Ttc and need tips, the accidental way isn't happening.

[shandybass]

Hi. I have been looking around for advice here and realise there is a wealth of knowledge here, but I'm newish to the site and I don't understand all the terms especially around conception.

I've got two dcs and would like no 3. Both dcs took a while to conceive and I've had 2 mc in-between. But I'm a bit paranoid and I don't like to plan ttc too much, but as I'm 40 and would like no 3, I think I need some help to increase my chances!

So wise mumsnet. I've just started my period when is the best time for conception, tips etc. I'm also keen to have a boy so any old wives tales about that I'm willing to try although of course I'll be ecstatic with whatever I get so don't all jump down my throat about being choosy.

Check out fertilityfriend.com for advice in general and ingender.com for "gender swaying" although some of the women on there are frankly barking/desperate and will try ANYTHING!
Also, read
www.amazon.co.uk/Choose-Sex-Your-Baby-Natural/dp/074753313X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294339548&sr=1-1
I did, followed some of the advice (the diet was all but impossible)and was told last Friday that my DD is on her way! Ingender will recommend some supplements including agnus castus and you will need pee sticks for ovulation. Both of these are far cheaper on ebay. The cheap and cheerful ones from China work fine and the ones in Boots cost the earth. You also need a basal thermometer (ebay again)and either cycle charts or use fertility friend's online version which even tells you when you ovulate based on the data. If you're feeling brave, some say douching works. According to the book, you do the baby thing on ovulation for a boy, several days in advance for a girl because boy sperm are faster but less durable (big surprise!) and girlie sperm are slower but last longer!
Good luck. Do please message me/FB me to tell me what happens.

If you have the pennies for it buy a CBFM. takes out the guesswork, and gives you more warning of impending ovulation than the ovulation sticks. To be honest I'm not sure about all this timing for a certain gender. You have a 50 50 chance even if you don't do it. And if you restrict your ttc days to try for a boy/girl specifically, you may reduce your chance of conception. At age 40, that might not be the way forward for you! Sounds like you are more keen on having another child rather than just trying for a boy anyway.

Bump, please.

Thanks DrSeuss and Kat, I didn't think I'd had any replies! I remember looking on fertility friend a while back and getting bamboozled. I guess I didn't want to get too obsessed as I believe more in a 'watched kettle never boils' sort of mentality. That's how it seemed to work for me before, but again that might have been coincidence.
Guess I need a reality check.

fertility friend can get a bit complex but all you really need to do is register, set up an account and input your temperature every morning.

Read Taking Charge Of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler.

the cbfm option doesn't need to lead to obsession. I just try to make sure that there are at least two, preferably three opportunities in the fertile window.
I can't be bothered with the temping it is too much hassle for me but plenty of people do get on well with it.
The medical advice is normally don't worry about timing just do it three times a week all month long (except for period week i suppose). The docs think this is better than stressing yourself out. Although a few extra tries in the right week wouldn't hurt I presume.

Will be watching any advice you get shandy (like the name by the way) as I am TTC number 3 and having no success after 6 months. No make that 8 months. Am trying not to count.

We were very lucky with the first 2 and so not really up on how to improve my chances - am still a bit wary of fertility friend as would like to maintain the illusion of the whole SWI thing being a GOF (get me with the abbreviations - took me ages to find out what these things all mean).

At the moment we are just having lots of SWI and trying to make sure it fits in around mid cycle, which is tricky given my cycle length varies from around 3-6 weeks. I am also getting pretty good at spotting the pant snot thing as apparently that indicates an egg may have been laid. Had never heard of it before MN but having noticed it now can't believe I haven't before (it does have a proper name but can't spell it remember it). Given the cycle length issues I may need to visit the GP soon to get things checked out, but am not convinced I will get a very good response given that I have 2 children already.

Ours are both boys and to be honest would be very surprised if any future baby came out a girl.

Ok so which is the right week? I know it's mid month. Sorry to appear a bit dim. And what is cbfm?

