There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Cor blimey. I thought he had had an epithany on this and was all sorted. How frustrating. I'd be tempted to print out article again then write "remember this?!" In red sharpie all over it.

Man whore

I've not read 50SoG but I must admit I'm intrigued. I wasn't interested in the first book at all but then as you guys said I've heard books 2 and 3 have much better story in them. Maybe I'll read it some day.

My absolute favourite recent book is Song of Ice and Fire (aka GoT) - I wasn't even half as excited about new season on TV as I am about the next book - it's just so good. You have to be into fantasy though...

I have a horrendous heartburn today. Chewing Rennies like there's no tomorrow. Normally they help but not this time and it's too hot to go to the pharmacy...

hope the Rennie's start making a dent carrot

lmao honey I think if I did that he'd just sulk and bitch and moan about what a terrible husband he is and there's no point us both feeling shit.

jelly whatever he's made of its flaccid stuff!

@ lil's last line

well whilst he didn't reciprocate lil he didn't totally shut you down/tell you to shut up?! grasps at staws!

nfmv: cd9, shags=2 (not today), slight hint of ewcm, no drama but was extra horny last night

nfmv: all the ewcm,none of the sex!

5hell they are very short straws you are clutching!

Affernoon shaggers!

Popping my head in to ask if anyone has heard from stoat recently? Not seen her name pop up for a while.

Also I have 3 CB dual digi opks left if anyone is using the digi kits? Obviously don't want to tempt fate but I broke the actual digital bit I dropped it down the bog when tidying so wouldn't be able to use them anyway should the worst happen (gx for a sticky bean though)

I am bored, it's too hot to do anything. Have been scrolling back as had a recollection that someone was many dpo carrot??? And wondered if they'd poas yet?

And country please describe to us the contents of your pants today.

Thank you.

Haha tink other than my feral fanjo? With pleasure...

Yesterday it was obv having a funny five minutes as yesterday's weirdness has disappeared.

NFTROM (news from the rest of me) mega bloat today

Much obliged

Argh! Lost a post. Summary points below:

Lil your DH should stop beating himself up and start spanking you.

My cat was missing, now she's home. I cried lots.

Oh, BTW I spoke to Sunshine Pickle ... She's doing well.

Now, Noniks and Blackdog are people we've not seen in a while either.

Hmm, did stiat say she was stepping away from this thread for her sanity or have I mixed her up with someone else

NFMV - DH talked me into a shag. Just for fun and all.

Then I went and did my run - 7 miles . It was thundery and rainy when I set out, so while I was a sweaty stinker I didn't melt entirely!

I miss noniks and bother.
And what happened to poochie did she get upduffed during one of my hiatus' (Sp)

Glad your cat is back honey, I also suffer from horrible anxiety when I don't know where they are. We live in the middle of nowhere so they have no road sense.

Poochie is still about on the FB group, as is Rachelrwwwr

I think Stoat did want to deal fully with MC first.

Sad when people drop off :(

honey I'm glad your cat is safe and well, I went into meltdown this morning as mine didn't come when called for breakfast even though I had heard the cat flap 'flap' about half an hour before. I think she was miffed that her breakfast was on my timings and not hers

NFMV it got waxed in holiday preparation. I was proud of my braveness. I'm also proud that I don't know what CD it is, must be around the 19/20 mark - I'm must be in the middle of the twot I think

black you ARE brave!

Well in case she's loitering I hope she's okay!

So I went to see the doc this morning and told a wee fib. Told her wed been Ttc a year. She said as were young she won't do anything until it's 2 years. Two fucking years?!?!?

If any of you remember dh had sad balls? Had an ultrasound and everything is clear but he has varicose veins in there (who knew) which apparently very commonly affect feritilty

Ttc is a prick tonight

Boo country 2 bits of horrid news.

regarding ttc for 2 years, that seems harsh. Combined with the news about Mr country's ballsack they really should be thinking about further fertility testing. My guess is it's the nhs trying to save money

if you can afford it consider private fertility investigation. If not, consider further white lies naughty naughty ie, painful periods or some such, so you can start some investigations that way.

Or change surgery, so much depends on the gp.

Try and stay positive though, I have no idea of anyone's stats anymore as can't open the sheet, but if she thinks you're young, and you've only been at it a matter of months then there might just be something in what she's saying

Thanks tink 27 and Ttc 6 months. I know that's nothing in comparison to a lot of you gals. At least it's logged now. Just wound me right up. Not able to change surgery as this ones the closest by quite a few miles. Where do u start reff private sperm checking ??

Carrot - I love asoiaf have you read the history book they did with the two other writers. It's really fascinating and gives lots of real neat background to the world.

Honey - glad cat has returned. Think they do it sometimes to remind us of how awesome we think they are.

Country - sorry about doctors, I second trying to go to another surgery in you area.

Nfmv - the tubal recanalisation went well, both tubes cleared pretty much instantly. My hand where the iv went in is the most painful bit at the moment.

Sad that my neighbor who works with me just got fired, for not showing enough initiative supposedly but I think it's coz someone in the department doesn't like her :-( we cat sit for her occasionally.

Country its three years round here! They will investigate after two but unless there's an obvious reason they won't do anything until three. Generally it takes a year to have all the tests!

Hope your hand feels better ill nice ice pack?

Had mild period type pains while I was at work. Esp in lower back. Feel crappy