We may be rude, some call us crude, but noone can deny, when times get tough or you're feeling rough, on the Viroids you can rely.Among the laughs this bunch of dafts will pick you up each time -JS 48

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2382636-We-may-all-have-the-rabies-crazies-but-we-don-t-need-no-hints-thanks-Grab-yourself-a-small-cider-get-your-sex-towels-at-the-ready-it-s-Just-Shagging-47?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2388137-Were-waving-our-poms-poms-and-eating-our-magnums-as-we-try-not-to-lose-control-of-our-bladders-Its-JS-Grads-29" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of <strong>TinyChat</strong> is <a class="break-all" href="//www.justgiving.com/tinychat/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Ouch honey hope you feel better soon!

Anyone have any exciting weekend plans?

Oh honey how you feeling?

Hugs for honey

country the crazies are here, buckle up it's going to be a rough ride!

Quiet weekend sock you doing anything good?

Oh dear honey what sort of flaring? Arthritis? Or something else?
Did you guys know that some people with arthritis become asymptomatic during pregnancy because the immune system gets suppressed. I know someone whose entire family had rheumatoid arthritis and she had it from ten years old, but it disappeared completely during pregnancy!

Congrats pretz!!

Soz been quite quiet but got a new puppy and lots of sleepless nights but so far settling in well although hoping the shagging doesn't take a nose dive cd5 for me and nothing to report dry as a witches tit

Hope everyone is ok!

Late to the party this time viroids but loving what you've done with the place! JSers are lovely, generous and hilarious women with fab knockers and fannies of steal to go through the amount of shagging we endure enjoy!

I see one BFP already, congrats pretzel!

Sorry for those reading baby announcements - they do suck and can take you by surprise. Click 'hide' if it's too much! They will never know...

honey hope it's a bit better today Hun x

Aug honey has lupus so I'm assuming she is referring to a lupus flare which can mean all sorts of symptoms, including arthritis. my understanding is symptoms are different for every sufferer (my sil also has lupus).

dulcet fannies of steal!! not sure of that will help or hinder the eventual birth part!

just stay away from the pissy sticks

:( honey I hope it's a bit better today. My friend has lupus and I know it can be very painful.

On a positive note she struggled at first to conceive but is now pg with no 3 xx

AW, ladies! You are so sweet! Thank you so much for your concern, you brought a tear to me eye.

Yes, my lupus manifests like arthritis. Right now, I am experiencing stiffness and pain in...
Lumbar region of spine
Left wrist and index finger
Right wrist and all digits
Left toes
Right ankle and toes

Having your toes hurt is a really odd sensation BTW.

So Lil is absolutely right, I am going to have a day or two of taking it very easy.

La, Aug I really hope that my symptoms vanish if I get pregnant. That would be awesome. Don't want to end up on bed rest and steroids!

Last night (before posting) I watched Big Hero 6. It was really good! DH didn't want to watch so he totally missed out. " fist bump tra La La La la" is my face quote.

*tear to MY eye

I am not a pirate.

Of course you have the craZies just it's. 6 dpo! That's basically right on cue for us.

Honey I also have joint issues but oddly have been better in the last week (osteo reckons I'm up the duff and my body is too busy to Pratt about) I think it might be something to do with the zinc I've been taking( apparently good for inflammation)

Feel rancid and deeply sad today. Think I might be ill

i am not a pirate well that cheered me up no end!
Sorry about crappy lupus. I don't know much about it. Although I do know that my one friend who has it can't eat garlic or onions, or ice cream, amongst other things, else she glares up badly. We eat a lot of olives when we hang out.

Coils I ask your opinion on a practical witch-related question. As you may recall AF started for me on Thursday at 8dpo, which is same as last month. I'm taking prog this cycle to try and lengthen the lp so had hoped it would be longer this time However, she has been weird like I said and definitely not full flow. Yesterday and today I've had nothing come through on a pad at all, but she's there every time I wipe. Sometimes just a little bit, but like today so far everyone I've gone to the loo the amount would be equivalent to what I would expect if I had an actual AF and was wiping. But still my pad stays spotless.
My question is do I continue considering this as my May cycle (making me 10dpo today) or do I say that I am cd1 today? Would you ever call it cd1 if you have nothing on a pad but a "light period" amount on wiping, or is blood on wiping always just spotting and not in your view AF?
The reason why it makes a difference to me is whether or not I stop the progesterone now I'm in a new cycle (it's post-ice progesterone only to extend lps) and whether or not I start the soy.
I'm sort of hoping for a hands up who would call it light AF/cd1 and hands up who would call it heavy spotting/10dpo. I think I will go with a majority vote from you clever viroids.
Might ask the normal June bus their opinion as well

Oh country I missed that last update too. Sorry you're feeling crap. I sympathise. I haven't really stopped crying since Wednesday for whatever reason.

coils??? Wtf? coils?
I think that was meant to be viroids can I ask not coils I ask

facepalm

Oh honey poor you. Hope DH spoils you and you're feeling better soon.

The witch snuck in overnight, a day early! So rude!

Was there someone new talking about TSH? I am going to have mine checked on Thursday. I am on armour thyroid (T4 + T3) but lately feeling rather hypo and worried that's affecting TTC.

Here's some and all round as it is too early for

Aug I think that if its just on wiping, its spotting.

Country feeling crappy sucks. If I see one more birth announcement I might break in to hysterics. BIL asked DH the other day, in a jokey way, whether we wanted his unborn baby. Why yes, very much, you arsehole. Have to keep reminding myself that he doesn't know about mc. But still. Argh!

Honey you do realise that's a verbally binding contract. When that babies born you're well within your rights to just take it

hiney thanks. 1-0
Asked the bumsnet people too as there are lots of people on there taking meds.
I've obviously missed my calling as a statistician

^hiney?????? Omfg it doesn't end. honey honey honey* not hiney.

now wondering if the phrase "honey hiney" exists in the popular lexicon

aug I would count full flow as in needing a pad or tampon as cd1 so I would say you are 10dpo today.

To all viroids feeling shit today x

Convo with DH last night

Me: we need to shag tonight
DH: I'm too tired can we do it in morning??
Me: no it has to be tonight, in the morning is too late, it's the last one this cycle WE.CAN.DO.IT you've done fuck all today, how can you be tired
DH: seriously does 12 hours really make a difference.....

Errrrrrr yes it freakin does!! They have no clue, I didn't get the jizz bomb and 12 hours later am still waiting

Thanks black

spotting 2 - 0 AF

Omg black. Maybe you should lock him in the loo for two hours with nothing but an exact outline of how icing and conception works?