You're right it doesn't need to become obsessive. I just know what I'm like and with my age and history I may have to face that it may not happen.

cbfm = clear blue fertility monitor. Guaranteed pee on a stick action for ten days per cycle. Good if you like to pee on sticks. Tells you when High and Peak days are. Nicknamed Evil Blue Shag Dictator.
The "right week" is the six days ending on your ovulation day. The CBFM helps you to identify those six days, on average you get 4 high and 2 peak days, if you have a regular cycle. If you don't have a reasonably regular cycle between (i think) 21-40 days apart, it would be a waste of your money.

Guess that rules me out of the cbfm then.

Temping has been recommended to me before (and am very in that I was rather ignorant on how to do this) but am yet to go down that route. I don't know much about it apart from I think you need to temp daily and look out for a spike to indicate ovulation. If all the SWI activity continues to be, ahem, unproductive over the next couple of months I will probably look more carefully at temping - more to get a feel for if I am even ovulating or not. I used to get pain when I ovulated but haven't had any for ages.

shandybass, every woman is different. The book I recommended is great. Your library may have it. I ovulate on day 11 and have a 27 day cycle for example. My friend has a 35 day cycle and ovulates on day 24.

You need to get to know your own body.

Thank you Kat. I'm pretty regular in the month so it sounds pretty straightforward. Sorry lasrus but on the plus side we've both conceived before so theoretically the stats should be higher for us.

I second the book recommendation.

Waw Showofhands I'd never have thought there was such a difference. Maybe I do need to read up and get a bit body aware. Sorry larus for getting you're name wrong but I've cracked the bold bit.

I third Taking Charge of Your Fertility recommendation. It is an absolute must.

No probs. I never knew these things were so different either until we started having problems TTC. Ignorance was bliss! Having MN is great though - TTC is not really the sort of thing I can talk about in RL and I think most of my friends (and probably dh too) would think I was mad if I started talking in acronyms and mentioning things like pant snot.

Hi there. I am in a similar boat to you - do read the book it helps understand your cycle etc, and gives lots of tips even if you're not temping (I can't as I don't sleep well enough). I do use a clear blue fertility monitor.

Come over to this thread we're all in the same boat!

Yes I'm not sure I want to go there with the research, but my leave it to chance method hasn't worked for 7 months either.

Just don't google it. Takes ages and is very scary. Am still hoping that it will just happen and really don't want to do all the research bit. Would be nice to try and keep a bit of spontaneity in the whole thing .

larus Pant snot is a bit of a passion killer really isn't it!!

Sorry kat x post. Pant snot is weird - HOW did I not notice it before? But yes, can be a passion killer - have not mentioned it to dh as don't want to put him off at the crucial point! Had a definitive positive for pant snot this morning but the git has gone out tonight - otherwise would have been too busy to chat to you lovely ladies! Sigh. Am hoping tomorrow night won't be too late. Just couldn't bring myself to tell him why I was keen on him staying in.

He needs just enough education to understand when the window of opportunity is but not a twice daily update on pee sticks/discharge etc. I would suggest at some point when it is NOT the fertile time having a chat and telling him a bit of biology, ie the best time is 11-15 days after the start of my period, please bear that in mind, and then say no more, but ramp up the seduction efforts and actively plan stuff together like going out or doing stuff you like so his diary is all full up and he doesn't get the chance to go out much!

Hi!
I've just joined and have sat and read this entire thread - had a good laugh (no offence intended!) at some of the posts - it's really nice to know that others share in the frustration!!

Essence, I hope you are ok - what a terrible time you have had - and yes, it certainly does put everything in perspective. I hope your hubby is ok too xx

I am recently married and we are trying for our first child, but I am 35 already, and neither of us have ever tried before, so it's all fingers crossed. Have just come on today, so not lucky this month, but have been on the pill for the last 15 years, and only stopped it end of September, so not too worried yet.

I shall check in tomorrow!