What's it really like?

[LauraBrown1]

I'm due my first in August. I know I have a lot of time to go yet but recently I've had friends/ work friends asking me am I excited, am I scared of giving birth and such.
Yes I'm excited but to be honest I haven't really given much thought about the birth part just yet. I've heard horror stories and stories of people saying it's not that bad. So (I know everyone is different) but what is birth really like? 🤔
I've broken my nose and had an infected wisdom tooth before (to what my friend said she would rather deal with labour than having a infected tooth again) but I think I'm such a wuss with pain. I just don't know!

The pain is subjective and as you have said everyone is different in that regard. So I guess you are expecting it to be painful. Which it is.
However I Have had 5 babies and no one ever mentions how wet it all is! That really stands out to me, just wet, very very wet! Fluids just literally pouring out! Enjoy!

I think your comment that it’s didfere for everyone is absolutely true. I was incredibly lucky, two very straightforward water births (both at mlu within a hospital). They were painful but not unbearable and the worst pain was only right at the end. Others have horrible experiences where things go wrong or they experience a lot of pain. I think it’s best to stay positive and assume all will be fine as that will help you relax but don’t overplan because if a meticulously thought out birth plan doesn’t come off you’ll feel bad and it really isn’t important!

So I guess im hoping my birth is pretty straightforward then haha
The only thing I've heard about first time mums is that they are in labour for a longer time the first time round as their body has never experienced it before

For me, the pain of childbirth was tolerable as I knew it ultimately had an end.
I've had sinus infections/migraines that I've found worse, purely because I was unsure what it was & how long I'd have to put up with it.
With childbirth, I knew what was coming, roughly how long it'd last, that I'd have a good quality of care and pain relief if I needed it. Also having it result in something positive gives you focus.

So yes, everyone is different, but for me forwarned was forarmed, and ignorance wasn't bliss.
Also it helped that I was off my tits on gas and air for most of it

I had a bit of a tough time giving birth as I didn’t have time for pain relief and had episiotomy and forceps as Ds was in distress. The pain of that part was horrific, BUT, that was maybe 5 mins? And I went into shock so even though it was awful, I was very detached from it at the same time. I remember thinking up till then that although it hurt like buggery, that it was manageable.

So whilst Ds is an only child and I didn’t have a birth anyone would really wish for, I still say it was do-able up till that point.

And yes!!! As Pp said, It’s very wet!!!

@statetrooperstacey oh god haha no one has mentioned that to me either 😂

@IsItCoffeeTimeYet yeah I guess it's something you know is going to end in a positive result- your child 😊

I always remember with my first when he was crowning it was like somebody was holding a lighter to my bits, it burned for a couple of minutes. My next two births were straight forward but the contractions were more intense.

Personally, for me at transitioning I lost the plot & it was unbearable & I wanted to die. I was thinking of ways to put myself out of the misery. But the pushing stage wasn’t half as painful! So the wanting to die was over quickly! I don’t say this to scare you but I’m being brutally honest, I’ve never been in such pain in my life.

But... he was back to back & 9lb so! Plus I’m obese & not necessarily fit/healthy & was in labour for days. With no pain relief at all so it was pretty brutal. Take the drugs (epidrural with my first was much less traumatising for me)

I had no pain relief (I was offered Gas and Air but didn’t have it) - waters broke at 3am, baby arrived at 8:30am.
I thought I was dying. I felt like I was in hell. I screamed like a banshee. I didn’t know what to do with myself- I just want to sit with my bum out but it was much better in the bath!
Afterwards I thought I was going to write myself a letter to make sure I’d never put myself through it again.
But it is totally worth it!
Sorry if I’ve put the fear of God in to you OP. Remember every birth is different!

Get fit and eat well, you will need stamina. I didn't realise how hard labour was physically. I had tried to prepare for the pain but haven't given my fitness a thought. Expect bruising afterwards.

Just wanted to add the contractions are hell but the pushing is fine really! And you know your almost done!

