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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Do you have an anti- bf MIL? Let's have a rant!

79 replies

sweetandtenderhooligan · 03/01/2011 12:26

I'm sure this has been done to death but I'm curious to hear stories about other disapproving mils! Mine reckons I'm depriving ds of a "proper feed", arrived at my house when ds was 3 weeks old with a tub of Aptimal and 6 Tommy Tipee bottles in am attempt to lure me out of bf, refuses to feed ds a bottle of expressed breast milk, commented recently that because ds had a cold it proved that bfeeding isn't all it's made out to be etc etc etc. I could go on. Let me have your stories please!

OP posts:
AccidentalPurist · 06/01/2011 00:03

My PIL were both v pro breastfeeding ... as long as it is done at 4 hourly intervals, until 9 months and no more. MIL did lots of jiggling with DS ... basically taking him away from me ... makes my blood boil in hindsight - how polite and passive I was! And of course bloody DH completely supported his mother, the twart.

With DD, I made it very clear that I would make the choices, I would feed, where and when my baby and I chose to, and that people who did not wish to support me were not welcome. Net effect: lots of whispering and rolled eyes, but, finally begrudging respect (or, at least, no interference). DH was great for 9 months, but he is not happy I still feed her now, 2 years on.

Mmm - bollocks to them.

AccidentalPurist · 06/01/2011 00:06

My own mother 'weaned [me] at 6 weeks because [her] milk was too rich and [I] needed something oatier to stop [me] getting so fat'.

There is so much objectionable shite in that account, that I barely know where to start.

Tryharder · 06/01/2011 00:31

I've heard most of the comments on here from my parents. I blame my mum for giving up bf DS1 - she was incredibly negative (I ended up mix feeding him all was not lost, thankfully).

Now I am bf DC3, she knows not to say anything but she did say something about DD should be sleeping through by now (my reply "you tell her (DD) that then" which was a retort I got off MN).

And my Dad said something over Xmas about was I sure my milk was good enough for DD (she's 5 months now) and didn't I need to use some real milk. My reply was to bark, are you saying breastmilk is nutritionally inferior to artificially produced powdered milk...rant rant rant" My Dad knows when to back off... Grin

jaggythistle · 06/01/2011 07:15

That one always confuses me - "he's a big boy now, are you sure he doesn't need some proper food?"

Yes and he got this big on just the milk, so will probably be ok!

The above was from FIL in a restaurant when DS was 5 months old and MIL was sitting there going (to DS) "If it was up to your Granny you could have some steak pie and dessert too!"

Glad it wasn't up to you then Hmm

She also took the piss out of us in front of some of DH's relatives because we only started giving him solid food at about 6 months. He'd been eating some fruit and veg and stuff for a couple of weeks and I said no to someone giving him a sausage roll from the buffet we were at. "These two do everything by the book" she said in a really derogatory tone. I think she forgot DH and I were actually there. If she'd fancied cleaning up the sausage roll puke...

DancingThroughLife · 06/01/2011 09:27

I forgot about the jiggling thing. When DD was a couple of months old, whenever she was starting to get a bit grizzly, MIL would snatch her from wherever she was (her playmat/carry cot/my arms) and do the jiggle walk. Apparently "she has to get used to other people comforting her" Hmm

Yes MIL, when she's older and I'm at work so I can't comfort her, yes. When she's 8 weeks old and she's tired or hungry, no. But feel free to change her nappy instead of jiggling her around (not a chance).

She'd soon bring her back for a feed when the jiggling didn't work. And for a couple of weeks, DD would just scream the whole time we were at their house. I felt bad, but at the same time it taught MIL not to run off to another part of the house with DD when she just wanted her mum or dad.

AccidentalPurist · 06/01/2011 14:00

Anyone else get the feeling that the jiggling was some kind of power trip / show-boating?MIL was always su curiously proud of 'spinning them out' for a bit longer and so derisive of my frequent feeding. She is very good at distracting babies and getting them to sleep (nice singing voice and big bosom - if you're under 2, what's not to like?), but then she was so triumphant ... I always felt shitty and edgy about it because she would crow so much afterwards. It must be a 50s-70s thing; so many of that generation are similar. Ditto the deference to 'real milk' and the derision towards breast milk. The advertisers did a cracking job on them. It's crazy.

AccidentalPurist · 06/01/2011 14:04

Interestingly, my SIL (whom MIL didn't breastfeed) had a base belief that breastmilk was inferior. DH (who was breastfed) was far more positive about it. He did have a stupid belief that DS needed solids very early on (in a 'my son needs steak' way), but he left me to it with DD. Totally gender-based.

pearlgirl · 06/01/2011 16:59

Totally agree with Accidentalpurist about the jiggling thing - always felt it was to show that she could get my baby to sleep when i couldn't and to prove that i was wrong to feed so frequently (nevermind that with 3 of them i had to really work hard to establish feeding - which we now know may have been caused by undiagnosed tongue tie). PIL have got more relaxed about bf even managing to sit with me as i bf in a cafe - with dc1 they wouldn't stay in the same room, hopefully i have done a bit to change their view.

putthekettleon · 07/01/2011 11:02

my inlaws refer to it as 'titty feeding', which I just find horrible!!

