How did you feel the day after your parent’s funeral

[morningtrain]

i know everybody’s grief is different but just interested in different experiences … we lay to rest my DDad tomorrow- we were very close & I nursed him through to the end.. so far my grief has been more manageable than I expected.. perhaps I did lots of my grieving in advance.. how did you feel the day after your parent’s funeral - specifically parents as can imagine it’s very different when it’s someone you actually lived with such as a spouse or of course a child. Thank you

Hungover as we had a great celebration. My dad was 86 and just died in his sleep of old age. But seriously, weird, very weird and a feeling of disbelief x

I felt a relief that it was over. Like you, I nursed my DF at the end and when he passed I felt relief ( as awful as that sounds), and the funeral seemed to be another hurdle to get over. So yes, relief.
I started my grieving as soon as he got his diagnosis, then got caught up in all the admin after. It’s still going on so I expect I’ll feel something when it’s all finally over.
Take care of yourself.

I do think nursing a loved one throughout or towards the end of their life is nature's way of helping us come to terms with our loss, because of the relief of not having to do the less pleasant aspects of that care.

@morningtrain

I was exhausted. All the planning and anxiety about the funeral, and then suddenly life without your parent stretches out in front of you. I felt flat and tired.

Exhausted and overwhelmed. The funeral had gone brilliantly and I felt incredibly happy about that. But sad, just so very sad. I miss my dad so much five years on. He was my person - we got each other and adored one another.
I'm so sorry for your loss OP. X

Relief, emptiness, disbelief, a bit overwhelmed thinking about all the practical things that needed doing like probate, going through the flat, sorting out personal things like clothes. Thinking about getting the flat ready for selling.
It takes time to get used to a loved one not being around, even if it’s expected. Quite a gap in your life at first if you’ve been doing personal care, sorting out Dr appointments etc etc….
Take time for yourself. Go for walks, sit on a beach, go out for coffee. Meet friends & family who have already experienced grief, chat with them about how you’re feeling.
Sending a virtual hug to you.

I felt a bit surreal. I had looked after my parent alone for years and suddenly my siblings and their families were all there for the funeral. The day after the funeral we had to spread the ashes as they were all leaving afterwards. Like they drove away and that was that. I remember my sister had gone to mums home and taken anything she fancied and was offering it to other family members. Everything she was giving away willy nilly was things id bought my mum.
I just stood watching it all, it was like such a surreal thing. My sister didn't know how mum got all the stuff as she was never interested.

I think relief is a common and normal emotion, especially if the deceased had a long or painful illness.

Relief. And very focussed once they’d both died as all the ‘stuff’ fell to me.

Wrung out.

Emptiness. Sorrow. Exhaustion.

Lost. I’d had weeks of work sorting things for him, my last acts of love, and then there was just nothing. Thankfully my aunt, his sister, was an amazing rock and we kept each other going.

My dad died suddenly and unexpectedly. After the funeral I felt very flat, listless. Then I spent quite a long time dealing with the anger stage because of the sudden nature of the loss. I wish you well however you feel today, tomorrow and always.

As PP said- overwhelmed and exhausted. Both of my parents’ funerals were actually really lovely occasions- obviously hard and sad, but uplifting. You get to hear all about how many people loved the person, how they impacted others’ lives. You get to hear anecdotes you’ve never heard before and maybe get to see your parent in a different light. I have really fond memories of both days.

But the day after, I made no demands on myself at all. I stayed in pyjamas all day, I didn’t cook, I didn’t have many conversations. Just hunkered down, cuddled my cats, watched nonsense on telly and dozed.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. I hope tomorrow is a wonderfully fitting send-off for your dad. 💐

I barely even remember. I was numb through the whole thing. I was out of the loop a bit when Dad was sick cos I left home shortly after his diagnosis and his death was a shock to me. My husband was amazing supporting me and my Mum, he had to show her how to pay the credit card bill cos Dad had always done that. I wish you the best, you will miss him but remember the good times.

Absolutely exhausted. Even though my Mum is still here I had to arrange everything. The last 4 months of his life I was in and out of hospital and in and out of care home multiple times a week on top of arranging every day stuff for my teenage son who has some issues. I also felt relief as my Dad had no quality of life.

Sorry for your loss @morningtrain 💐

I think I felt shell shocked more than anything. I saw my dad on the Saturday and he looked better than he had for a long time, then he was rushed to hospital on the Monday evening and died on the Wednesday. It was all a bit surreal.

Sending love for tomorrow.

With DM who had breast cancer for 3 years, the last 6 months was awful. I stayed in the hospice with her the last few days. DDad and I sorted the funeral out all my brothers arrived the day before she died so although I was a single parent my DS and I had lots of support, i just felt relief tge day sge died, that she was no longer suffering. I didnt really grieve I had done that already watching her die.
The day after the funeral, everybody had gone there was no caring to do and I felt lost, didnt no what to do with myself. I went back to work after two days. She was only 58.

With DDad he he was 86 and had had dementia the last few years. He lived with his second wife and had had a bad fall and hit his head. He was taken into hospital and I drove down and stayed the weekend in the town he had moved to spending all the time at the hospital. He went onto end of life pathway on the sunday and died at noon, gently on the Monday.
I sorted the funeral with his wife, 2 of my brothers made it and my DS,DDIL and my DH plus some of his brothers and some of ny cousins. We had a wake at my house after without his wfe or her family as she never accepted us.
I went back to work the next day. About two weeks later I was driving home when Dance With My Father came on the radio. I had to pull over as I was suddenly crying.

Empty. The grief kicked in a few weeks later and the next 18 months were very dark.

This is what I’m scared of.

That’s tough. I can honestly say I didn’t struggle. But my parents were very old and didn’t have illnesses, so lots of comfort to be had there. I think with friends whose parents had long illnesses it’s been much worse.

I convinced myself I was fine and went back to work the following day after mum's funeral. I'd cried myself inside out while she was in the hospice and thought I'd "completed" the grieving process. As a previous poster has said, the grief came and knocked me sideways about 6 months after. It's the 1st anniversary of it on Thursday and I'm not sure how it's going to feel, but whatever it is I'll go with it.

I'm sorry for your loss, don't be afraid of the grief.

I had just turned 20 when my Dad died and he was 63. They had me late in life (for then anyway). I was also newly married with a baby. It was my first "significant" bereavement. But whilst I was obviously very sad and tearful, I can't honestly say I was utterly broken by it, awful thought that may sound. My Mum died at 87 and I miss her and think of her often but again, it didn't send me into spiralling grief. The one that shook my very world was the sudden death of my DH at 47. We'd been together for 26 years. So, as the OP says, I think it's very different when you live with someone and wake up with them every morning and go to bed with them every night for decades. It leaves an unimaginable void. One I'd never really understood until it happened to me.

So sorry for all your losses.. there’s no grief top trumps of course, but sudden/ premature (as in your DH’s) / traumatic deaths must be the hardest, surely. I had my DF for a long time & can cherish the memories rather than endure the agony of what he’s missing.

Thank you everybody & so sorry for your losses & pain. The price we pay for love, eh…