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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you have an anti- bf MIL? Let's have a rant!

79 replies

sweetandtenderhooligan · 03/01/2011 12:26

I'm sure this has been done to death but I'm curious to hear stories about other disapproving mils! Mine reckons I'm depriving ds of a "proper feed", arrived at my house when ds was 3 weeks old with a tub of Aptimal and 6 Tommy Tipee bottles in am attempt to lure me out of bf, refuses to feed ds a bottle of expressed breast milk, commented recently that because ds had a cold it proved that bfeeding isn't all it's made out to be etc etc etc. I could go on. Let me have your stories please!

OP posts:
KindleTheSky · 03/01/2011 12:30

Mine told me it was "obscene" to breast feed my children beyond six weeks and phoned me to tell me every day. It was hideous. Somehow when her own dd breastfed her babies it was ok Hmm

MickyLee · 03/01/2011 12:31

Really.. how do you put up with her? Tbh I have not really heard anyone anti-bf before EVER. You poor thing!

stickersarecurrency · 03/01/2011 12:35

I've had unthinking comments, possibly less support than might be desirable at times, but never anything so overtly negative. I'm afraid I'd be sorely tempted to be really quite rude to her.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 03/01/2011 12:42

I was asked pre-birth if I was going to express rather than feed, she clearly wanted to feed the baby girl she never had, why would I double up in effort and express all feeds if I didn't have to?!

Since then she has asked when I plan to feed to, she too thinks I'm starving her grandchild, I can tell! I was initially only going to feed until I went back to work at 6 months, but when she found out I planned to continue inc back at work she was all cats arse faced with me

With her, I genuinely think it makes her feel bad she couldn't do it for her own, so why should I get the chance, but also she desperately wants to mother my daughter and she can't - ha!

HeroShrew · 03/01/2011 12:48

My MIL obviously feels as IAUBU (love the name) does; a bit guilty that she didn't BF her own children. I get a lot of "it just wasn't the done thing in my day", I feel a bit sorry for her TBH so I ignored her anti-BF jibes.

Didn't stop me laughing when, after finding my freshly laundered breast pads on my washing pile, she laid them out nicely on the coffee table thinking they were coasters Grin

rimsky · 03/01/2011 12:54

My MIL is not as bad as some MILs but I am sick of everytime I see her her saying "Is he going any longer between feeds" and "Is he going any longer at night"?

I cannot get through to her about feeding on demand. She told me in all seriousness that she demand fed because sometimes when DP was hungry in the morning she'd feed him at 5.30am instead of waiting for the 6.00am feed! She also told me she had to walk round the house with crying babies to make them stretch out the full 4 hours. But apparently a 4 hour gap helped her to get things done around the house (argh!) Still she maintains this is the right way...

I swear when I'm feeding DS for like the 3rd time during a visit she thinks I'm absolutely potty.

DP tried to weedle out of her when she started supplementing with bottles, and she answered with the evasive answer "not at the beginning".

Why don't they understand that 4 hour feeding doesn't work for the majority of people, and didn't work too well for them either!

blueberryboybaitonSafari · 03/01/2011 12:54

I was told that there was a reason they make formula - scientists know more than me! Also they refuse to come into the house via the front door if I am feeding - they go around the back and into the kitchen incase they pass the sitting room and I am feeding! If we are out and about with MIL and DD2 needs a feed she will go and walkabout the restaurant rather than sit with me even if I am totally cover over. She worried that someone they know will see me exposing myself Hmm

rimsky · 03/01/2011 12:55

Didn't realise I needed to get that off my chest until now!

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 03/01/2011 13:01

Can I join in with stories of my mum not MIL?

My MIL is lovely and very pro bf. She never got to bf my dp and SIL as they are both adopted so I've had no problems with her what so ever.

My mum on the other hand I could quite easily throttle.

