mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Delurking again to say congratulations missbrightside! That's fantastic news xx

Sound drums and trumpets!
Farewell sour annoy
For here at last begins
Your lasting joy

Congratulations Brightside - that is the best news. X

Ahhh .... thanks girls xx

Although I thought the 2ww was bad. It feels like it has now started again with a whole new bunch of hurdles to overcome .....

One day at a time ... one day at a time ...

xxx

Delurking to say congratulations Miss Brightside So very pleased for you

Wonderful news missbrightside!! I can totally understand your nerves, but you've got to be 'in it to win it' so one day at a time. Keep us posted. Could u remind me what was your drug protocol?

How are you feeling notnow?
And missbrightside?

And everyone else of course!

All the same as ever here. I've put IVF off another month so will probably do it the cycle after the next one, which will prob start any day.
Found out yesterday that one of my friends who's been trying for years too has just had an ectopic pregnancy and had to have a tube removed. I feel so sad for her, seems really unfair

Off to a 2 year olds party in a bit. It started 30 mins ago and I'm still not dressed! Waiting for the adult drinking bit after!

Xx

How is everyone? I'm a bit ill and hoarse but will live

One of my oldest friends messaged me last night to tell me that she's 6 months pregnant with twins and that she hadn't known how to tell me which is why she left it so long (i'm seeing her in 2 weeks so she had to tell me)
I feel really odd about it, am thrilled for her as last I heard she was having cysts or something and thought she might be infertile, but I'm also jealous and also sad that people feel they have to tip toe round me. Also she's one of my wilder friends who I thought would stay wild for a bit longer and out of that group there will now only be me and our lesbian friend who are childless. Plus I'm jealous that she's pregnant with twins, one of each, that sounds perfect...

I feel like a right bitch and am also now thinking that I'm about to spiral back into a TTC stress head which I'd managed to leave behind for a couple of months.

Hope you're all feeling more chirpy than me today x

Hi Caipirinhas - I know those feelings well and come across them fairly regularly as I bumble along. I can't offer much advice apart from I know tha wehn I don't give in to them and acknowledge them at least, they feste away inside of me. I find that if I admit and accept that that is how I feel, I seem to get over it a bit quicker. But there doesn't seem to be a way round it for me. Plus everyone is different so maybe that won't work for you. I just wanted to post so you know I'm here and can both sympathise and empathise with you.x

I'm okay. Had a bit of a crisis earlier in the week when I got something of second line (pic is on my profile still if you want to have a squizz) but turned out that it wasn't to be and AF dutifully appeared. I bought two dresses and some make-up in recompense for myself. Retail therapy seems to be the way forward for now.

Hope everyone else is well.

Sorry for all the typos - was typing quickly!

How is everyone?
Sorry to hear AF arrived bearface. And well done on the shopping!
How are you feeling missbrightside?
And notnow, lesley and everyone else?

I'm hungover but my drinking buddy is flying back home to Oz today. I need to start detoxing as will be starting IVF again in a couple of weeks

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and enjoying the sun x

Hi, hope everyone is well and congratulations Miss Brightside
Also welcome back Notnow.
I know I haven't been on here for a while so have missed all the news but have been trying to stay away from all ttc Internet stuff (without much success) as it was making me more stressed!
Caipirinhas Im with you on feeling envious. I found out my good friend is pregnant recently and it made me feel really bitter, I know I should feel happy for her but as we are rapidly approaching the 3 year mark it just made me feel very very jealous and I can't bring myself to see her. I know it's selfish but ill just end up feeling worse about my dysfunctional body if I meet her :(
On a brighter note think we may be getting a cat, which will cheer me up no end. X

Hi everyone.

Congratulations missbrightside-it's nice to hear some good news on this thread. It's been a long time coming!

Love the idea of a cat pomatron. Where will you get it from? I've spent the last 4 years of marriage trying to persuade my DH that cats are lovely but am not getting anywhere fast. Thinking I may just have to get one and hope he loves it when it's here!

My latest coping strategy for all this ttc rubbish is to do things I wouldn't be able to if I were pregnant so off to some white-water rafting this weekend at a man-made course nearby. Anyone else doing anything exciting?

Hello girls

Hope you are all well. Just a quick one as am so behind at work that I really need to try and concentrate ......

Thank you so much for your well wishes. Still very early days - and still only feel like we can take it one day at a time - but did see a heartbeat this morning which cheered us up no end ......

Caiphirinas Hope that by now you are feeling better. Not long before you start again ! Exciting. Sorry that you were upset (unintentionally) by your friend. Won't bore you with the long story but I feel like I've now lost my oldest friend due to our fertility woes. Our lives just went in totally different directions (plus I am still ASTOUNDED at how little interest she showed in our IVF - but that's more of an Am I being Unreasonable !!)

Bearface Sorry that you had a HPT crisis. They are evil things. Really don't like them. Hope that you are feeling better about things.

Pomatron Get a cat !! I'd love one - and the minute I don't live in a flat without a garden I will get one !!

Dreamy Nothing as exciting as white water rafting this weekend. Although am going to a Burleque night !

