What's it really like?

[LauraBrown1]

I'm due my first in August. I know I have a lot of time to go yet but recently I've had friends/ work friends asking me am I excited, am I scared of giving birth and such.
Yes I'm excited but to be honest I haven't really given much thought about the birth part just yet. I've heard horror stories and stories of people saying it's not that bad. So (I know everyone is different) but what is birth really like? 🤔
I've broken my nose and had an infected wisdom tooth before (to what my friend said she would rather deal with labour than having a infected tooth again) but I think I'm such a wuss with pain. I just don't know!

TBH I enjoyed it! No pain relief - but personally didn't need it.
Yes it was 'painful' but the pain of contractions for me was like... a wave of intense pressure? It wasn't a pain like stubbing a toe or being punched (for example)

Transition was incredibly intense, and because I was using hypnobirthing techniques, at the point I began to feel slightly out of control and began to panic that the feelings were just all 'too much' - still not 'painful' in the usual sense of the word - I was actually fully dilated and ready to push which took the midwives by surprise as they hadn't examined me since I arrived an hour earlier (first time mum.... seemed in control.. been in labour at home for 9 hours... they figured I was a few cm )

Pushing also fine - just listened to the midwife and breathed and panted as instructed - got away with a labial graze (but baby had a big round head).

It was, without doubt, the most joyful, transcendental, powerful experience of my life - and I felt like a fucking badass rockstar for days and days after.

I say all of this, fully aware that my labour and delivery were remarkably straightforward, and I was lucky beyond lucky. I also stayed very fit during pregnancy (all gone to pot now mind!) and worked out every day - I thought of labour like running a marathon and 'trained' for it accordingly. I was also lucky that hypnobirthing worked for me, and that I was only in hospital for a couple of hours of labour and the one hour it took to push him out - all of which contributed to a positive experience, I'm sure.

It's hard work, it's exhausting, it hurts a bit lot, and it's worth it

I've had 3, all completely different. Nothing like the books said! One birth was amazing. I was lucky where baby was in right position with a not too massive head. I got "in the zone" by really really focusing on my breathing and using that gas & air like my life depended on it. Completely blocked everything out and it was fantastic. The other 2 not so great but try not to panic. Imagine running a marathon and push on through the pain.

@LindaLa hahaha 😂😂 'imaging taking a big shit' yeah that makes more sense now

@TheSheepofWallSt I think I'm definitely going to look into hypobirthing as I've heard a lot about it and in the moment I struggle and sense going out of control I think it would help a lot

A lot of pp had OK first labours so this doesn't apply to lots of people, but as someone who had a difficult first labour the thing that most caught me by surprise is how very very long it can go on for. The pain itself wasn't so bad - it was the sleep deprivation that got to me.

The other thing that surprised me is that after you've been through labour, you don't get a chance to recover - it's straight into looking after a new born.

@Teddyreddy yeah I've heard a few things on the internet where mums say 'everyone always asks after the baby and not yourself' and on the visit you get when you take the baby home (sorry I can't remember the name of it) the nurse asks and checks baby and not the mum. I guess that could also be a part of how most mums feeling depressed afterwards..

Actually now I think about it again, the worst thing for me was the stitches. Because I had water birth they had to wait for an hour or so for the skin to dry out and so had got comfortable and settled and they suddenly came at me with needles again. I hated it both times and was so emotional the second that they thought I was refusing to consent to it and spent ages trying to explain why it was needed (I knew it was, I was just exhausted and wanted to be left alone!)

@Whynotnowbaby trying to worm your way out of it? 😂
I'm like that when it comes to needles, making up any excuse and trying to get as much time in as I can before I get stabbed then learn the pain was nothing bad after all 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've never had stitches but I heard when it's after birth they give a needle to numb the area? That makes it seem a lot less scary

@LindaLa haha exactly... I was just going to say it felt like pushing a bowling ball out of your backside

@Teddyreddy

that's absolutely the thing isn't it - you have this mindblowingly intense physical experience - are likely at least carrying a minor, albeit painful injury, youre exhausted - and then it's like 'hey guess what! You get to look after a newborn baby now!'

It's your actual first experience of what true parental selflessness is, I think, that first day/night when all you want to do is sleep - but you cant, and actually when you interrogate it, dont want to, because then you'll have to STOP LOOKING AT THE BABY.

I saw someone on here describe the pain as ‘all-consuming’. I think that’s fair. I didn’t give a rats arse about anything but coping with it. I ‘coped’ but it took everything in me to do so.

This
It was all I could do to focus on my breathing and breath through the pain. I would say it wasn't until the last couple of hours that I found my contractions extremely painful/unbearable. I do remember thinking I'm never doing this again
I to didn't find the pushing stage too painful but it was very tiring. I did have a episotomy though and I think this meant I didn't feel the burning ring of fire that I have heard others mention.

Awful and exhillarating all at once. I had ventouse and episiostomy with dd1 and spent a lot of time on my back. Dd2 was quick and no tears or anything but with both once the baby was out I had the same freling of "oh, all fine now!" With dd2 the feeling of the cold umbillical cord was horrible and even at the time I knew that was rediculoys after the pain I had just been in!

It hurts. But I honestly would go through labour than have a very bad migraine.

For me I just had backache - didn't know I was in labour - got to hospital and from walking into maternity my dd was out in 12 minutes. No pain relief.
I just remember a burning pain at the end.

