Husband not up for a home birth

[ReadyForDinner]

Hello. Im pregnant with our second child and quite keen on the idea of a home birth. My husband says Im crazy, why would you take the risk. I have said that the first hint of anything being wrong you are going to be whisked off to hospital and that the midwives that assist home births are the most experianced. Although its me that is going to be doing the hard work I want us to both be comfortable and on board with the decision.

Anyone up for helping me talk him round / into it?

Our first was delivered in hospital with forceps after and hour and a half of pushing and although it was a bit fraught at the last minute the labour and even the delivery were a wonderful experiance. The large university hospital is five-fifteen mins away in a car depending on the time of day. My daughter was 8lb 12 and my only concern is that this one is likely to be bigger, though the first has likely prepared the road if you see what I mean :/

[MoonHare]

My youngest two were both born at home. DH was wary at first but speaking to the MW at the 36 week home birth visit put his mind at rest. He is now a huge advocate of HB from a father's point of view he felt much more involved and relaxed at home. This is a very interesting article he might like to read;

www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/myth-safer-hospital-birth-low-risk-pregnancies

scuttlemum14 I gave birth at home at 40+12 with no.3. Don't give up, it feels like the longest days of your life at the time but in hindsight was no time at all really. I had a sweep at 40+10.

[Minifingers]

"Sorry but I agree with apatosaurus and I do agree that the fathers wishes should be taken into consideration."

Why? Would you take their wishes into account when it comes to pain relief? This can affect the baby too.

Why is it ok to veto a homebirth when this is no more risky for the OP's baby and is LESS risky for her, but not ok to veto pain relief on the grounds that he's concerned about breathing difficulties or the baby having problems with breastfeeding?

[splendide]

I'm hoping for a home birth for my first but no idea if I'll get it. One of my reasons is that I think it'll loads better for DH.

[sanfairyanne]

i had a sweep at home at 8 days overdue. gave birth at home a few hours later.

[ChazzerChaser]

Scuttlemum I agree don't give up! From an outside perspective it seems odd you think you have to with so long to go. But I know it feels rather different when it's use. Tell you what though, if you unpack everything it'll be a sure fire way to get everything moving. Make it a little bit inconvenient and it'll happen like smoking at bus stops

[Scuttlemum14]

Ooo really? I'm on verge of unpacking homebirth stuff I got ready as it just stares at me like hah unlucky! I'd just like te opportunity to try for one! And honestly got anyone like OP there is NOTHING wrong with trying for one! That's been my attitude all along. If you end up in hospital then that's where you'd have been anyway. I understand about emergencies but from all the info I have read, in hospital you would still have to get the doctors team, you preppe and theatre. Be open minded and listen to health professionals and husband, no one else opinion matters when giving birth. I know dh is getting quite upset baby isn't here so I will probably agree to induction as hes worried and he gave me the opportunity so I will give it him back and listen to him

[sanfairyanne]

sympathies, scuttlemum. honestly though, if most babies are born after their due date, then your baby is behaving perfectly normally. in France, you would be due next week!

[LEMmingaround]

Sorry but I agree with apatosaurus and I do agree that the fathers wishes should be taken into consideration.

[Scuttlemum14]

Wow I can say from reading replies everyone has summed exactly what my birth with ds was like. It was quick, they didn't expect it to be so I was left on my own with dh running to find a mw. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't very great either. My main reason for asking for a HB (and dh wasn't on side at first) was because I wanted a new relaxing environment. I have said from the start to dh that should they request I go in then I will (I promised) for whatever reason (although staff shortage would pee me off no end if that was reason!). I haven't gone OCD on it and because I'm quite calm, he is! We shall see but I'm sad to say I'm
Losing hope having been ten days early with ds and now due today with this one and nothing :(

[QuipFree]

Also, second births can be quite quick (you hope!) and with a HB you don't have to panic about childcare for DC1.

[BelleOfTheBorstal]

I am sort of in the mindframe of "when the man is the one pushing a new human out of his genitalia, then it can be up to him where it happens".
But probably best to bring him onside with the statistics and that sort of thing.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

DD2 was born at home. DH was totally supportive (my earliest memory was my DSIS's HB, so it was sort of a done deal) The community MWs were incredibly good.

DD is 13, so just pre sat Navs and my house is a pig to find, rural and a good twenty minutes from the hospital if the ambulance doesn't get lost. Everyone MW on the rota did a antenatal visit and they all did postnatal ones too.

Compared with being in hospital the whole process was just so relaxed. Being in your own space and not having stranges about was just lovely, own bath, own bed and DD1 wandering in and meeting her sister aged 3 minutes.

[ZenNudist]

My dh was iffy about HB. He now agrees it was best thing for us by a mile.

Sounds like you had a reasonable first birth and can take comfort from knowing that the pushing stage is much much (much) easier second time around .