Lesley How are you ? Are you back in Oz ? If so, hope you enjoyed your trip back home.

Not Now If you are reading - do hope that things are looking a little brighter for you xx

Right - really must pull my finger out. Nearly the end of lunchtime and that's normally when I begin my countdown to hometime ........

xxx

fab news re the heartbeat missbrightside!

Fantastic news missbrightside! I know you must still be nervous but that really is a v encouraging sign (I've never got that far so in my head it's the holy grail!). What was your protocol? I'm contemplating ivf round 4 & they want to change my protocol from short antagonist to an agonist and for whatever reason I'm v nervous/skeptical about it. Do you think it matters how positive you are during a cycle? I worry I'm starting to assume NOTHING will work for us.
How are you capirinhas? How are you feeling about your next round? I can relate to issue with friends - I actually cancelled seeing a really good friend when I was home in the uk as she has a 1 year old and is now accidentally 3 month pregnant with next. She was really understanding but it makes me so sad and angry that I can't deal with pregnant people and I've become so bitter! (ps miss brightside - you are excused from this as you've a) totally done the hard yards, no accident involved and b) have hopefully broken the bad luck of this thread!)
pomatron how are you? Def get a cat. We got our kitten a month ago, it was tough at first as I'm a bit particular about keeping the house clean & tidy, I also felt a bit sad that I was resigning myself to a 'fur baby' but you know what, I don't care! She's gorgeous - heaps of fun & is proving a good distraction for me and OH.
bearface sorry to hear about HPT rollercoaster. That's cruel. Will keep my fingers crossed its a sign your body is working and next month will be the one.
dreamy enjoy the white water rafting! Good thinking! I'm not v sporty but I've signed up to yoga at work, starting tomorrow & started jogging again. I've put too much on hold for ttc and it hasn't made the slightest difference!
Hope everyone else is well - including lurkers! Always good to hear from others in a similar situation.

Miss B - Glad to hear you're well and the Brightside bean is growing well.

Dreamy - you're braver than I am. I hate boats and have had bad experiences with canoeing over white water, so won't be going there again.

Well done on all the kittens everyone. I'd love one, but I'm allergic and I don't like it when they kill stuff. I'd freak out if they let a mouse or rat free or half-dead in my house!

I have to say I thought I'd be okay with going round to see friends who have newborns or are preggers but I am now actively avoiding them after I went to a friend's and burst into tears. Her little toddler came over to comfort me which just made it worse! I thought I was pretty strong, but obviously not. I think it's alright if we don't talk about TTC and I just get on with it, but if it gets mentioned and there are bubbas nearby (as happened here), I'm useless.

I don't know what all the things mean Lesley, but I hope it goes well for you. Sending you good vibes. Are you in Oz then?

Thanks for all the consolatory messages about the HPT. I'm fine and these things happen. I sometimes feel I might have been imagining it, but then I go back and look at the pic and there was deffo a line. Anyway, must stop torturing myself and look forward, which DH and I are doing now. Our referral appointment has been cancelled and rebooked for the third time now in as many months - bloody idiots. Luckily neither DH or I had booked time off work for it yet. It also gives us a bit more time to tempt Mrs Fate into giving us our BFP before the appointment. We're giving it a good shot of EOD at the mo and DH has been taking his tabs for about 3 months now, so fingers crossed.

Hello ladies. Would you mind if I joined this thread? I don't "technically" qualify as I've only been ttc for 17 months but it feels like 20 years. I'm 38 and have had 1 mc (at 10 weeks) last May and 1 TFMR (T21) at 14w3d in January but not had any luck since. Because I've conceived twice now, my GP is reluctant to send me for tests but I feel quite panicky each time AF arrives (it's due this weekend and I got BFN on a test just now). I'm just so nervous I'm running out of time if we need to go for IVF in future. I'll be 39 in October and 39 is the cut-off for IVF on the NHS. I just feel so powerless. What are my options? Should I insist the GP sends me for tests? Should I find a private clinic to do some tests? What do you think? Any advice would be really appreciated!! Thank you. xx

welcome someday! and sorry you find yourself here with us.
where abouts are you? just wondering as although 39 is the recommended cut off for IVF is changes massively, it's 35 where I live (East Berkshire). I don't really know what to advise, sorry, I had a pathetically faint positive after our last IVF but it only lasted a day or 2 and that's my entire experience of conception so I don't know what doctors elsewhere would suggest in your case. Maybe someone else will be more useful. There's a website www.HFEA.gov.uk which has useful info about clinics etc which might be worth a look at

Lesley I bet your kitten is so cute! Our cat was already 8 months when we got him so we never got to see him as a tiny cat. Hunting season has started again here though so we're getting loads of slow worms brought in and a mouse last night. Pomatron you should def get a cat!
I have no idea if it matters how positive you are during your IVF cycle, although I don't see how it can. From memory MissB wasn't that positive towards the end of her last go

Bearface enjoy your EOD weekend!! We haven't done that for ages, but may have to give it a go this cycle....if I can be arsed

dreamy have fun at the weekend. Are you going to Nottingham? I've done it there a couple of times and it was great fun

MissBrightside Hope you're feeling okay and it's starting to sink in. I don't think I'd believe it for months!

