Husband not up for a home birth

[ReadyForDinner]

Hello. Im pregnant with our second child and quite keen on the idea of a home birth. My husband says Im crazy, why would you take the risk. I have said that the first hint of anything being wrong you are going to be whisked off to hospital and that the midwives that assist home births are the most experianced. Although its me that is going to be doing the hard work I want us to both be comfortable and on board with the decision.

Anyone up for helping me talk him round / into it?

Our first was delivered in hospital with forceps after and hour and a half of pushing and although it was a bit fraught at the last minute the labour and even the delivery were a wonderful experiance. The large university hospital is five-fifteen mins away in a car depending on the time of day. My daughter was 8lb 12 and my only concern is that this one is likely to be bigger, though the first has likely prepared the road if you see what I mean :/

It's not a risk though? Outcomes for low risk second births are more or less the same for home and hospital births. And you're extremely close to the hospital so even for an emergency c-section you could be at hospital before they finish prepping theatre.

You get 2 midwives all to yourself when labouring at home. One to one care and undivided attention.

My husband wasn't keen initially but having had a chat with our midwife plus a look on homebirth.org he was much happier about the safety - we've had 2 home births now and planning the next in the Autumn, and you'd think he invented the idea!

My dh was also not keen when I suggested a hb for dd2 (after uneventful hospital birth with dd1). He came with me to a mw appointment and I asked her about it. She was really positive and pointed out it is just as safe for subsequent, low risk births. I think it was her response that brought him round as he might put me down as a raging hippy but he he believes the medical staff.
Now expecting dd3 and there has been no question from the beginning that we would have a hb again particularly as dds are much older and want to be there.

Are there any home birth groups locally? We went along to one to find out more, it was very informative. It may help to bring him round if he can hear from others who have done it.

My advice is when you have your homebirth booking appointment make sure he's there with the proviso that if he is still really scared you will go to hospital.

I asked all sorts of scary what-if questions and they were so confident, professional and reassuring.

One of the great things about a homebirth booking is that you can change your mind at any point and choose to go into hospital to have the baby. Could you try reassuring him with that information? And the homebirth.org website is a really great source of information and stories of successful hbs.

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Fathers-Home-Birth-Handbook/dp/190517750X

Well I'm here due in one day for a homebirth and it's starting to look like ill end up being induced so whatever happens for pin hopes on it. I know too many people who wanted one and didn't get one!

www.homebirth.org.uk/blokesven.htm

This is quite a nice article, written by a Dad that might help him see a different perspective.

I find my DH to be quite practical, so I went through the risk vs benefits, talked to the MW about the actual risks - rather than the perceived ones, what would happen in emergency situations etc. I didn't get my HB that time but I hoping for a HB this time round.

Hang in there Scuttlemum14 DD was delivered at home at 40 + 14. I'm glad I stuck to my guns and refused the automatically booked induction appointment.

I'd like to but my mother leaves for holiday in less than two weeks and I'm due tomorrow. If I don't have one then she won't see her grandchild for three weeks so I basically lose either way. I'd be very upset if she doesn't see it :(

plenty of time yet, scuttlemum. most babies are born after their due date.

Each to their own, but I think he's got a point. Why take the risk? If something went wrong during my labour, I'd much rather be in the hospital than 5 - 15 minutes away from it! The baby does not care how or where it is born and the birth is only one day in an entire lifetime - I don't understand why anyone would want to be anywhere other than the safest place in case anything untoward occurred. Though I know I may get flamed by the many in favour of home births....

Don't want to offend, just expressing the opposing pov as notice everyone else so far seems quite in favour. It's his baby too and I imagine men can feel quite scared and powerless during labour.

as you say, in the safest place

turns out that is home or hospital, no difference really

I think home births actually give dads more control because they're in their own home and not stuck watching in a hospital.
My DP was more comfortable helping me at home and the midwife watched like a hawk. I get the impression that in hospital you're left to it while the midwife checks other patients.

Yes I know that is apparently statistically true, but I find that quite puzzling - surely no-one can argue that in the hopefully unlikely case of a major medical emergency occurring the number of minutes away from an anaesthetist/ paediatrician etc can be crucial? Or maybe it is just I am a natural worrier and pessimist, I know lots of people have lovely homebirths!

