Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you need professional help, please contact your GP or local mental health support services.
Mumsnetters aren't necessarily qualified to help if your child is unwell. If you need professional help, please contact your GP or local mental health support services.
Child mental health
5 year old DD wets bed after going to her dad's house
RosiePosiesmama · 29/12/2021 09:12
So my 5 yo DD has been dry through the night since she was about 2½, we have had the odd accident when she is ill but no other issues. Recently she has started coming home from her dad's and wetting the bed through the night (only the night she comes home and then goes back to being dry) I took her to the doctor about it and my doctor told me it was probably the stress of being away from me so I tried sending her just for a couple of hours in the day but she still came home and wet the bed again that night. I spoke to DD's dad about it and he said she wets most nights at his because she is "too tired to wake up". She has a very busy life at home and no matter how long the day is she always manages to get up and go to the toilet so now I'm extremely stressed about what could be the cause of this and I'm at a loss on what to do, we also have trouble getting her to her dad's on a weekend as she will have major meltdowns begging me not to send her 😫 He is supposed to have her 2 weekends a month by court order so she has to go but I just don't know where to go from here 😔
Any advice would be very much appreciated!
Miracle29 · 29/12/2021 20:05
Sorry your having a hard time op. Have you had a conversation with her about why she doesn't want to go her dad's? If she doesn't talk about it, maybe talk to her during playtime or when she's colouring? I get more sense out of my dd if she has a problem she won't talk about, she gets engrossed in playing and will chat away. Is it a new thing where she's going to her dad's or new home? Maybe it's just abit of anxiety while adjusting to new arrangements. Is she scared to go to the toilet at her dads for whatever reason. I remember my dd being completely dry until we moved house and she suddenly didnt like the dark and the toilet was in another place she wasn't used to like the other house so ended up wetting herself until she adjusted. I'd have a chat with her and see why she's doing it at her dad's.
SweetBabyCheeses99 · 29/12/2021 21:09
I think you need to talk to your daughter and try and get a bit more info out of her. And talk to your ex. Presumably he wants to try to help her too. Aside from that, I appreciate that it’s court ordered but is there some kind of social worker or intermediary that you could speak to? Explain to them how much your daughter hates going and about the bed wetting. It can’t be in a child’s best interests.
AThroneOfLies · 29/12/2021 21:16
Along with the reluctance to go I would be very wary about sending her if I was in your shoes.
Have school picked up on any worrying behaviour?
Is anything recently different at dads house? New partner, change of room/routine etc
Theunamedcat · 29/12/2021 21:18
Is he putting her in nappies over there? The fact that it resolves after 24 hours is strange?
Embracelife · 29/12/2021 21:19
Why stress of being away from you?
Why anxiety with her father?
see if you can get sessions with play therapist or child psychologist to get to root of stresss
GoodnightGrandma · 29/12/2021 21:19
How would he feel about having her for a day instead ? Does he insist on having her for the weekend even though it upsets her ?
endofagain · 29/12/2021 21:21
She is clearly extremely stressed by the visits. Something is upsetting her and TBH, if this was my child I would be looking for help from a play therapist to get to the bottom of what is happening. It is very likely that she won't feel able to tell you what is happening. You need to act very quickly on this. Something is very wrong.
She is having major meltdowns, begging you not to send her, wetting the bed on return. These are red flags.
over2021 · 29/12/2021 21:32
@endofagain
She is having major meltdowns, begging you not to send her, wetting the bed on return. These are red flags.
This. I'm a safeguarding lead- these are warning signs that something isn't right.
GoodnightGrandma · 29/12/2021 21:33
It really upsets me when kids are forced to stay over. My DM’s house was my home, not DF’s. I didn’t want to stay there, I wanted to go home.
katiekatharine · 29/12/2021 21:33
As above, these are red flags. Something is very wrong.
Pickledlipstick · 29/12/2021 21:34
This worries me. Something is happening to her at her dads. Please do not ignore this.
Fallagain · 29/12/2021 21:35
I would be very worried here unless its just because he gives her lots of blackcurrant squash.
FrownedUpon · 29/12/2021 21:45
You need to listen to her. Something isn’t right here.
ffscovid · 29/12/2021 21:53
Are you sure it's stress?
My DD used to always wet at a similar age if she was given Fruit Shoots or squash (we didn't normally have it at home and this only became a 'thing' when she started school and going to friends' houses / parties etc). Like your DD, she was out of nappies at night by 2.5 and never wet the bed normally.
Find out what she's drinking with her dad.
endofagain · 29/12/2021 21:55
I doubt that fruit shoots or other juice would be the reason for the meltdowns and begging not to go.
ffscovid · 29/12/2021 21:57
@endofagain
No, but they could easily be the reason for the bedwetting. This might not be it, but a simple fix if they are.
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 29/12/2021 21:57
Could be lots of reasons.
No landing /bathroom light left on.
Scared of the house.
Scared of her df.
Df has told her to stay in bed and she has taken that literally.
Fizzy pop /juice.
MadameMinimes · 29/12/2021 22:02
Another person here with safeguarding training. I agree with the others. This is potentially a very serious red flag. Yes, it may be dietary, but it could also be a sign that she is being abused whilst with her father. The suggestion of a play therapist is a good one, I think.
CombatBarbie · 29/12/2021 22:14
Completely agree that something is not right with what you have described. I also 2nd the poster who suggested play therapist.
Yika · 29/12/2021 22:20
I would take her to a child psychologist, who would be better able to draw out what the issue is.
MackenCheese · 29/12/2021 22:31
Is there anyone else at her dad's house, that she is afraid of?
Holothane · 29/12/2021 22:34
Something wrong here, clean and dry since very young now this no please get as much help and advice for both of you. Hugs.
AnotherDelphinium · 29/12/2021 22:44
My partners daughters have stayed over a few times, and the youngest (4) has had a few accidents. It’s a combination of being in a new house and waking up disorientated, and also forgetting to tell her to have a wee before bed, and giving her squash rather than just water in the late afternoon/evening.
However, as soon as we know he gets her washed down, changed pjs and a cuddle, and I’ll sort out a change of bedding etc, and then she’s back into bed and asleep. Is it possible her dad isn’t quite as practiced at this? Or possibly berates her? And this is then having a knock on effect where she’s worried about going etc?
However, if the first night back it’s still a problem, I’d also think it’s something she’s eating or drinking at his?
Pickledlipstick · 30/12/2021 07:23
Sounds a bit extreme but I would be tempted if she had a favorite toy or teddy to get a little camera hidden in it, just for my own peace of mind nothing was going on.
YourenutsmiLord · 30/12/2021 07:27
If he says she is too tired to get up is she kept up till ridiculous o clock at his?
Is anyone else at his house when she goes?
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