Did you refuse stitches after a tear during birth and how are you doing?

[cfc]

Am feeding my new son, born on Sat, so this will be brief as one handed!

After the birth, 8 lb-er, I was inspected and told i had torn along my previous episiotomy scar. This prodding around fucking nearly killed me. it was much more painful than the actual birth and i was hopping up the bed trying to get them to stop!

they recom'd a stitch as it had gone some way to the muscle but i couldn't face the thought of it, the needle for the local, and being stitched in the delivery room - was stitched last time in theatre by surgeon (retained placenta, pph) and was flying after a couple of days he did such a great job!

i don't know if we're talking a 2nd or 3rd degree tear, i don't know what makes the grade tbh. i feel ok...dh reckons i should have gone for it at the time - like he'd have ha ha ha, the thought of him in labour, ha ha ha...

I have had three children. The first child required a forceps delivery and I had "10 stitches in 3 layers" whatever that means. I was bruised and tender for about 6 months afterwards.

My second child was born under the care of an independent midwife. She didn't believe in stitches so left a flap of skin. I felt fine apart from when I needed a pee when it was such agony that I couldn't help screaming like I was in a horror film. It took about a week for the stinging pain on weeing to subside.

My final child was born at home with the assistance of an NHS community midwife. She was very insistent that she should stitch me up. DD was born in the middle of the night and I really wanted everyone to leave me to my own devises. I found it really annoying having to lay back and have my undercarriage faffed with.

Even though I had periods of excruciating pain when peeing, I think overall my overall experience was best with DC2 but I'm just a bit weird I think.

Quick tip, when peeing after stitches etc pour water on your fanjo at the same time. It dilutes the pee and reduces the stinging a bit.

Or pee in the bath, if it's really bad.

I had stitches for a second degree tear, agree it was painful but they injected a local anaesthetic and I made full use of the gas and air :D It didn't really occur to me to say no though so interested to see what other people's experiences were.

I believe a third degree tear is when it reaches your bum, but happy to be corrected!

First time I was given a choice by the midwife along the lines of. "You could have a stitch but it'll be fine if you don't" I didn't and it was.

Second time she said def needed stitches. She asked "Do you want me to bother with a local?" I can't imagine any other situation when someone would be asked this before having stitches. The needle didn't hurt in fact the local was a blessed relief. It was absolutely fine.

Why don't you ask "How bad is the tear. I don't want stitches. Do you think that will cause any problems?" Maybe it just takes longer to heal??

Lean as forward as you can go when peeing, that helps.

I had forceps delivery with #1 and was cut in some weird way to accomodate the bbq tongs so had stiches all the way back into my bum cheek.. argh I was in agony for weeks..
#2 second degree tear which was stiched and I didnt feel them, honestly would never have known i'd torn/been stitched if they hadn't have told me.
#3 second degree tear again and she was my biggest of all (10lbs3), didn't stitch me up, mw said it wasn't necessary and I never noticed that either, never even had so much as a sting

SO what i've taken from it is tearing is far, far better than being cut with regards to healing and pain (after #1 the stitches also tore open and became badly infected..)

Sorry to hijack a bit OP but; Does everyone tear? I fully understand birth is not like it is in the films...but tearing? Everyone?!

I had stitches for a second degree tear four weeks ago. By the MW, in the delivery room, after the birth.

I had flung away the button for the epidural while pushing and couldn't be arsed digging it up again so told the mw to "just get it over with"... It was quite painful at the end when she got to the outer layers of skin, and the pain made me a bit short-tempered with the poor woman "Are you done yet? What's taking so long?!" Mind you earlier in the night I'd got into the bathroom, shouted for DH to help me, and loudly sobbed to him that I hated her (because the anaesthetists were busy in theatre and I couldn't have the epi for five hours after they had decided i needed it and she sat there like a waxwork while the contractions got worse and I screamed), so maybe we were just never going to get along ...

But she did a very good job on the stitches. No problems at all, I have to say. Husband has thoroughly tested the plumbing and can't feel any difference either.

i tore with my forst and had no stitches was sore for a few days after no tearing with the second though =]

*first

Alis: if it helps, I never felt the tear and was surprised to learn that I'd torn, and surprised again to learn it was a second degree tear. I also would not have known if I hadn't been told. Pushing was not painful for me at all, just a lot of effort and exertion.

lornamowa I had that when weeing. The pain was utterly indescribable.

