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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Pregnant nanny

76 replies

Ihatenicknames · 14/05/2013 12:53

Our nanny has just told me that she is pregnant. She wants to come back to work after maternity leave of around 6 months. This is not my preference as I think it will cause too much disruption for my girls. They are still very young and just as they have got used to a new person they will have to cope with another change. I know that there is nothing I can do legally to prevent her returning to work but I was thinking of talking to her and trying to show her that her choices are not in the girls' best interests. Has anyone else dealt with this issue before? Any advice? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NutellaNutter · 14/05/2013 13:15

Does she want to come back with her baby? You absolutely do not have to allow this. She is only entitled to the same conditions as before.

OutragedFromLeeds · 14/05/2013 13:16

You want to emotionally blackmail someone into not returning to work after ML?

My advice would be; take a look at yourself and stop being so unpleasant.

HTH

StannisTheMannis · 14/05/2013 13:19

Kids adapt surprisingly well to change usually.

Original poster

Ihatenicknames · 14/05/2013 13:22

Outraged - it's not emotional blackmail. It's a conversation between two adults about the best interests of two small children. Calm down.

OP posts:

racmun · 14/05/2013 13:26

That's part of employing a nanny she is an employee and has the same rights as every other employee.
Presumably you had maternity leave and then went back to work??

I would be careful as you could be considered as potentially constructively dismissing her.

Ebb · 14/05/2013 13:27

I do understand your concerns but you have no guarantee a new nanny would stay anyway. Children do adapt a lot better to change than you think.

Your nanny, presumably, has bills of her own to pay and highly likely won't appreciate any pressure from you, however nicely put, to leave.

OutragedFromLeeds · 14/05/2013 13:27

'I know that there is nothing I can do legally to prevent her returning to work but I was thinking of talking to her and trying to show her that her choices are not in the girls' best interests'

It is totally emotional blackmail. It is not a conversation between two adults, but between an employer and an employee. An employer who wants rid of her employee, but cannot get rid legally so is using the nanny's affection for two small children to get rid instead. Gross.

Original poster

Ihatenicknames · 14/05/2013 13:37

Well I can only apologise for putting the interests of my two children before those of their nanny.

Thanks for all the responses. Outraged and otherwise.

OP posts:

beachyhead · 14/05/2013 13:38

You don't really have a choice in this matter. Legally, she can return to her job.

Whether or not she will or not, she will probably decide later in her maternity leave.

It may be that she can't find suitable childcare for her own baby, so decides not to come back.

You have no option but to wait and see..

Episode · 14/05/2013 13:39

Can't believe I actually just read this! I guess the world revolves around you and your children....

Have you thought for a second what she'll do as anternative? Finding a job when pregnant or with a new born is really that easy is it? Or do you propose she'll put her kid in childcare to nanny yours!

Disgusting but moreso precious and pathetic! Why would two children be harmed by another? There's so many lessons to be had from being around younger children, did your eldest have a breakdown when your youngest was introduced?

You must be a nightmare to work for anyway, she's probably better off without your controlling precious attitude.

Get over yourself

OutragedFromLeeds · 14/05/2013 13:44

Episode I don't think she's even bothered about the nanny's baby, just that having a temporary nanny for 6 months while the other nanny is on ML will be too traumatising for her children!!

Seb101 · 14/05/2013 13:44

Agree with outraged, whatever your private feeling are, it would be horrible for you to put any pressure on her to not return to work. I don't agree that it's 'a conversation between two adults' how would you feel if your employer had had such a conversation with you! Pregnancy is a difficult and emotional time, she doesn't need you adding to her stress by trying to push her out of her job! Can't believe any women, especially someone who's recently experienced childbirth and maternity leave, would even consider this an option! Your worries for your children are understandable, but come on..., a nanny could leave at any time, your kids will adjust and be fine. You should do the right thing; keep it to yourself and see what happens.

LarkinSky · 14/05/2013 13:45

A new nanny might leave within six months anyway. The children will adapt and better a loyal long- term nanny who enjoys mutual supportive relationship with the family. Or do you have other reservations about how good your nanny is? What childcare arrangements would she have for the baby?

