laughing over here.

I thought the pineapple core was about the selenium? You could always just take a selenium supplement tink and coring pineapple seems a hassle

Its your crazy Aunt Radley here, i've got about a weeks worth of catching up to do work is quiet so that's my afternoon sorted to catch up with you all.

in saying all of that, i've got to do some work, will be back in a bit to catch up!!! xx

Thank you lovely lovely viroids!

So happy to have someone other than DH to share it with - plan to keep it under wraps for as long as I can in RL. We've already started talking about whether we'll find out the sex and names

I had a little 'moment' with my last half a ciggie last night just in case, sad eh?

I lost the plot ages ago tink, I would shove the pineapple up my fanjo if it would get me pregnant!

just acid burn!

must we only eat pineapple core? if i eat the whole thing will it counteract the core's effect?! ;)

it's the bromelain apparently, but we must be cautious which days we gorge nibble on pineapples appararently... pineapplesrule

Pineapple core is really tough though yuk

I eat pineapple (including core) most days as part of my green smoothie. Tis yum Mind you, someone went and mentioned melons the other day...so I had to get one of them too for smoothies.

#feelsick
#forgottoeatatlunch
#itchytit

tea eats pineapple daily and is upduffed?!??! ...cue all supermarkets in vicinity of JSers mysteriously devoid of this tasty tropical fruit

have signed up for Insanity at the gym tonight...am i crazy?! i know the instructor and she is brutal (but lovely)...eek!

I've mostly caught up - Bloody hell on the BFP!!!

Carrot - CONGRATS!!!!!!
Tea - CONGRATS!!!!!!!
Totally - CONGRATS!!!!!!!
Country - (omg) CONGRATS!!!!
Thursday!!! - CONGRATS!!!!!

It'll be brutal but worth it I'm sure 5hell! I've heard good things.
I've got a 10k a and half marathon lined up this summer, they're going to slightly mire tricky now!

Thanks Radley!

On a bit of a downer this afternoon. Do any of the long term ttcers ever wonder if we have some sort of mental block? Like, it's not happening because we don't really believe it will? Or has all this pineapple talk finally made me lose it altogether?

I though the exact same thing the other day tink. I've always thought I can't imagine myself being a mother and low and behold, so far the attempt is proving fruitless!

By "couldn't see myself being a mother" I meant in terms of I didn't see myself as being that lucky, not that I didn't see myself being in the position to. Nothing goes straight forward for me so I presumed TTC wouldn't either. Still disheartening though

Hmm, glad it's not just me. How do we make ourselves see ourselves as mothers though? great grammar
I was told I wouldn't be many years ago, and deep down I still believe I won't. Even though I probably could.

Gosh this is deep for me on a Thursday.

I dunno, I guess from my perspective when with friends talking about the future and they are all like "I'll have 3 kids" and I could imagine them being mothers. Me, couldn't picture it. It's the same when seeing people in pictures with their kids, playing in the park, going to parents evening - couldn't visualise me doing it, yet I could my friends.

Its weird, but I guess only time will tell. It is very deep for a Thursday conversation.

I'm currently sat at work trying to balance something (in accounting terms, not actually balance an object ) but I'm so tired I just want to go home and sleep!

Tink I don't know if I count as a long-term TTCer but I always saw myself as a mother when I imagined DH's and my future together. Having said that, I was unnaturally anxious with my last pregnancy and never managed to put my finger on why. I do wonder if I read too much into these things though.

I used to be able to picture myself and dh very clearly as parents. I always knew I wanted kids. now I can only picture it happening with someone else's child, I.e. adoption. I do try and make myself imagine being pg and holding my baby though. I'm quite big on mind power though.

pineapple, don't core it! just peel it and chop it into 5 slices and eat the lot. it's definitely bromelain, not selenium. tinned pineapple no good as heat treated which kills the bromelain.

I lost the plot long ago.

I don't think there is something like a good mother or a bad mother on that sense of the word. I mean, there are abusive parents, but if someone told you you will be a bad mother because you eg think it's okay to give a child custard, or a bad mother because you like organising your clothes according to colour and get freaked out if it isn't right or a bad mother because you don't want to spend every waking minute with your child (or conversely you do), that in my opinion is rubbish. You become the parent you become. You can't judge someone for being a person. And whether or not you're a parent, you're still a person irrespective of that too.
What I'm trying to say very badly is not to let the societal stereotype influence your expectations. You will be brilliant at some things like having fun tickling and fail miserable at others like having fun bathing

Sorry long post.

:( tink keep at it. I still can't see myself as a mother, it seems so surreal a concept to me.

Hmm, maybe I need to do some positive visualisation then. I don't see myself pg, or with a baby, yet do see myself as lil says, parenting adopted children. Maybe it's conditioning, having thought I'd end up adopting for so long. However it's come about it certainly can't be helping.
chat you definitely count its the same as being able to picture yourself with a bigger family than the one you already have. If you can't see yourself doing it, it's perhaps less likely to happen? Mind over matter.