Notnow hope you're doing okay as well in case you're reading

I've just come back from the clinic. Am probably 2 weeks away from Day 1 but forgot that the drugs will start on day 21, had in my head it would be sooner. I also forgot how bloody long it takes with the down regging... Reckon we'll be looking at ET mid August ish

Has anyone else bought their own drugs? They mentioned it today but I have no idea how much we could save or how much of a hassle it is

have a lovely weekend everyone xx

Thank you for that link, caipirinhas - it's a minefield isn't it, knowing where to start. I live in Surrey where the cut off for IVF is 39; I think you get 2 rounds on the NHS. Not sure we're eligible though as I have been pregnant twice in the last year. (6 months pregnant and nothing to show for it!!) So fed up about it all. Having read up a bit more I'm wondering whether clomid might be a better option for me, at least at first? But I also did like the sound of the new time-lapse imaging thing they can do now with IVF but not sure if that's real or just newspapers making something out of nothing. Have rung my GP and booked an appointment to talk through my options. I just know she will say "you've just got to be patient; we know you can conceive and that is half the battle." V frustrating though as I obviously have dodgy eggs and yet the only way of me knowing if a baby is going to be ok is to wait for the 12 week scan. Plus it's taking soooooo long to conceive again I'm going out of my mind. Sorry for going on. How are you feeling about your IVF? Does it make you feel calmer / more in control knowing you're following a procedure and are in good medical hands?
How is everyone else doing?
missbrightside (great song, by the way) -you must be thrilled about your little one?

Welcome someday and sorry you find yourself here. From my perspective, testing has been pretty pointless as we're officially unexplained (although age and egg quality would appear to now becoming an issue). I had a missed miscarriage (then d&c) in April 2010, by July 2011 I got frustrated waiting so got referred to a fertility specialist, they wanted me to do a monitoring cycle (just monitoring you to check you ovulate) and I fell pregnant again, this time suspected ectopic but resolved naturally at 8 weeks (albeit bloody slowly) then decided to 'speed things up' and did a medicated IUI - again fell pregnant again, missed miscarriage picked up at 8 weeks (followed by D&C and normal chromosome result). I then tried 2 more medicated IUIs and 3 fresh rounds of IVF - all with no result (first round I had crappy egg quality so only one blastocyst to transfer none good enough to freeze, second time only one fertilised no clue why then third time was better, 2 good ones transferred and 1 frozen). Sorry for long boring story but my point is - specialists and ivf might not be the silver bullet and waiting to try naturally for 6 months might save you a lot of frustration an heartache.

How's everyone else?

missbrightside how are you? What do you think made the difference for you this time?

caipirinhas fancy being cycle buddies? I'm currently on the pill but go for endo scratch on Monday which will be my day 21.

Hope everyone is well. Any desperate tales of ttc to relate?

Hi everyone, hope you are all okay. I good news about the heartbeat Brightside - that must have been lovely to see.

I'm getting divorced. Met up with my husband tonight for yet another big talk and he has definitely made up his mind that we're over. I really hoped that he would see the light but I guess I need to start accepting it now. I just wanted to write it down to make it seem real.

Oh crap notnow. I am so so sorry to hear that. Please know that you WILL be happy again, you will get past this. Take care of yourself. If you can and if it helps keep us posted on you're doing x

Thanks Lesley.

Oh notnow, that's shit, I'm so sorry
As Lesley says things will get better and life will no good again, just different to how you'd first planned it
Feel free to vent here, other than the amazing missbrightside there's not much baby making happening to chat about!

lesley happy to be buddies!

notnow - so sorry to hear your news. How are you feeling about it all? Divorce is shit, even when it's the right thing to do. (I'm on my second marriage so luckily am 'out the other side' but can remember how tough it was at the time.) I'm not sure what to say but I hope you have lots of friends & family for support. And there's us lot here too.
lesley - thank you for your message. I felt a bit shocked when I read it, didn't know quite what to say as you've been through so much. I hope round 4 of IVF works out for you.
I had a call scheduled with my GP yesterday and she said she wasn't surprised I wanted to be referred for tests etc and she would do the same in my shoes. She said I should get a letter in the next 2-3 weeks (-who knew Royal Mail was so slow these days!) referring me to see a consultant and they may well recommend Clomid. I really hope so as am fed up of month after month going by with no joy. I feel bad saying this but I really didn't want to be in my 40's when I have my first baby but it looks like that's rather inevitable (if I ever manage it). I find it quite difficult not being resentful when I see young happy twenty-somethings with their babies. Ho hum. Life never turns out the way you expect, does it?
Anyone got any good holiday book recommendations by the way? I don't want anything toooo fluffy, but nothing too worthy either.
Went to see the Stone Roses last night in Finsbury Park. Woke up at 11am when DH's brother rang to say he'd been up with his DC since 5.30am. There are some advantages to being child-free.