What's it really like?

[LauraBrown1]

I'm due my first in August. I know I have a lot of time to go yet but recently I've had friends/ work friends asking me am I excited, am I scared of giving birth and such.
Yes I'm excited but to be honest I haven't really given much thought about the birth part just yet. I've heard horror stories and stories of people saying it's not that bad. So (I know everyone is different) but what is birth really like? 🤔
I've broken my nose and had an infected wisdom tooth before (to what my friend said she would rather deal with labour than having a infected tooth again) but I think I'm such a wuss with pain. I just don't know!

for me contractions were no worse than bad period cramps

This just proves that it is different for everyone. I was in so much pain that I couldn’t move, I was delirious with agony and even diamorphine didn’t make it bearable.

I've had worse pain!

My labour wasn't bad at all and didn't take that long, I suppose I was fortunate. I had no drugs and didn't tear but it was decided I should have a small episiotomy which was stitched and that healed soon enough.

I'm not saying I would have wanted to do it all over again the next day but it was a positive experience.

Having a miscarriage at about three months was ten times worse, it was so dreadfully painful!

Nothing prepared me for how dreadful I felt after giving birth though but that's another story and hopefully you will be alright. I could have done with more, gentle support.

It's the worst pain, but you can't really process it now in a conscious headspace because birth tends to make you really dig deep and you go a little bit 'elsewhere' to cope. There's such a wonderful prize awaiting you afterwards too, that it drives you forward. I second the advise for prep like an athlete- swim and eat well and stay strong, it really will help on the day and in recovery.
I had rheee natural births, all four hours or less, up and about the next day, ranging from 8lb 3 to 9lb 10. No birth injuries/tears. I attribute that to fit and busy pregnancies, and a pile of luck.
Wishing you all the best

I am a massive wimp, and pretty anxious about any sort of pain, but it was OK. It was nuts though - just so INTENSE! I had a long, back to back labour, and the best way to describe it is like a bulldozer going across my back. Ended up in an emergency section which was also OK. Recovery was a bit rough, but completely normal after a few weeks.

Hypnobirthing helped me massively - feeling calm and in control definitely made a difference to the whole experience.

My first birth was 3 hours from first contraction to fully dilated, intense and full on. I said to dh that there is no way I could manage labouring for hours and hours (I was expecting labour to be long as first baby) got to the hospital full dilated. Took another 2 hours to get baby out as baby had his hands in front of face therefore wider, tore badly but it was ok. Being sown up was bloody awful but local anaesthetic didn't work, wish I'd made more fuss and got them to do a spinal to do it.

2nd was 2 hours start to finish, again very intense and I thought we might have the baby in the car (speed limits might have been broken ) no tearing, out in 3 pushes with no problems probably because I'd had to wait to push and baby had really descended As soon as I arrived in the birth centre it was vvv easy because I relaxed as I wasn't worried I'd deliver in the car.

Obviously it hurts but because you know contractions hurt it's not the same as tooth pain/appendix because nothing is wrong so therefore it's not worrying and it becomes manageable. That being said take whatever drugs you want there is no prizes for being drug free/vaginal rather than csection.

To be honest, yes it does hurt. Of course it does. But there's ways to help that and however bad it is a lot of people are happy to do it again!
I've had two labours, first was back to back, went to 10cm and pushing with gas and air but ended up emcs.
Second I insisted on an epidural but my baby decided to suddenly speed up and I pushed for 3 hours and got a fourth degree tear 🤦🏻‍♀️
However got number 3 on the way, having a planned Caesarian.
Point is, births are so unpredictable but there's a lot of help and ways to handle it.
Good luck though, every experience is different and I'm sure for every horror story there's ten more lovely stories!

I was induced and it was dreadful. The contractions were so strong and almost constant due to the drip. They were all in my back due to back to back baby. She was 11lbs
I was 42 weeks and massive and exhausted. If I do it again I will try to keep much more fit and healthy so I have more stamina.

Just a quick question, what does back to back mean?x

It means the baby’s back and back of head are against your spine. Annoyingly the midwife on the ward told me she was back to back the night before, and all my labour was in my back, but it took until I was 10cm dilates for the midwives and doctor on delivery to notice 🙈

Baby normal faces towards your bum, back to back is when baby faces up towards your tummy

Its really really painful and exhausting but you know that. Ask for pain relief, if you cannot deal with it.

So many people spend a lot of time preparing for the birth that they forget about the actual parenting once they get home.

Honestly, ignorance is bliss in this case. Just trust that the midwives know what their job entails and just go with the flow. Don’t gather knowledge about experiences because Everyone’s experience is different. Mine wasnt especially good, my best friend had a wonderful experience but a couple of years later and neither of us don’t care about that. Just concentrating on parenting.

