mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

Oh god I really feel for you.
Facilitating might help take your mind of things for a bit, although I know it's far from ideal
You need to take some time on your own to think it all through and consider how you feel about every scenario.
Is he adamant?
Wish I was near enough to take you out for a drink! Is there anyone you can call on?

Lesley I'm so sorry you have additional stress you don't need right now. Don't panic just yet - it might just be last minute nerves (his - not yours) talking. I do think that IVF affects men in a way that possibly none of us realise. My own DP previously made more than one irrational threat during the whole shitty process. It's tough and I really do feel for you right now. I hope he calms down and thinks rationally xxx

Sorry, crossed posts
Might some of his fear be that if things don't work you would come home? And with his child potentially
Agree that this is the worst possible time for him to say this
Could you still be with him if he says no?

Sorry - mine crossed too. Ring in sick and go home. Honestly, work can wait xxx

It's 8.20 pm here - he told me at about 6.30pm. We got home - we talked a bit & then he's gone out for a drive & to talk to his sister (at my suggestion). Trouble is she doesn't understand ivf so may not understand the enormity of what he's asking. He seems to think we can just freeze embryos and try again when we're 'sorted' - I just don't want to have gone through all this & not even have a chance + there's no guarantee we'll get anything to freeze. I'm so overwhelmed right now. Thanks so much for all your speedy replies - I don't want to upset/worry my mum & don't know how to explain it to anyone else!

Fingers crossed he'll see the enormity of what he's asking and see it's not just a practical issue about freezing, it's a massively emotional undertaking that you gear up for and to just stop would be a huge wrench

God I hope so. He thinks I'm being negative suggesting there may be nothing to freeze - where as I think I'm just being realistic. I think if I go ahead without his support, he won't forgive me but if stops me going ahead I'm not I'll forgive him - our situation just seems impossible!

He has to come round then!
With freezing, you'd have to do all the drugs etc again, it's not much simpler than doing the full thing and I think they're probably more particular about quality
I have everything crossed you can work this out x

When were you supposed to be going for transfer (or don't you know yet) ? That should give you some time before any rash decisions are made. For what it's worth I don't think you are negative to consider not having anything to freeze - it's actually the most likely outcome for everyone.

I'm actually feeling really for you !

(sorry - that is a completely unhelpful comment)

xx

Me too

Transfer should be Saturday if day 3 or Monday of day 5

What did he say after seeing his sister?
Thinking about you x

He said she agrees with him that we can't proceed if he feels this way. I can't believe this is happening, it's like a waking nightmare. I've decided I have to phone in sick today - I've been up all night pretty much & I'm a mess. I need to speak to the clinic and see what my options are.

I've spoken to the clinic - they were pretty clear I can't continue. They're going to proscribe me some drugs to manage my stimulation 'come down'. If we have 4 or 5 decent embryos tmrw, they'll culture them to blast then freeze on day 5/6. If we have 3 or less they'll freeze tmrw on day 3. I can't believe this is happening.

Oh lesley I'm so sorry
I'd speak to your mum, I know you don't want her worrying but it's her job and I think you need someone to talk to who will understand your view on this
What a completely shit situation xx

I was so hoping that things might have resolved themselves overnight Lesley. I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. As Caiphirinas says I do hope you have someone nearby you can speak to or stay with. Still feeling really for you. The whole process is physically and emotionally draining in any event so make sure you put yourself first and take really good care of yourself xxx

Thank you so much - I can't tell what a lifeline you both were, especially in the middle of the night. Really glad I phoned in sick - I've wept pretty much on and off all day. I spent the morning in PJs with kitten on my lap then got dressed and met a friend for coffee this afternoon and pretty much let it all out - about how he's gone off sex, refused to really deal with it & made me feel it was all my fault for being emotional and baby obsessed. I've felt that sharing it was betraying his privacy but after the last 24hrs I figure he's forfeited that and I just need to do whatever I need to to cope. Currently waiting for him to get home from work but he's meeting neighbour en route home as he said he wants to talk to someone. He seems to have gone from Aussie bloke 'I'm alright mate' to wanting to talk to everyone all overnight!!

God don't worry about his privacy if he's talking to the neighbour!
This is a massive deal and you need to talk it through, you shouldn't have to deal with it on your own. Was your friend supportive?
I forgot about your little kitten, glad you had some furry company .

I'm at work but it's a quiet dull Friday so will keep checking this to see how you're doing
Xxxx

(To give a very brief update on our situation, the nurse has said I can go ahead without the down regging drugs but only if the cyst has gone by then otherwise I might need another aspiration. And I have a interview next week for a new job!)

Oh Lesley - I've just checked the thread and I'm absolutely gutted for you. (Sorry I don't check it more often!) How absolutely horrendous for you. I'm glad you've been able to talk to a friend about it and that Miss B and Cai were here for you when you needed them most. Have you managed to get through to him at all yet? I can't believe he'd do this at this stage. I'm and for you. x

Well done Cai on the interview and on potentially moving forwards - hope the cyst has gone for you.

Oh God, Lesley, I'm so sorry. I've just checked in and seen all of this - what an awful situation. He's behaving so badly and it's so, so hard for you. There are many words for it, all of them sweary, none of them helpful. Thinking of you. X

How are you doing Lesley? Have you spoken to your husband about things?

How are you notnow?

Hi bear, how are things with you?

We're heading into London later for lunch, a walk, some comedy then dinner, and I fully intend to have some cocktails
Xx

Hi Caipirinhas. I'm doing alright, although I was quite wobbly a couple of days ago when it was my husband's birthday - felt so weird not to be with him. His present's still on the side table because he hasn't been answering messages about when to meet up. We're getting into the organisation of selling the house and have had a few valuations. It's worth more than we thought, which gives me a bit of room to manoeuvre on where to live. My parents have been away for a week so have been on my own. It's strange to be completely alone in the house as I haven't been by myself for any length of time for 11 years. Looking forward to them coming home today. I can hold it together much better now at work and so on, so am gradually learning to cope. Now that it's all decided, at least I can start to accept what's happening rather than hoping he'll change his mind. I'm not in suspense any more. Just sad, you know.

How is it going for you? Have you heard any more about whether you will be able to go ahead with the downregging? It sounds as though it's a veerrrrry frustrating time for you. I really hope it all evens out soon.

Thanks so much all of you - I think I'm still in shock. I'm just not sure what happens next with us. He had to work today but he seems utterly unshakeable.

caipirinhas how long till they check progress on your cyst? Will keep all crossed that it behaves and disappears in its own.

notnow, bearface and missbrightside how are you all? Any exciting plans for the weekend?

Thanks again so much to all of you for being there for me. Reassured me that I'm not losing my mind and that he's done an incredibly shitty thing.

He is definitely doing a shitty thing. I know men are allowed their own feelings etc etc but am starting to think they are so emotionally incompetent that try should be kept in a box until they learn what is good for them.

Sorry I missed messages.

caipirinhas hope you had a fab time in London & enjoyed those cocktails! I had a G&T in the sun by the beach this afternoon - I don't remember the last time I drank spirits and my god it was good!

notnow the birthday must be really strange. Is he still living in your old house? Sounds like you're being incredibly strong. I may need some tips if things don't improve here.