Assisted Conceptions (and all the bits in-between) Volume 11

[vallinnapod]

I really hope I haven't missed someone else starting this!

Hi all, happy Saturday. Hope everyone is well.

Lucky sorry you're having a rough time - all the decisions this awful journey brings us are so tough but sounds like you're having it particularly bad at the moment. Look after yourself.

Sunny hope all progressing smoothly and uneventfully.

Hi to everyone else.

I'm about a month, maybe but more, from starting down down-reg for ICSI cycle 2. Can I just ask how others felt going in to subsequent cycles? I've already put it back a month and am tempted to push it back once again for no reason other than I just can't bring myself to contemplate it. Is that weird? I'm about to turn 34 so do feel like I ought not sod about and get on with it, but at the same time I'm dreading it - not the injections or EC, I can live with them - it's the thought of the 2ww and it failing which I just can't face. Did anyone else feel like this? Although we're having a few tweaks to improve the cycle and had to have a day 2 transfer last time because my clinic is shut weekends, ultimately I had 2 top grade embryos put back so just can't see why another would work.

Sorry for a bit of a me post. Have lovely weekends x

lucky I don't think my clinic gave me a choice of any donor other that white (I assume British) they try to match the donors features to mine, I would imagine if there was a partner then they would try to match to him so that hopefully the baby will look similar to the couple.

Did anyone see the article in the mail yesterday about donors potentially having contact with child, story was related to a gay couple who helped a lesbian couple to have a baby but I wonder if bad press will affect people donating?

Highlove I think I know exactly how you feel. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to go for our FET cycle. When it was abandoned I felt nothing. I wasn't happy or upset, just nothing. That worried me. I was then given the choice to go for it immediately (with a different treatment plan) or leave it - any time up to a year (at which point all my tests would have to be repeated).

For me leaving it brings the horrors of going back on the pill (turns me into an irrational, short tempted bitch) in order to get a period. So I have just gone for it. I am feeling very blasé about it all. Started my oestrogen patches on Thursday. Have given up on acupuncture and had two large glasses of wine last night. Sort of just thinking if it is right, it is right. And if not....but cavalier I know.

If this doesn't work we will need full IVF again for which I will waiting until the summer (brother getting married in May) - hopefully by then I will be in a better frame of mind. I am 31 so have time on my side but I am still aware the younger the better. One option I would consider is going to EC and then freezing everything if I still don't feel 100% ready at that stage.

Thanks high love - I think it's completely natural that you have doubts, it's protecting yourself from dissapointment in sure. I told myself I wouldn't be even contemplating this if it couldn't work. My advice would be never do two cycles exactly the same, the tweaks help your mindset - knowing you've leant more and this could be the significant difference. However I guess we all face the fear that there are low success rates in Ivf per say as there are in natural conception - ours just costs a damn site more to have a try that month!

Even going into a donor cycle where I know the sperm is 'good' and my side of things are fine. It fills me with fear as I know Ivf can just not work on some attempts - it's c**p isnt it!!

Age wise i would say dig deep and go for it. Age will only work against us. I'm 34 and thinking despite how much I would love to give time for a natrual miracle - the truth is I probably need to crack on.

You're not alone :-)

Beginningofthejourney - I read the article and panicked at first site! But looking at it - I think this emphasises the need to go through a clinic or reputable sperm bank - or if you do make your own arrangements - make sure the legals are in place! At least I hope so, as this news would make me forget it all!! Haha. X

Thanks for you thoughts and advice Lucky, it really is confusing when trying to think about going for further tests and what implications the results and suggested treatments will have. I just don't want to look back on all of this and think I did not do everything in my power (and in our budget) to make this happen for us. However, I know DH is worried that I will get my hopes up if they do find something on the level 2 tests, that the clinic say they can treat, then go through the FET cycle and it potentially not work again. Some days I, like you Highlove and vallina, feel like throwing in the towel, but I also feel I have come this far and want to see it through to the end, regardless of what happens. If we get that longed for child, then it will all have been worth it, and if not, we will have to decide if adoption is the route we will then go down. You asked about my DH sperm analysis.. it was fine this last cycle. I can't remember what the consultant said about the morphology, but the count was good (I think he would have said if there was a problem). However, he had testicular cancer 4 years ago (he is now fine) so we do not know if the chemo has had any lasting effect on his sperm, but if anything they seem better than ever now.

I hope you manage to come to a conclusion that you and your other half feel happy with Lucky

Hello to all you other lovely ladies.

Wow Sunny just seen your news so happy for you. Look after yourself now and the next few weeks should fly by I feel like mine have (I'm nearly 13 weeks).
x

Thanks so much Weller. Great news you are 13 weeks already! I hope all is going well.

ginger all of these tests and options are really confusing aren't they so I sympthise wtih you. I had a bit of a theme this time kind of 'no stone unturned' but I know that comes at a cost. And it's easy to get carried away with it all. I guess I would just say take your time and research, research research and then go with your gut feeling!

