5 year old DD wets bed after going to her dad's house

[RosiePosiesmama]

So my 5 yo DD has been dry through the night since she was about 2½, we have had the odd accident when she is ill but no other issues. Recently she has started coming home from her dad's and wetting the bed through the night (only the night she comes home and then goes back to being dry) I took her to the doctor about it and my doctor told me it was probably the stress of being away from me so I tried sending her just for a couple of hours in the day but she still came home and wet the bed again that night. I spoke to DD's dad about it and he said she wets most nights at his because she is "too tired to wake up". She has a very busy life at home and no matter how long the day is she always manages to get up and go to the toilet so now I'm extremely stressed about what could be the cause of this and I'm at a loss on what to do, we also have trouble getting her to her dad's on a weekend as she will have major meltdowns begging me not to send her 😫 He is supposed to have her 2 weekends a month by court order so she has to go but I just don't know where to go from here 😔
Any advice would be very much appreciated!

[BlossomingSlowly]

As others have said, I'd have some concerns from a safeguarding perspective. I worked as Designated Safeguarding Lead in a primary school and would agree that the situation raises some red flags for me, but would hate to jump to any conclusions. As the doctor said, she could just be really upset about being away from you (I was VERY clingy with my mum as a young child) but I think the fact you're asking here suggests you think there's more to it.

My next steps if I were in your shoes would be:

• Talk to your daughter. During playtime would be the best time. You could even use toys to 'role play', say, pretend one teddy/toy is her, and one is her dad, and say "ah, this teddy is going to daddy's house now, I wonder if teddy is happy about that?" Children often open up more during role playing games, and when they can put their feelings onto an object, as opposed to directly saying "I feel like this".
• Talk to your daughters school, preferably someone in a safeguarding and/or pastoral role. They should be able to guide you towards support, and may even provide an in-school intervention.

Sending hugs OP, I hope the situation gets resolved and everyone is okay ❤️

[Shouldershrugger]

Op please take you dd to child psychologist. My dd didn't want to stay at her dads overnight and we found out the reasons a few years after. He was abusing her and I hate myself for not seeing the signs everyday. It has affected her adoloscence and adult life everyday. I really hope that I'm wrong. But please don't take any chances.

[YourenutsmiLord]

If he says she is too tired to get up is she kept up till ridiculous o clock at his?
Is anyone else at his house when she goes?

[Pickledlipstick]

Sounds a bit extreme but I would be tempted if she had a favorite toy or teddy to get a little camera hidden in it, just for my own peace of mind nothing was going on.

[AnotherDelphinium]

My partners daughters have stayed over a few times, and the youngest (4) has had a few accidents. It’s a combination of being in a new house and waking up disorientated, and also forgetting to tell her to have a wee before bed, and giving her squash rather than just water in the late afternoon/evening.

However, as soon as we know he gets her washed down, changed pjs and a cuddle, and I’ll sort out a change of bedding etc, and then she’s back into bed and asleep. Is it possible her dad isn’t quite as practiced at this? Or possibly berates her? And this is then having a knock on effect where she’s worried about going etc?

However, if the first night back it’s still a problem, I’d also think it’s something she’s eating or drinking at his?

[Holothane]

Something wrong here, clean and dry since very young now this no please get as much help and advice for both of you. Hugs.

[MackenCheese]

Is there anyone else at her dad's house, that she is afraid of?

[Yika]

I would take her to a child psychologist, who would be better able to draw out what the issue is.

[CombatBarbie]

Completely agree that something is not right with what you have described. I also 2nd the poster who suggested play therapist.

[MadameMinimes]

Another person here with safeguarding training. I agree with the others. This is potentially a very serious red flag. Yes, it may be dietary, but it could also be a sign that she is being abused whilst with her father. The suggestion of a play therapist is a good one, I think.

[Santahatesbraisedcabbage]

Could be lots of reasons.
No landing /bathroom light left on.
Scared of the house.
Scared of her df.
Df has told her to stay in bed and she has taken that literally.
Fizzy pop /juice.

[ffscovid]

@endofagain

I doubt that fruit shoots or other juice would be the reason for the meltdowns and begging not to go.

No, but they could easily be the reason for the bedwetting. This might not be it, but a simple fix if they are.

[endofagain]

I doubt that fruit shoots or other juice would be the reason for the meltdowns and begging not to go.

[ffscovid]

Are you sure it's stress?

My DD used to always wet at a similar age if she was given Fruit Shoots or squash (we didn't normally have it at home and this only became a 'thing' when she started school and going to friends' houses / parties etc). Like your DD, she was out of nappies at night by 2.5 and never wet the bed normally.

Find out what she's drinking with her dad.

[FrownedUpon]

You need to listen to her. Something isn’t right here.

[Fallagain]

I would be very worried here unless its just because he gives her lots of blackcurrant squash.

[Pickledlipstick]

This worries me. Something is happening to her at her dads. Please do not ignore this.

[katiekatharine]

As above, these are red flags. Something is very wrong.

[GoodnightGrandma]

It really upsets me when kids are forced to stay over. My DM’s house was my home, not DF’s. I didn’t want to stay there, I wanted to go home.

[over2021]

@endofagain

She is clearly extremely stressed by the visits. Something is upsetting her and TBH, if this was my child I would be looking for help from a play therapist to get to the bottom of what is happening. It is very likely that she won't feel able to tell you what is happening. You need to act very quickly on this. Something is very wrong.
She is having major meltdowns, begging you not to send her, wetting the bed on return. These are red flags.

This. I'm a safeguarding lead- these are warning signs that something isn't right.

[endofagain]

She is clearly extremely stressed by the visits. Something is upsetting her and TBH, if this was my child I would be looking for help from a play therapist to get to the bottom of what is happening. It is very likely that she won't feel able to tell you what is happening. You need to act very quickly on this. Something is very wrong.
She is having major meltdowns, begging you not to send her, wetting the bed on return. These are red flags.

[GoodnightGrandma]

How would he feel about having her for a day instead ? Does he insist on having her for the weekend even though it upsets her ?

[Embracelife]

Why stress of being away from you?
Why anxiety with her father?
see if you can get sessions with play therapist or child psychologist to get to root of stresss

[Theunamedcat]

Is he putting her in nappies over there? The fact that it resolves after 24 hours is strange?

[AThroneOfLies]

Along with the reluctance to go I would be very wary about sending her if I was in your shoes.
Have school picked up on any worrying behaviour?
Is anything recently different at dads house? New partner, change of room/routine etc