@LauraBrown1 - the first labour is not always the longest, my first was the quickest and the second was the longest. The 3rd was in between the 2 time wise!!
I thought my second would be quick but she wasn't x

I've heard a lot of people mention that transition stage before @Slat3 what's it like? Is it the stage just before pushing?

I'm loving these stories! It's great to see how everyone was different as well.

I saw someone on here describe the pain as ‘all-consuming’. I think that’s fair. I didn’t give a rats arse about anything but coping with it. I ‘coped’ but it took everything in me to do so.

I've definitely had periods that were just as painful as childbirth was. But I did have v painful periods sometimes. I managed on 2 paracetamol. Also the pushing stage didn't hurt at all for me, I must have been lucky.

Yeah well for me it was around 7cm to 10cm and was v quick. I couldn’t move (was stood up holding the bed) & was paralysed with pain.
But then once I was pushing it was stingy but not as bad! Weird as I assumed the pushing stage would be worse. I think it was pure relief

Also, my friend told me the pain instantly stops once you give birth so I was expecting that Unfortunately, I tore so the pain didn’t stop until they gave local to stitch me up so I was shivering in pain for 30 mins or so while skin to skin/feeding.

Now I have two I’m not up for doing it again but I honestly felt like superwoman afterwards!

@E20mom someone else who's suffered with painful periods!
I remember once when I was younger I had these period cramps that were so bad I couldn't keep still while doing my homework on the computer that I was crying in pain and my mum just thought I was doing it to get out of it. The pains were that bad (tmi) I ended up having the diarrhoea.
If it's anything like that I guess it's tolerable but not a nice experience

It's different each time for each person. It's the annoying thing about birth there is no specific time line or order of things.

I had ds#1 in a birthing pool in a MLU and absolutely relished the experience. It was honestly the most fantastic and yet painful thing I had ever done. I felt a million dollars afterwards and that was with a doozy of a 3rd degree tear.

Ds#2 I actually gave birth to, this afternoon at home. Completely different experience, contractions were more intense and the gas and air ran out just as I was pushing (super quickly changed over by the midwives). I was worried about tearing again but the midwives coached me through it, they were bloody amazing to tell the truth. It was a much more relaxed and quiet experience but I feel I scared myself as I knew what was coming so didn't get the same rush of adrenaline

I had a pretty rough Labour, days of it and dd was back to back, but I will say at no point did I ever think "I can't do this"
All I was thinking about was getting the baby there safely. I don't believe the stuff about you forget how painful it was, I still remember and it's been over a year 😂 but just remember every birth is different, you can do it & it'll be worth it!

@TheBabyAteMyBrain omg congrats today! Brace mom!

@LauraBrown1 ah then you'll find childbirth a breeze then! Luckily no diarrhoea was involved.

Everyone is different.
There are no rules!!
My first was quick. Born 2 1/2 hours after I got to hospital. Transition was weird. I lost control. Not because of pain but it was such a weird sensation. Crowning burnt. But not for long.
The biggest surprise? When people talked about hours and hours of labour? I imagined hours and hours of terrible pain. I was quite comfortable (strong sensations but not pain) with a bit of tens and some breathing exercises for all but about the last three hours. (Everyone is different.)
And it’s not about pain threshold. It’s different if you’re induced (I wasn’t) or back to back (DC1 was). Be aware of options. You can’t plan exactly but you can be ready to make informed choices. Even if that’s shouting that you want all the drugs!

Although it's been a while since I gave birth, I'll say the same as I say to ant expectant mum.

When they say "push through to your bottom" it didn't make sense to me.

Whereas if they said "we need you to do the biggest shit you can" would've made sense.
It's what it felt like to me anyway!

Good luck.

Any expectant mum.

I do not know any expectant ants.

I think mindset is such a huge, huge part of it. I'd massively recommend looking into hypnobirthing/ the science behind labour. There's a book called 'the positive birth book' by Milli Hill and one part of it talks about in an average first time labour, you're in 'pain' (subjective) for about 23% of the time- because contractions/surges come and go etc. It helped me reframe everything and labour/birth was so different than I'd imagined (previously the thing I'd feared most in life!)