Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule I think there has been a bit of a Nigel based misunderstanding. His book is £17 at WH Smith's, the £9 book is an entirely different Christmas Chronicles, a children's book completely unaffiliated with Nige.

@VivaJen got halfway through and saw your request for chutney recipes - Delia's Old Dowerhouse chutney is amazing.

@RubyFakeLips likewise saw your request. I swear by Dan Lepards quick mincemeat recipe that used to be hosted on Mumsnet. It's amazing and foolproof (and can be made v boozy). I always add the extra spices suggested. Always get great feedback:

2 small dessert apples, peeled, cored and finely diced
1 medium Bramley apple, peeled, cored, grated
300g brown sugar
200g raisins
100g soft prunes, stoned and chopped
100g dried sour cherries
275g currants
250ml stout or ale
50g unsalted butter
3 tbsp brandy or rum
1 tsp mixed spice
grated zest and juice of 1 small lemon

1. Have the dessert apples and all of the dried fruit in a bowl, prepared and ready.
2. In a large saucepan whisk the stout with the grated Bramley apple, brown sugar, lemon zest

and juice.

1. Bring to the boil, stirring often, and simmer for

about five minutes until the apple falls apart.

1. Add the apple and dried fruit mixture, mixed

spice* and butter, and simmer until thick.

1. Remove from the heat, leave until warm then stir in the brandy.
2. Leave to cool before using.

You can intensify the spices by adding 1/4 teaspoon each of ground mace, cinnamon and clove.

[quote HomeSliceKnowsBest]@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule I think there has been a bit of a Nigel based misunderstanding. His book is £17 at WH Smith's, the £9 book is an entirely different Christmas Chronicles, a children's book completely unaffiliated with Nige.[/quote]
Ah ok! Thanks for letting me know...Sorry about that then @lucysmam! Might be worth keeping an eye on eBay anyway.

I've just been reading the thread & had caught that, thank you both. I'll keep checking ebay for now & look for the podcasts too (I'm not even sure what they are so will investigate tomorrow!)

@FireworkParrot that sounds delicious. I wouldn’t have thought of putting the marzipan in too.

@Sunshine1066 can you tell me roughly how much mincemeat the recipe makes please?

Still debating whether to order a copy of Christmas Chronicles and whether o can justify the price of it. I’m a complete Nigel novice, can anyone convince me what’s so good about it?

[quote SevenSwansASwimming]@FireworkParrot that sounds delicious. I wouldn’t have thought of putting the marzipan in too.

@Sunshine1066 can you tell me roughly how much mincemeat the recipe makes please?[/quote]
I'm guessing as I make it one year for the next, and often meddle with the quantities but I think approx 3-4 jam jars. Certainly I only ever seem to make one batch each year for mince pies (sometimes do a second for presents), albeit we only have a small extended family for Christmas gatherings.

@lucysmam 2 people on the (Nigel’s) Christmas Chronicles thread have confirmed that they have bought the correct version for £9 at WHS. One of them bought it yesterday. So it might still be worth a look in your local shop in case there’s a reduced copy lurking somewhere...

I usually just lurk on the Christmas boards, but after last year’s spectacular timescale debacle, which included decorating my Christmas tree on New Year’s Day I’m after peer pressure incentive to improve this year.
I have poncing intentions, though! Dinner is not my problem, but festive baking, craft and decorating should all be possible.

Apparently it’s listed at £20 on the website but there are a small number of reduced copies in stores.

@MrsElf I’m afraid you’re going to have to explain decorating your Christmas tree on New Years Day

Well done Viva- you make me feel tired! I've been at a (much postponed) wedding this weekend so have got no real poncing done at all but my new stamps have arrived so I am excited to play with them properly next week.

I must also stick the fruit in to soak. I'm quite busy next weekend as well and have tickets to the knitted and sewing fair at Ali pally so I seem doomed to pick up more new projects to start than to finish old ones!

The tree arrived about the 5th. It had lights the next day. Then… I was working…
To be fair, it looked delightful all through February for ages, had hardly dropped any needles until I dragged it towards the door!

So with the crochet snowflakes the American lady in the video uses fingering weight which I assume is sock yarn?
I made a snowflake with some DK last night and a 3mm hook. Looked a bit chunky but that was probably my tension and the fact it was unblocked.
What has everyone else used? I'd like to try some James C Brett sparkle yarn

@DanceWithYourBalloon

So with the crochet snowflakes the American lady in the video uses fingering weight which I assume is sock yarn? I made a snowflake with some DK last night and a 3mm hook. Looked a bit chunky but that was probably my tension and the fact it was unblocked. What has everyone else used? I'd like to try some James C Brett sparkle yarn

I’ve only made the snowflakes from the Bella Coco video and used DK yarn and a 4mm hook. I’m using King Cole glitz yarn.

Excited!!! my Nigel Slater's Christmas Chronicles has been dispatched

@SevenSwansASwimming

Ooo can you post a pic? I'd love to see what you've made.
I picked up some sparkly grey DK in a shop today but will be doing a Lovecrafts order later so might take a look at the King Cole yarn while I'm at it. Can never have to much!

In other news marmalade gin supplies have been purchased today. I will begin brewing once the small people are in bed.

Those of you crocheting snowflakes, do you think they would be fair game for a knitter who has never crocheted anything?
Not that I need any more projects, but they sound lovely!

@BeastOfBODMAS

Those of you crocheting snowflakes, do you think they would be fair game for a knitter who has never crocheted anything? Not that I need any more projects, but they sound lovely!

I'm a novice crocheter and I found it ok. I had to watch the video and stop it for each step, but soon picked up speed.

This is the one I found on last years thread:

blog.expressionfiberarts.com/2016/01/02/how-to-crochet-a-snowflake/

@TheWoollybacksWife thank you for that lovely offer! I got a chance to nip to the shops today and got a few more bits and pieces. The only “essential” I’m struggling to find is white puffy paint for my gingerbread ornaments so I’ll have to experiment with tippex or maybe textured paint and see what works.

I think I've got a very old Pebeo 3D pen knocking about somewhere but it's neon pink. So not really suitable unless your gingerbread people were going punk.

Tippex topped with fine white glitter might work. Or glitter glue - that tends to come out 3D.

@thelegohooverer Poundland quite often have dinky bottles of puffy paint type stuff, in the craft aisle. I'll snap a pic of mine later to show you what they're like; I'm just supervising dd1 cooking tea. If I have a white one, you're welcome to it, but I don't think I do.

I bought a Christmas mag earlier, when I went for milk. Looking forward to a flick through it later on but will save actually reading it for the weekend when I have more time.

@BeastOfBODMAS I learnt to crochet by doing one single granny square, at my friend's insistence, then the snowflakes on the Attic24 blog. They improved with each one ❄

Managed to get two Christmas cakes made yesterday (one for us, and one to be cut in half for two smaller ones for relatives), but had to share the oven for Sunday lunch and didn't get started until 2pm! Meant I took the second cake out at 1am this morning! 😂

I may have had a sip of the Amaretto when I gave them a first feed. I hope that's suitably poncy.

@thelegohooverer these are what I have from Poundland, sadly no white though (but I do have two black ones 🤷‍♀️)