When ds1 was 6 weeks old she was like don't you think it's time to put him on the bottle, he's a bit big now for bf. I was like "And how do you think he got this big mum"

When ds2 was 2 days old she phoned and asked what I was up to, told her I was sat on the sofa bf the baby and she replied with "oh your doing that again are you. Hmm

This is just the start of it, I'm too calm at the moment to make myself angry by ranting lol.

otchayaniye · 03/01/2011 13:07

"My MIL is lovely and very pro bf. She never got to bf my dp and SIL as they are both adopted so I've had no problems with her what so ever.

My mum on the other hand I could quite easily throttle."

Same here. My MIL who didn't breastfeed her children thinks I am a saint for breastfeeding (although I have not told her I still do it past 2 years)

My mother, who forgets she fed me for about 14/15 months was always on about 'bitty'.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 03/01/2011 13:07

Ah I forgot... I get "again?" When baby wants a feed, the concept of demand feeding is alien to her, even ehen she can see that's what baby likes... And don't get me started on the 4 hourly thing, she will try and jiggle baby and walk off, me chasing behind to feed my dd, because the silly ol goat thinks jiggling will stave off hunger:.. Que me snatching my baby back!

KindleTheSky · 03/01/2011 13:11

Oh yes the "again" I also used to get "you are over feeding the baby" all the time. If we went to her house I was told to go upstairs because it was "embarassing" if i had to feed them. I ddin't realise i still cared, this was eight years ago Blush

DancingThroughLife · 03/01/2011 13:16

On the whole my MIL is very supportive. She didn't bf past colostrum, so she's fascinated by me bfing for 7 months.

I had a few Hmm comments about 4 months in, along the lines of "How many times a day are you feeding her? That many? I think they should be going 4 hours between feeds at this age". This in response to me feeding DD 3 times in about 40 mins, after the three of us had been walking around town for 6 HOURS without a feed.

But bless her, since DD started the sleep regression, she hasn't once said 'stick her on formula to help her sleep through' like my own mum did (and I was bf as a baby).

Like I said, she's really curious so while some of the stuff she comes out with is odd, it's not malicious. By the look of some of these, I'm very lucky really.

deemented · 03/01/2011 13:21

I was a green new mum when i had my boys, and when i got DS2 home from NICU my mother insisted that i put him on formula. I was expressing milk for him, and had been for the previous 12 weeks, and she'd take a bottle of EBM, look at it and say disgustedly 'Well.. it's like water, theres obviously NO goodness in that' She wore me down so much i eventually gave in and gave him formula. I knew no better, and regret it now.

However, by the time DD arrived i had discovered the interweb and found people that breastfed as a normal occourance, and my mother had moved away so was no longer a looming shadow.

Didn't stop her though, when DD was eight weeks old, from ringing and asking when was i going to put her on 'proper' food. By tht she meant formula.

She would have been horrified if she'd have lived to see me BF dd all the way through my pregnancy with DS3, who'll be one next week and is still BF!!

deemented · 03/01/2011 13:24

Oh, and manshapes ma likes to tut very loudly when i BF DS3. She'll happily tell me that he should be eating proper food now - he is - and that i should stop him feeding as it'll encourage him to be a mummies boy in later life.... Hmm

jaggythistle · 03/01/2011 13:33

I actually found my post from when DS was a few weeks old on another forum and read it earlier today.

I had forgotten how annoyed I was!

I might go and copy and paste some.

Not sure if she realises he is still bf at 15 months, I think she would pass out...

She totally frowned on feeding on demand and asked me if I still fed him at night when he was about 15 weeks old. No, I just tell him to shut up and go back to sleep of course...Hmm

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 03/01/2011 13:38

I feel for these women of the generation that were spoonfed this terrible way of mothering!

It's not just breastfeeding is it, let's be honest, they were taught to put baby in the cot between feeds, 9mly getting out for food or a change, no interaction! My mil is aghast at the activities me and my dd do, she may have been a perfectly good mum, but apart from jiggling the baby she doesn't know how to play it talk to her, the fact I co-sleep is beyond her comprehension, and when baby cries apparently we should put her in the pram outside, leave her to it, not resolve why she is crying!