How old are your children? I understand your worries but try to verbal use them specifically and confront them before dismissing that her return after maternity leave could work in everyone's favour

I think you would be showing a positive and memorable example to your children by supporting your Nannys wish to continue her career after maternity leave. The ethical course of action is to not engineer her dismissal of course, as you know!

Episode · 14/05/2013 13:49

outraged it's shocking!

MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 13:53

"Can't believe any women, especially someone who's recently experienced childbirth and maternity leave, would even consider this an option!"

^^
This.

OP I presume at some point you have benefited from maternity leave?!

Your attitude isn't great, to be honest.

ghislaine · 14/05/2013 13:53

I would advise you not to have this conversation with her unless you are willing to take the risk of defending a claim for pregnancy/maternity discrimination and constructive dismissal.

WRT your children's interests vs those of the nanny, legally they have none in this case. She does. And it's not a conversation between two adults of equal standing, it an employer/employee discussion where you are in an inherent position of power.

Karoleann · 14/05/2013 14:53

I also think your attitude is appalling, maternity leave is difficult for most employers, if all had your approach none of us would be in work. Luckily we have strict anti-discrimination laws and your nanny would have a certainly have a case against you if you were to bring up the issue.

Your children will be fine, they adapt easily to change.

LazyMonkeyButler · 14/05/2013 15:00

Children do tend to cope with change much better than we expect them to. What will you do when one of your DC is at primary school and their class teacher takes ML? That happened to DS2 in Reception - he had Mrs X for one term & then Miss Supply for two terms. Parents were concerned it would be disruptive for their DC but, in all honesty, it really wasn't. Unless your DC have SN which makes change harder than the average for them, I wouldn't worry.

Are you sure it's not more to do with the implications of having to pay one nanny maternity pay whilst recruiting and paying a temporary replacement?

MumOfTheMoos · 14/05/2013 15:07

I completely agree with Ghislane - your 'cosy chat' is the very worst emanation of the imbalance in power of the employee/employer relationship.

That you choose to dress it up as something else reflects very poorly on you and would definitely be grounds for constructive dismissal.

Xenia · 14/05/2013 15:21

We had two nannies go on maternity leave. Anyone suggesting it is not a huge hassle is utterly wrong. Also it is nothing like going on maternity leacve from your job on the tills at Tesco. It has a major impact on children - it really ought to be exempted from maternity leave provisions which is why we need the Tories to deregulate employment law for small employers (or UKIP if they could get in).

As someone said above you do not have to allow her to bring her baby to work so if she is hoping for that getting that straight now could be a means of resolving this although of course not being sexist it may well be her husband will look after the baby or she could pay a nursery so we have no way of telling that.

In our case the first nanny took a month off which obviously worked out a lot better, we visited her in hospital when the baby came and she came back with the first baby and later with the second. We hired a live in nanny in her place for the first leave. I cannot remember what happened with the second. perhaps it was holiday time and we managed without.

Later when we had twins their nanny decided to leave when she was pregnant but again we were paying a second lot of SMP and it was hugely hugely. time consuming to work it out and pay it even though you get paid it back by the state. Also we had two nanny tax inspections of the SMP - not a single penny had been paid incorrectly but still there was HMRC causing hours and hours of time for parents both working full time with babies and a nanny away. Absolute nightmare. This is one reason why even though I am pretty successful and you would expect I would employ people I will not do so. I hire people as needed from abroad, do things by email and avoid employees always.

Booh · 14/05/2013 15:24

As the nanny wants to come back to work with the baby then this is a change in employment terms, and legally you don't have to accept this change of terms.

So she could come back to work without the baby.

All these other posters hysteria over 'woman's rights etc' I mean really.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 14/05/2013 15:24

I find it amazing that someone who pays someone to look after their children thinks nannies should be "exempt from maternity leaves regulations"
Shocking.

wickedwitchofwaterloo · 14/05/2013 15:25

*maternity leave provisions even. D'oh.

MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 15:29

Agreed Wicked.

Xenia your attitude is foul. You do realise these are people right? Not robots put on earth just to make YOUR life easier?

annh · 14/05/2013 15:48

Ihatenicknames I hope when your children go to school that none of their teachers dare to go on maternity leave - or will you be demanding that the school refuse to allow them to come back in case they interrupt your precious childrens' education?

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