It's partly because they statistically have less intervention, therefore avoid the 'cascade of intervention' that often ends in emergency deliveries. The statistics don't lie!

DH also wasn't entirely keen on a hb for DC2. He spoke to the midwife about his concerns amd she explained everything. He ended up loving the experience.

Not so much with DC3 when he had to deliver her as the midwife didn't make it in time, but that's a different story.

It takes a while to prep in an emergency anyway. The doctors aren't stood there waiting just in case. They need to be called, prep etc. So you can be blue lighted in whilst that is going on rather than being in hospital already while that is going on.

I'm here because I was born at home and so had an experienced midwife who could figure out what to do quickly in an emergency. Had it been a less experienced midwife, more likely in hospital, I might not be here.

In my hospital birth I wasn't checked once from waters breaking at 9pm to entering hospital at 5pm ( and 8cm) the next day. The midwives were called five times and each time they said I wasn't ready to come in. Then for the next four and a half hours I had a three minute cursory check every hour. I only got a midwife to myself in the last hour. When DH pressed the call button we had to wait twenty minutes before he went and found someone. The hospital was so busy that no doubt there would have been a wait for a doctor to assess me. They did everything they could to stop me pushing as they were struggling to find another free midwife.

At my homebirth I had a midwife who knew me, who watched and monitored me, talked to me and helped me from the first contraction. She came and went as the birth was long, but once I hit 6cm she stayed continuously. I was ten minutes from hospital on blue lights which is how long it takes to prep the theatre. In addition I was recommended a homebirth by every member of the community midwife team and my GP. I chose to trust the advice of the health care professionals who were caring for me.

One of those births left me with PND, PTSD, maternal OCD and anxiety for seven years. The other was the complete opposite. So just getting the baby out was important but there are other considerations as well.

Sorry OP, got carried away.

DH was dubious about a homebirth. He talked to other fathers who had been at homebirths and the midwives.

He is a scientist and went and looked at the statistics etc as well. That was something he knew and understood and was in his comfort zone!

After we had one he is a complete advocate, best to avoid the subject as he will bore you to tears about it!

He also accidentally electrocuted me with the TENs just as DS was crowning but I only mention that occasionally .

My dh was iffy about HB. He now agrees it was best thing for us by a mile.

Sounds like you had a reasonable first birth and can take comfort from knowing that the pushing stage is much much (much) easier second time around .

It's so much better to have early mw assessment rather than the guess work involved in waiting for the right time to get into hospital.

I nearly had ds1 at home due to hospital MWs telling me to hang on at home. I have reasonably quick labours. I didn't want to run risk of having baby in transit with ds2. I know too many mums getting turned away then having to dash back as they advanced so quickly. It's a sad side effect of the shortage of beds in labour wards that you aren't allowed to stay in til you're in established labour but that can come on quickly.

Ds2 was a planned home birth. It was much more pleasant due to having g&a and a pool , not just tens like I had for ds1.

Transferring to hospital slows birth down which isn't good for you or baby.

I am not remotely hippy ish and happy to do what medical professionals recommend. That was my CMW who dealt with both my pregnancies, my consultant obgyn and the mw team who did home birth assessment. Warned me of risk factors and heartily recommended HB for me.

Go for it. You will be glad you did

DD2 was born at home. DH was totally supportive (my earliest memory was my DSIS's HB, so it was sort of a done deal) The community MWs were incredibly good.

DD is 13, so just pre sat Navs and my house is a pig to find, rural and a good twenty minutes from the hospital if the ambulance doesn't get lost. Everyone MW on the rota did a antenatal visit and they all did postnatal ones too.

Compared with being in hospital the whole process was just so relaxed. Being in your own space and not having stranges about was just lovely, own bath, own bed and DD1 wandering in and meeting her sister aged 3 minutes.

I am sort of in the mindframe of "when the man is the one pushing a new human out of his genitalia, then it can be up to him where it happens".
But probably best to bring him onside with the statistics and that sort of thing.