Struggling coming up to Christmas

[DoNotBringLulu]

My parents were elderly when we lost them, my Dad age 90 July 2021 and my Mum age 93 December 2023. I was thankful for their long lives and both times their suffering was ended due to horrible illnesses.

I find myself crying so much at the moment really feeling the loss. I have to pull myself together and be festive as my dd is coming home from uni, I just don't feel like it.

Is anybody else especially struggling at the moment? I am told firsts are always hard. This is the first Christmas without Mum :(

I am. I buried my 21 year old daughter two weeks ago. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

My adult ds died 10 weeks ago. We moved house last week too.
BUT...we didn't have Xmas day together and dh and I enjoy a non traditional quiet Xmas. So that helps.
But it is still going to be very difficult. I sobbed in my car yesterday just overwhelmed.

@LoudPlumDog I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope you have support.

@AuntieMarys I hope you get through the best you can. I am so sorry.

My mum died unexpectedly in May. This will be my first Christmas without her in the world and I feel very flat.

She'd been looking forward to the Gavin and Stacey Christmas finale.

Much love to those who've lost a son or daughter.

Yes. I lost my husband six months ago. Cancer. We don’t have any family. Everyone thinks I’m doing fine and am ‘over it’. I’m not ‘over it’. I’m far from making through the day, or even week. They have literally no idea what I do just turn up at work and function.
I hung a Christmas star in his name at the funeral home and sobbed. Watching families do the same made me realise just how alone I now am. I have to go to his memorial service this weekend. No idea how to get through that. Then it’s Christmas. Festive I am not.

I lost my brother at 20 and mum at 60.

Loss is hard whatever the age, but losing people young is so much harder. Honestly.

How would you like to die, OP? What would you consider a good life and a good time to die?

Omg I am so sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine your pain 💔

Omg how tragic 😥 I'm so sorry to hear this

There are no words to say how sorry I am for your loss. I can’t even imagine how hard this is for you. Big hugs to you.

We lost DM last November. Christmas was hard, she loved it and made such a big effort.

We spent last year with my siblings and we'll do so again this year. Last year it definitely helped to be together. Kids still young enough for us to enjoy the occasion through them.

This year it will be a drive to see DSis on Christmas morning. Last time DM came with us and we were all choosing songs in the car on the way there. I'll have that trip in mind this year.

There are no words for this kind of loss. It is the most tragic and worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I am so sorry to hear this. No advice but you’re in my thoughts now. Sending love x

Absolutely heart breaking. I’m so sorry for your loss x

@NoPrivateSpy I agree with this as well. We all have to go one day, it's guaranteed. Celebrate your parents long lives! They wouldn't want you to feel sad.

This is how I feel. An old school friend of mine passed away at 40 a few weeks ago and I couldn’t stop thinking of her mam and dad, kids and husband and how awful their Christmas’s will be forever more, it’s not the natural order of things.

I know that you are struggling.
Now that I am not around.
I am everywhere you go.
I am the voice without a sound.

I am every step you walk.
I am every twinkling light.
Meet me in a memory.
I am there both day and night.

I am the feather at your feet.
The wind that blows your hair.
I am the whispers kiss.
I am always there.

I am the robin in the tree.
I am tomorrow's butterfly.
But one thing I'll always be
is your angel in the sky.

I feel the same. I'm going through the motions but have rising panic that by the end of this month I can't say (if only to myself) my daughter died last year. Crossing over into another year since she died feels terrifying somehow.

It's so hard to put a brave face on, isn't it?

@Slavetomycat
I am so sorry for your loss, I wish you well, just heartbreaking.

I've asked for this thread to be taken down as I feel my OP is inappropriate considering the sadness of losing a loved one before their time. I am sorry.

I don’t think it is inappropriate Op.
I’m sorry for your loss. Christmas and the run up to it is a bloody horrible and hard time of year for anyone who is grieving. I lost my Dad a few years ago and it is still horrible.
But yes, the first is particularly hard.

I don't think it's inappropriate either OP. Grief isn't something we can compare or measure one against the other. Losses are all hard, and I'm sorry for yours.

Be kind to yourself over this difficult period.

Look at us awake at 4.30am!

You too @Slavetomycat

I think I am churned up a sibling has bad mental health issues and has rung up and said silly things couple of days ago.

Don't take it down! Grief is grief. X

Don’t take it down op. Yes, some deaths are terrible and tragic but grief is a shared emotion.

My mum died rather tragically and before her time, it’s been 4 years now and only this year have I started to have more good days than bad. I sometimes feel self indulgent and that I should be ‘over it’, especially when I learn of a young persons death. But they were our loved ones and we miss them, often especially at this time of year when loss is keenly felt.

@AuntieMarys I've messaged again asking them to keep the thread. All the best to you. Look after yourself.ni wish you and DH a peaceful Christmas.

@ReformMyArse I am sorry for your loss, there is no time limit to grief and it's good you're having some good days.

OP your parents death cannot be described as tragic, as some of the other posters are sadly enduring, but they were your parents and it is completely normal and understandable to feel sad, grief filled and to be struggling.
We shouldn’t compare grief. You are not taking away from others loss by talking of your own. You know that your parents had a long life and hopefully can take comfort from that, but it doesn’t mean you can’t miss them and feel sad.

Cry when you need to and look after yourself. Be grateful for the time you had with them but also acknowledge that your are going to miss them at Christmas and that is okay too.

I hope you have a peaceful Christmas.