I also got given an ointment to keep applying to stop my outter lip healing against the 'graze'. Thing is, your vagina heals very frigging quickly so when I was applying the ointment I kept having to untare my lip from where it was trying to heal.

The second baby came out at a funny and angle and I did need stitches but that was so much easier. I like the excuse of using the gas and air as it got rather abandoned during labour.

Alis no, not everyone tears. It's a bit hit and miss.

I tore with DD (3rd degree) and recovery didn't hurt at all, with DS I had an episiotomy and that was really fucking sore afterwards.

I only had minor tearing and they gave me the option of stitching but recommended it in the end as I was bleeding quite a lot and they said the stitches would help to make it all less messy. So I went ahead and it was fine, until she got to the point where I could suddenly felt the needle going into my flesh, jumped nearly 50 foot in the air, and she said "Oh yes there's no anaesthetic there, I was just going to tidy it up with a couple of stitches." I very irately said "Could you NOT do that please!" at which DH gave me a "you're being rude" look to which I replied "Right we'll have someone stick a needle in your cock with NO ANAESTHETIC and see how POLITE you are then, eh, ARSEHOLE!" (I may have been a little grouchy at that point). But seriously though, who sticks a needle into someone's fanjo knowing there's no anaesthetic?? Would an A and E doctor do that while stitching someone's arm? No way!

DH did apologise afterwards. I didn't.

Alis Perineal massage can help reduce chance of tearing

Congratulations on your new DS!
I tore with DD1 and refused consent for stitches. They tried to persuade me, gave up and everything was fine quite soon after. I was not sure if I had done the right thing but my BIL who is a GP told me that if I had really really needed stitches they would have insisted.
This happened then with DD2 when I had a second degree tear. I was distraught at the idea of more pain, stirrups etc (I had dreadful SPD and a traumatically fast birth)and again refused consent for stitches. This time they were much more insistent- bullying even- and told me I would be knocked out with a GA and stitched in theatre. So I think what I am trying to say is that if you really needed them, they would have forced you. Just get your midwife to look at them at every visit and take it easy.

I am very glad I had an epidural. I had an episiotomy due to ventouse delivery and needed to be stitched but didn't feel a thing until the epidural worse off then I was in fucking agony and couldn't sit down for weeks

Hi there

This isn't really an AIBU, so we've moved it to Childbirth

Best of luck to the OP

If you just need a couple of stitches in the skin, often infiltrating with local wouldbe worse as it's 2/3 needles with the injection and skin is hard to numb so you often feel it anyway. So the theory is just get the stitches done without - fewer actual needle pricks for you.

When she brought in another midwife - my attending mw was drafted in from community as labour ward was so busy ans wasn't confident in her surroundings, but fab when baby was coming - she said she would recommend a stitch as it had gone some way into the muscle, i tested the waters at that point with me saying no and there wasn't much insistance only a "well we don't know what the long term eeffects will be" but i couldn't take any more. Pushing was easy! I think i tore as ds had cord round neck and mw had to fiddle with that for a while. I could feel a lot, but you're fairly nuumb down there at the ring of fire point so it was - if i am honest - a fantastic experience.

Taking a post-birth piss, however...

Thank you for your replies.

There you go, if there wasn't much insistence you're fiiiiine. Peeing in the bath helps with stinging BTW. Nice.

Episiotomy first time round and a tear. Stitched up by very good looking registrar. He did a good job but the next 3 weeks were agony as I could feel them pulling.

Tore 2nd time round. DD made life difficult by coming out with her fist next to her head. Thanks for that. Independent midwive said I didn't have to have stitches as long as I promised to stay in bed and not go downstairs for a week (latter the crucial bit as the wound would open). This being my 2nd child, after 2 years of disturbed sleep and a miserable pregnancy - I was very happy to agree to this. Healed no problem and with less wincing discomfort than the first time.

Stay in bed!

DS1 2nd degree stitched, horrific pain for 9 months afterwards, eventually had to be cut and restiched when DS was a year old.

DS2 2nd degree, refused stitches all fine.

DD1 2nd degree again refused stitches again healing nicely.