The woman is a lemming and I take no notice!

Original poster
sweetandtenderhooligan · 03/01/2011 14:03

My own mum is uncomfortable with me breastfeeding, but does acknowledge that breast is best. MIL is a nightmare full stop. DS is five months old and according to her he should've been weaned 2 months ago: "Have you started weaning yet or what"? "Are you still feeding that child yourself? No wonder he won't sleep through!". She's another one for feeding four hourly and just doesn't get feeding on demand.

When DD was a baby she put a chocolate button in her mouth at three months old. I obviously didn't know this at the time. She offered to look after her for a few hours which I gratefully accepted - but found out later that she'd given her a chocolate button ("they love the taste") and that she'd left her outside in the garden because the fresh air is good for her lungs. I went bananas but stupidly allowed her to look after her again. The next time she brought her back and revealed to me that she'd left DD in her pushchair outside a shop!!!!!!! I didn't let her "look after" Hmm DD again after that and I have never allowed her to have DS.

OP posts:
Mibby · 03/01/2011 14:05

I get the 'What....AGAIN!' thing when I feed DD, my MiL is another one who doesn't get on demand feeding and thinks I should put her on a four hour schedule with hungry baby formula as "she's obviously not getting enough food".

She's seven weeks old and nearly thirteen pounds, I think I'm doing pretty well for a first timer!!

And if I'm feeding when they come round she expects me to stop so FiL doesn't see anything! Not that there's much on show, it's not like I feed in the nude !!

K12Mom · 03/01/2011 14:06

BBBBoS: "She worried that someone they know will see me exposing myself"

OMG, this made me laugh SO much!!!

Fernie3 · 03/01/2011 14:14

My MIL says things like " after two weeks there's no benefit to breastfeeding" then " you have done well getting to four months feeding her the milk is normally too watery to satisfy them after a few weeks"

BUT she says those things because that's what she has been told, she has never tried to interfere and actually overall i would say she is supportive of whatever we chose which is nice - she has fed dd expressed milk even sitting there for ages dripping the milk in her mouth because she wont suck onn a bottle well ( so i could go and see my older Dds school play) so no problems there.
she has 5 children and i believe breasted them for a couple of weeks each ( in line with the milk too watery theory)

My sister who is two years younger than me and ttc however says breastfeeding is disgusting and she wont even consider it i feel very uncomfortable feeding around my own family but not so much my husbands.

Fernie3 · 03/01/2011 14:15

Although when my daughter was a few days old i was feeding her and my BiL came in and said let's see this baby then whipping th blanket down from round her...he didn't realise he would get a face full of boob too ....awkwardddddddd.

Mibby · 03/01/2011 14:22

My MiL is also obsessed with volumes and asks constantly how I know DD is getting enough if I can't measure it. Apparently DH used to take 8oz every four hours from a few days old Hmm

tulip27 · 03/01/2011 14:24

My MIL gave my dd a botle of formula when she was 3 months without asking (I was in hospital with my 18 month ds who was very unwell and was planning to come back and breast feed every 3 hours). I had left breast milk in the fridge in case but she deliberatly went to the shop brought formula and bottles and fed her with the comment - 'its about time you gave up breast feeding, its so unfair on your husband, your breasts are for him !'
My daughter unfortunatly never fed from me again.
That was 5 years ago and I have never forgiven her.

Cosmosis · 03/01/2011 14:28

My MIL never managed to bf any of her 4 (back in the days of 10 days in a maternity hospital with the baby being brought to you every 4 hours unsurprisingly it didn't work and she is sad about it), she is very supportive and finds it fascinating.

My step mum did bf her two, but in the old 4 hourly schedule - she's a strange mix of supportive and unsupportive. She talks about how much she loved it, and compliments me at how well DS is growing etc - and yet she also does a good line in disparaging comments, absolutely doesn't approve of feeding over 6 months, only half approves of feeding on demand (comments about her daughter shoving a boob in every time her children squeak) and is utterly obsessed about sleeping through. I am learning to smile and nod.