Everyone's different - most people only told me their horror stories ... I didn't have anyone tell me that there's was actually fine / bearable but mine actually was.
I took the outlook that she was going to come out some way so I best suck it up and get on with it

Oooh, the ring of fire! Never had it with dd1, with dd2 I still maintain those 2 minutes or so were the worst part!

Think of the most severe period pains you've experienced (cramps) coupled with a desperate urge to push out a massive poo (constipation). When head passes through cervix, it feels like boiling water being poured inside you as cervix opens.

If you tear it sounds like old carpet being ripped up. I found the noise of this more disturbing than the pain.

And you'll most likely do a poo. Midwives are used to it. You'll probably not notice you're doing it though as the pain takes you away from yourself into a primal animal state where you make noises you never knew were inside you.

Ah don't worry about it until a lot closer to the time.
Don't put too much emphasis on planning the birth you want, have something in mind but just go with the situation.

I found it to be painful, yes, long, uncomfortable etc etc.. but doable every step of the way. Gas & air helped a lot.

People say it's the most painful thing you'll experience.. for me this was true! But when else have I had to cope under lots of pain! Thankfully just a broken wrist or a fall off a bike.
Emotional pain is worse.

You'll be fine! ❤️

Sorry, also--

Keep fit and healthy throughout pregnancy.

Preg yoga really helped me with the breathing stuff. And to remain calm.

I found it horrendous but have never felt happiness like it afterwards when I got to spend the night at the hospital, just me and the baby. That bit was lovely.

I found it fine. It isn't fun obviously but migraines are a lot higher up the pain scale and I have had 2 other cases of abdominal pains worse too.
I had an emcs with Dd1 and dd2 was a vaginal delivery and if I ever go again I'd definitely do everything possible for another vbac. I had remifentanil rather than diamorhine or epidural but had a reaction to it and had to stop so just went with nothing but the remnants of it as I don't like the dizziness from gas and air but I was induced at 1.30am and had her at 6.15am so quick enough. I actually found the after pains worse than labour pains (thank goodness for liquid paracetamol!)

@SleepOhHowIMissYou ok so I've just did the biggest cringe ever from you describing a tear! 😬😬 nooo I think that sound also seems a lot more awful than the actual thought of your vagina ripping up!
@SuziQ10 definitely going to start yoga! My boyfriend is really into it and he said he wants to do baby yoga once little one arrives and I said I want to join too. So we're going to get a start on that once we have more time off work together

It’s different for everyone and it’s different with each baby. Yes it’s painful, but even the most wussies of us manage. You can’t really escape it though to be honest.
Don’t put ‘no drug ‘ pressure on yourself.
Keep an open mind and make sure you have excellent support with you. If your dp faints easily, take someone’s else too.
You will be fine. My 4th baby’s delivery was horrendous, yet all my others were a breeze in comparison. There is no pain like it.,it’s unimaginable in terms of relating to it, but really, in all honesty, you can do it.
My last baby was just 30 mins. My first was4 hours. Longer the labor, doesn’t mean the more horrendous.
Your baby is on its way and your labor will be personal to you. Don’t be put off by horror stories. If it’s tricky, you’ll be in the midst of it and help wil be there.
The worst bit is transition, almost ready to push. Once you’re pushing, you become focused and it helps pushing through contractions.
The relief once baby is out is instant. Plus NHS toast and tea afterwards tastes amazing after labor (the only time it does )

My advice is to just go with it, don't try to pre plan too much or have any expectations.

I was given lots of horror stories about induction, long labours etc

In reality as a FTM. I was induced with the pessary which is a little pill on a string, painless to have put in.

Had to be induced as I had gestational diabetes and baby was measuring big so they wanted her out a couple of weeks early.

I waited around the hospital for 24 hrs, watching tv and reading.

Checked the next day and was dilated enough that they could break my waters.

Started contracting immediately and took to pacing around and leaning on the bed. 4.5 hrs later, 2 pushes and baby was born. Had a little gas n air towards the end which I was a huge fan of!

2nd degree tear which was stitched but I had more gas n air for that and didn't feel it.

They shoved a painkiller pessary in which meant I didn't feel more than a little soreness for the first night. After that it was a bit sore but bearable and freezing a pad with some witch hazel provided lovely relief when the stitches were healing.

All in all it was a way better experience than I had been led to believe.

Oh and walk! I spent the last few weeks before the birth just plodding around everywhere. It was the most recommended activity from midwife, consultants and friends. It's meant to strengthen hips and thighs to help with pushing as well as letting gravity get the baby where it should be.

Depends how it goes. My baby was the wrong way round and my cervix refused to dilate, so it was agonisingly painful because my body was trying to give birth backwards through a 2cm wide hole. It was not tolerable or anything like the worst pain I’ve experienced in the past. I literally thought I was dying. Even diamorphine barely took the edge off. After 24 hours they gave me an epidural which was blissful and painless.

It's different for everyone! That doesn't help you much, but for me contractions were no worse than bad period cramps until the last 30 mins and the actual birth was straight forward so no stitches etc. Not everyone has it so easy but if you are reasonably fit, keep yourself mobile during labour (a ball to rock on is particularly good) and use calming techniques (think about anything but pain) drug free labour is ok.