High Love - I totally agree with Lucky Star's wise words. I had really mixed feelings of trepidation and fear going into this last cycle. Sometimes it's easier not to start than start. But I found once I was going and into, I was glad to be again.

So HCG levels seem to be rising and and moving in the right direction so that's great. My progesterone levels are through the roof, so much so Mr T has taken me off all progesterone support. This worries me a little with the MC last time, but I am trusting him. Provisionally booked in for 2nd IVIG tomorrow, expensive yes, but I'll do anything to keep this little bean.

Hugs to all oxo

Fantastic news Sunny hope all goes well - and great you have such high levels. The fact they even test such things is great as most places don't so trusting him sounds a good idea.

Weller 13 weeks, wow!

Well I had what is my first ever known chemical pregnancy in January. After 7yrs ttc child one and needing Immune support to maintain pregnancy am at a total loss of knowing what to do. Can't see consultant saw before as: (a) am not under an IVF clinic and my clinic doesn't support natural preganancy unless you paying for IVF treatment and (b) he has moved to London and his new clinic doesn't support immune treatment. Wish I had a supply of steroids, pessaries etc at home!! Have a few steroids and did take them but it wasn't enough obviously. Tested positive 3--5 days in a row then lost it. Very sad.

Ah Hoops, I am so sorry. Having also experienced chemical pregnancy I know how awful it feels, and how frustrating it must be not to have all the supporting immune meds you did the last time to give you a fighting chance. Sending you big hugs and lots of

hoops am really sorry to hear about your chemical. How hard to think you might manage another DC with the hell that is AC only for it to be snatched away from you. Be gentle with yourself.

Sunny I'm glad everything is progressing nicely. As you say, trust in Mr T! Thanks also for your words of wisdom.

Weller - 13 weeks! How lovely. It must be wonderful to over that momentous 12 week mark!

Lucky how are you doing? How are you feeling about the donor option now? Thanks for your lovely advice. You are spot on that me and my aging eggs need to dig deep and crack on and that's what we will do.

vanilla how are you doing on the patches now? When's your first scan? It's good to know I'm not alone. I think Lucky is right though - there's an element of just gritting your teeth and going with it.

After my wobble at the weekend I've started to focus on the cycle after this one which is bizarrely helpful. I've found a clinic that's further from home but really good success rates, I will push for immunes and maybe look at options like the womb scratch thing. Somehow having a plan for what happens if this one doesn't work makes it feel less stressful.

Hi to everyone else I've missed x

sunny so glad to hear your levels are rising nicely and yay on avoiding the progesterone! My levels were sky high but they've still kept me on one cyclogest a day, and just found out today that will stay that way a little while longer yet

hoop I am so, so sorry to hear about your chemical. Hugs to you.

xx

Hoops, how heart breaking. Our bodies can be hideous to us can't they?

All patched up here, first scan on Friday. Really bloated this time so maybe they are working...or maybe I should stop scoffing

Hoops I am so sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself and let us know if you need anything.

oxo

Hi all and Happy Friday

How is everyone?

hoops I hope you are doing okay.

vallinapod how did your scan go today?

AFM things seem to be going fine, but of course still very early days. I've been in at the clinic almost every day/every other day for bloods but I have this whole weekend off! Not that I'm complaining, I wanted this monitoring and that's what I'm getting. However was just told today they want to do the first scan on Monday. I am terrified, as of course it was the first scan last time we learnt the fateful news. Also just feels too early. Will just be 5 w 4 days. My HCG levels seem to be good and rising as they should and prog still very high. I probably should have asked why they want to scan so early but was a bit taken back and although I could call and ask, I think it would just make me fret more over the weekend. I know it may be too early for a HB, but still I am terrified the same will happen again. Sorry, I know I sound paranoid. I've tried to be much more positive this cycle honest! Just having a bit of a moment.....

Hope you are all well ox

Very happy Friday for me! Lining was 6.4mm - this time in my abandoned cycle is was only 4mm so big improvement. Another scan on Monday but they a cautiously optimistic that ET may be a week on Saturday . It's actually very funny as DH is travelling with work for the next fortnight so I am going to potentially get PG whilst he is away

Wobbles are so natural Sunny. I am sure everything will be fine {{hugs}}

Dear Sunny I know it's really hard, but please try not to worry. You're in such good hands, just let them look after you - everything will be fine. I felt exactly the same not that long ago, and someone told me that although things hadn't worked out before, it didn't mean the same would happen again. So far, she's been right. You and I were in the same boat last year, and now we're in the same boat again - albeit a happier one! You're pregnant and that's fantastic, enjoy it xxx

Great stuff Vanilla, sounds promising. Hope Mondays scan goes well. Nice to have some dates to work to.

Highglove, last cycle I had a saline wash - I think that's a version of the scratchy thing. It was part if the formula that worked...