Like everyone says it’s different for everyone. The thing I remember most was the throwing up. My body reacts to contractions by making me hurl. THAT was a bit unpleasant. Then I had to have an emergency c section and the thing I remember second best was a man shaving me down there 😐

I think you should just have a serious think about what pain meds etc you want, be prepared to have alternative plans and try to listen to your body.

Hell. I honestly wanted to die. By the end I'd forgotten why I was in so much pain, was passing out from pain and weakness and would have happily had my head chopped off to end it all.

The pain didn't end once DS was out and I ended up with long term significant issues both physical and mental.

I'm having a section this time but still crapping myself. The idea of going in to labour before my section date is almost paralysing me with fear. I never want to experience out again.

This was an unplanned pregnancy and I was too much of a wuss to have an abortion. I'm now 37 weeks and wish no could go back to when I had a choice.

The pain did make me think "holy fuck, what the hell was I thinking" it just spreads all over your bump and is a bit of a shock at first. I got through it though, and all was straightforward. Not all first time mums have long labours, mine was just over five hours and a few of my friends since have also had very short first labours.

The relief when it's over is immense, the knowledge that you're closer to meeting your baby is a big help, the crowing part stings like nothing I can describe.

Personally I recommend Hypnobirthing, I just used a book and CD :)

Oh and be open to pain relief, I didn't have any, but had my labour been longer I probably would have

I actully lool forward to giving birth (I won't lie, it's hard!) but the slog of being heavily pregnant is draining and I have a goal at the end of the pain and effort. I have had 2 at home, starting off with TENS and then G&A later. My first labour was about 8 hours, 6 or 7 hours for the 2nd. If it's straightforward and you can keep calm and move around as much as possible it should be fine. Unfortunately sometimes things go wrong and intervention is needed.

For me it was very very painful but just as I would think I couldn't cope with it,it would wear off and then start again so I felt like I can do this.

Crowning really burned but it was like a relief as well.

The grim part for me was before pushing. Just a very heavy sharp pain,felt like a baby was going to come out my bum not my bits. I really felt like yep,that's a head and soon its going to be pushing out of me. Lol

Endofrelationship I hope you have some support. I just noticed your post and hope you're ok.

11yrgap thanks

I'm an old gimmer who had first baby 27 years ago, and last one 20 years ago. OP, you have had some brilliant advice here. Try not to worry, it really is different for everyone. Try not to panic if it becomes really painful and overwhelming, I think the hypnobirthing suggestion sounds good. It won't make it any less painful but I think it will help you stay calm and focussed and not be frightened of what's happening.
Endofrelationship, just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your lost little one. I had a loss at 12 weeks too, and was like labour. Hugs xx

Yes, it hurts. But for most people, by the time you get to the end of pregnancy you just want it to end and your baby to arrive. Nine months is a long time.
Also, I think we focus on birth (which is ultimately not entirely under your control) and not enough on the first few weeks - I wish I did more prep about how to actually look after a baby and breastfeed. Those few weeks were much worse than labour.

Thanks @HoustonBess I think I was looking into it waaaaay too much and never really thought about how by the end you just want baby out. I think all mothers are amazing to go from dealing with that straight into motherhood.

I’ve had an infected wisdom tooth before as well. Someone once told me that the pain from that was worse than childbirth; they were lying!

Honestly, there are no words. I can tell you it was agony, and that I didn’t realise pain like that existed, that I’m normally a quiet, reserved person but that I was writhing and screaming and retching and begging like a torture victim but it’s all meaningless until you’re actually there and experiencing it.

Some people are fine of course, but I’d recommend an epidural. I didn’t get one early enough and not having one was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.

I would absolutely, unquestionably, do it a million times over for my beautiful DS though, who is the best thing in the entire world. And the further I get from the experience the less traumatised and the more proud I am of myself. It completely changed my opinion of my body - I used to be so cruel to myself, and childbirth made me realise how strong I am.

Also gives you a useful talking point for bonding sessions with other new mums

Crap. I have 4 vag Births with only slight pain relief & I can't answer title Q. How bad is that? It's... not like anything else. You could have said my leg needed cutting off & I would have agreed (for a few hrs) Am a rough & tumble girl, but not when squeezing babies out.

3 cousins, sisters, all had different experiences with their (each 3 children). There's no way to predict.

I lie... It was a lot like mere nasty menstral cramps until the last 2 hrs or so. So there is something comparable. The last 2 hrs were all consuming, though. Crowning was a f'ing doddle, tbh, or squeezing placenta out. Just labour... I think I fought it too much, if that makes any sense. I'd be better at it now (NEVER gonna happen).