It's so much better to have early mw assessment rather than the guess work involved in waiting for the right time to get into hospital.

I nearly had ds1 at home due to hospital MWs telling me to hang on at home. I have reasonably quick labours. I didn't want to run risk of having baby in transit with ds2. I know too many mums getting turned away then having to dash back as they advanced so quickly. It's a sad side effect of the shortage of beds in labour wards that you aren't allowed to stay in til you're in established labour but that can come on quickly.

Ds2 was a planned home birth. It was much more pleasant due to having g&a and a pool , not just tens like I had for ds1.

Transferring to hospital slows birth down which isn't good for you or baby.

I am not remotely hippy ish and happy to do what medical professionals recommend. That was my CMW who dealt with both my pregnancies, my consultant obgyn and the mw team who did home birth assessment. Warned me of risk factors and heartily recommended HB for me.

Go for it. You will be glad you did

[TheWanderingUterus]

Sorry OP, got carried away.

DH was dubious about a homebirth. He talked to other fathers who had been at homebirths and the midwives.

He is a scientist and went and looked at the statistics etc as well. That was something he knew and understood and was in his comfort zone!

After we had one he is a complete advocate, best to avoid the subject as he will bore you to tears about it!

He also accidentally electrocuted me with the TENs just as DS was crowning but I only mention that occasionally .

[TheWanderingUterus]

In my hospital birth I wasn't checked once from waters breaking at 9pm to entering hospital at 5pm ( and 8cm) the next day. The midwives were called five times and each time they said I wasn't ready to come in. Then for the next four and a half hours I had a three minute cursory check every hour. I only got a midwife to myself in the last hour. When DH pressed the call button we had to wait twenty minutes before he went and found someone. The hospital was so busy that no doubt there would have been a wait for a doctor to assess me. They did everything they could to stop me pushing as they were struggling to find another free midwife.

At my homebirth I had a midwife who knew me, who watched and monitored me, talked to me and helped me from the first contraction. She came and went as the birth was long, but once I hit 6cm she stayed continuously. I was ten minutes from hospital on blue lights which is how long it takes to prep the theatre. In addition I was recommended a homebirth by every member of the community midwife team and my GP. I chose to trust the advice of the health care professionals who were caring for me.

One of those births left me with PND, PTSD, maternal OCD and anxiety for seven years. The other was the complete opposite. So just getting the baby out was important but there are other considerations as well.

[ChazzerChaser]

It takes a while to prep in an emergency anyway. The doctors aren't stood there waiting just in case. They need to be called, prep etc. So you can be blue lighted in whilst that is going on rather than being in hospital already while that is going on.

I'm here because I was born at home and so had an experienced midwife who could figure out what to do quickly in an emergency. Had it been a less experienced midwife, more likely in hospital, I might not be here.

[LemonBreeland]

DH also wasn't entirely keen on a hb for DC2. He spoke to the midwife about his concerns amd she explained everything. He ended up loving the experience.

Not so much with DC3 when he had to deliver her as the midwife didn't make it in time, but that's a different story.

[CityDweller]

It's partly because they statistically have less intervention, therefore avoid the 'cascade of intervention' that often ends in emergency deliveries. The statistics don't lie!

[ataposaurus]

Yes I know that is apparently statistically true, but I find that quite puzzling - surely no-one can argue that in the hopefully unlikely case of a major medical emergency occurring the number of minutes away from an anaesthetist/ paediatrician etc can be crucial? Or maybe it is just I am a natural worrier and pessimist, I know lots of people have lovely homebirths!

[gallicgirl]

I think home births actually give dads more control because they're in their own home and not stuck watching in a hospital.
My DP was more comfortable helping me at home and the midwife watched like a hawk. I get the impression that in hospital you're left to it while the midwife checks other patients.

[sanfairyanne]

as you say, in the safest place

turns out that is home or hospital, no difference really

[ataposaurus]

Each to their own, but I think he's got a point. Why take the risk? If something went wrong during my labour, I'd much rather be in the hospital than 5 - 15 minutes away from it! The baby does not care how or where it is born and the birth is only one day in an entire lifetime - I don't understand why anyone would want to be anywhere other than the safest place in case anything untoward occurred. Though I know I may get flamed by the many in favour of home births....

Don't want to offend, just expressing the opposing pov as notice everyone else so far seems quite in favour. It's his baby too and I imagine men can feel quite scared and powerless during labour.

[sanfairyanne]

plenty of time yet, scuttlemum. most babies are born after their due date.

[Scuttlemum14]

I'd like to but my mother leaves for holiday in less than two weeks and I'm due tomorrow. If I don't have one then she won't see her grandchild for three weeks so I basically lose either way. I'd be very upset if she doesn't see it :(

[CityDweller]

Hang in there Scuttlemum14 DD was delivered at home at 40 + 14. I'm glad I stuck to my guns and refused the automatically booked induction appointment.