As in ' isn't it time to get DD2 off the titty feeding?' Angry Hmm

She's bulked up a bit since we started weaning and it really annoys me that they keep going on about how strong and healthy looking she is now. As if it's all due to a bit of pureed carrot and nothing to do with a massive growth spurt and the monster BF sessions she still has!?

FredCarnosCircus · 07/01/2011 11:08

Grrrr re 'titty feeding'! MIL will very derisively refer to DD's requests as 'wanting tit'. Nasty turn of phrase.

TheSecondComing · 07/01/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FredCarnosCircus · 07/01/2011 11:34

Thesecondcoming - ok, so I laughed about the 3 stooges, but ... shit, it's just ridiculous.

I have always struggled with the difficulty of confronting those women who had children before me, and so do have more experience. Best way ( advice from friend) is to flatter ("I know you did a great job with your children" etc etc, sick though it might make you feel), then point out that in the intervening 25 years, medical opinion has moved on. Simply, we know more about it now. The sweetener is the observation that our children will say the same to us and drive us mad with what we think are silly ways.

Shit Sandwich.

If it doesn't work, give her a side order of "Please fuck off now" Wink

FredCarnosCircus · 07/01/2011 11:36

I also think people need to be reminded that carrots are mainly water and fibre.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 07/01/2011 11:59

Oh yes, jiggle walk is always done with a swagger of smugness! Makes me want to floor the woman!

I have weaned a little early due to silent reflux, and you cant win, as Mil has been reading up and thinks I'm a bad parent, though she weaned at 6 weeks ffs and i have started at 22, hardly comparable! If i said black she would say white

I will continue to feed when I go back ti work, and she us seriously fuming about this, it makes her seeth that this is possible, she won't be feeding my baby thanks :o)

timetomove · 07/01/2011 12:01

I agree with other posters who have said it is not necessarily a MIL thing, just some women of that generation. In my case it is my mum who is very queasy about bf and she made lots of negative comments (which, to be fair, were intended to be helpful based on her way of viewing it). She was delighted when i switched to mix-feeding DS due to ongoing supply problems (which of course only made supply problems worse)and even more delighted when i gave up. My SIL (brother's wife) is going through the same thing with my mum now and wants to give her the latest literature to read. DB has, however, warned SIL off this as my little sister died as a result of one of the conditions vaguely linked to bf (or lack of) - he is worried that it might somehow be perceived as "blaming" her.
The period of time between the recommended 12 weeks (or whatever it was) for weaning back in her day and the current 6 month guideline is also a very tense period with her.

On the other hand MIL (who bf all of her chidren) is v pro bf. When i switched to mix feeding i did sense some disappointment, but she is a very nice person and did not make any comment, so it is probably just paranoia on my part.

GMajor7 · 07/01/2011 12:19

WTF? wanting tit Shock

How do you manage to keep calm at that?! I would explode! Quite the rudest thing I've heard in ages.

DF, DM and MIL are all a bit freaked out that I still BF DD (1 year) and I do get a bit irked when they keep asking 'are you still feeding her?'

If any of them used the phrase 'wanting tit' I would punch them in the face immediately.

FredKarnosCircus · 07/01/2011 12:49

GMajor - my MIL can be impossibly rude! I thank you for your outrage :)

She seems to think that being rude in a crisp accent is not being rude at all ...

Pootles2010 · 07/01/2011 12:56

God my MIL pales in comparison... she does come out with some tosh though. One minute my milk isn't enough for him, next minute I need to give him some water because its too much for him and making him fat Hmm.

Unfortunately we're also now having issues with her thinking 6 months is too late to wean him... dp made fatal mistake of trying to explain BLW to her and it just tipped her over the edge Grin

FredKarnosCircus · 07/01/2011 13:04

Leave her there, Pootles Wink

Pootles2010 · 07/01/2011 13:13

Good plan!

MsKLo · 07/01/2011 15:02

oh my god! what is wrong with these ignorant people who think bf is inadequate! it really annoys me and makes me ms judgeypants!

aghhhhhhhhhhhh

tulip27
I am so so sorry to hear what your MIL did
I would have found it hard to speak to her again! I reckon women like this do these spiteful things through their own insecurity about bf
what did you do after, did you say anything to her?
I have HUGE admiration for bf mums who persevere and it is certainly the hardest thing (after birth) i have done

MsKLo · 07/01/2011 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maktaitai · 07/01/2011 15:18

Jesus tulip27, that's truly terrible. You're a strong woman if you still have a relationship with your MIL after that.

didireallysaythat · 07/01/2011 17:18

But they can be useful...

I was going to give up bf but when we decided to spend xmas at the PIL, I decided to continue just so number two couldn't be whisked away by my MIL for a jiggle, like number one was.

I got cold/flu. The PIL think I should stop bf so I can take some lemsip or something. So I'm still bf !

I was going to stop when I go back to work next month, but now I think I may continue just a little longer....

Wink
MoonUnitAlpha · 07/01/2011 17:21

You can take lemsip while breastfeeding can't you?

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