Hoops, so sorry my dear. And what a pain about your consultant. Hope you manage to find a solution. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

I'm 19 weeks today, def got a little bump. Apparently you grow loads weeks 20-30...yikes! I have my 20 week scan next week, we want to find out if its pink nor blue... I'm v excited.

Happy weekend lovely ladies. DSB

Pocket that's interesting - I talked to my consultant about the saline wash thing after my last cye. He was pretty dismissive (TBH it felt like he'd never heard of it!) but it seemed worth a shot. Can you tell me about how it worked/timing for having it etc.

Sunny glad all is going well. Good luck for tomorrow. It does seem early but trust in them - they've got you this far. I know how scary it is - we also found out at the 7 wk scan last year that things were going wrong so I know as and when we get there again I'm going to be a nervous wreck. I shall have everything crossed that all is perfect tomorrow - let us know.

Vanilla woohoo for your lining. Hope it's continuing to grow. Fingers crossed for this week.

Hoops hope you are doing ok.

Waves to everyone x

sunnyg -I'm so over-the-moon happy for you!! Please try to relax, keeping positive and trust in the amazing Mr T! You have EVERY reason to believe in a very happy outcome. Think of tomorrow's scan as a wonderful opportunity to see your little bean!

highlove - best of luck for this cycle, lovely. Nice to know you have things sorted going forward but hopefully you won't need it.

vallinna - hoorah for a nice comfy thick lining. All sounding good!! Best wishes for Monday and for ET on Saturday!!

hoops - I'm really sorry, lovely. I can't begin to imagine the disappointment. But you did test pregnant so you've proved you can get that far. I really hope you can find someone who can help you. I don't know what the issues/complexities are in your particular case but is there anything any of us can do to help? Investigate at each of our clinics, for example, and see if any of them do what you need? There MUST be someone who can help.

Pocket - best wishes for your 20 week scan - how very, very exciting!!

AFM, I'll be 18 weeks on Tuesday. I haven't felt the baby move yet but I first felt my DD move in wk 18 so I'm thinking any day now........

F
xxx

Highglove i cant remember when i had the saline wash - i think i had an AF after it but before the treatment if that makes sense. Your clinic should know, but if there not keen on doing it in the first place, phone around and ask - I?m sure my clinic would advise even if you don?t go there hsfc.org.uk/. I was terrified beforehand (thought it would be really painful and use a high pressure thing - it wasn't!) it was a very quick and simple, think i was in and out within 30-45 mins although the actual procedure was only 10-15 mins i think. A catheter was inserted (that was the worst bit) and then a small syringe of water is put through it ? it was a bit uncomfortable but not painful and I took a couple of paracetomol beforehand just in case. And I didn't leak at all afterwards - in fact i went shopping to treat myself to something nice (cant remember what it was now). When my consultant recommended I do this, I didn?t hesitate in following her guidance. I don?t know whether this was the one thing that made a difference to this cycle ? but I?d say do it as a belt and braces thing. Good luck x

sunny I just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. Not unusual for them to scan so early - I was 5w6d so only just after you. I think they go on your hcg levels, history and Mr T's experience so each case is different. It may well be too early for hb but they should explain it before hand (think was about 40% odds when we went so you will be lower than that). I won't say relax as it will be impossible, I know, but try and distract yourself as much as you can. Have everything crossed for you. Xx

Sunny just wanted to send you a hug for tomorrow. I know its scary but i'm sure everything will be okay. Let us know how you get on x

Sunny I am also sending hugs for tomorrow, hope all goes well and it is a positive experience for you this time. As the others say, you are in good hands. xx

Sunny lots of luck for today. I'll be checking in regularly for an update. Fingers and toes crossed all is completely perfect.

Thanks Pocket for the info. Think it's too late for this cy le - AF on the way so now on countdown to down-reg which will start around day 21. But it's on my back-up plan list for cycle 3.

Thanks Frosticle for your good wishes.

Ginger how are you?

Hi to everyone. Careful in the snow. Anyone else really had enough of the bloody stuff now?! Roll on spring!

Hey Sunny fingers crossed for you today.

I hope you get all my luck as I had a crap scan today. My lining has gone DOWN by 2mm to 5mm. They aren't even sure how that is possible if I haven't been bleeding....great.

They have added progynova back and baby aspirin. Another scan on Thursday which will either be a go for ET 5 days later or abandoning the cycle. Again. :(

Vallinnapod sorry to hear about your lining. You must be so frustrated. I really hope it comes back up so you can go ahead with ET.

Highlove I also had a scratchy thing done at my last clinic. I think it was called a pipelle saline infused sonogram. Anyways you don't need to think about it now as this cycle is going to work anyway.

Thank you so much ladies for all of your good wishes. I had them there with me at the scan, which I was so nervous about I almost threw up on the tube on the way in.

It all went well. Amazingly we saw 2 sacs and 2 heart beats! OMG! Stunned. Obviously still very early days, and still cautious (I think us fertility ladies are always going to be) but of course so happy and grateful. I am hoping and praying these two little peas stay around. Thank you so much for all of your support, it means the world.

xox