I struggle with Princess Charlotte

[IHateCoronavirus]

Just that really, and I so wish I didn’t.
She was born just after newborn DD died.

Every time I see a picture of her in the news I long for my own little girl with brown hair who would have been the same age. First day at school broke me, but there will be first day at secondary, university, marriage, babies.

I know I should get over myself but the what could have beens always get me when I least expect it.

I am sorry for your devastating loss.
What was your little girl’s name?
I hope you have real life support. Hugs.

I'm so sorry for you loss. I cannot offer any helpful advice but I'm sure someone will be along to soon

I had lots of support at the time, I was really lucky. But 5 years down the line I feel people would be less sympathetic or think I should have moved on. I just miss her. I was so excited waiting for her, she was so loved and wanted.

So sorry for your loss. I think your reaction is perfectly normal and understandable. And grief hits us all when you least expect it so youre definitely not alone in that respect.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be truly heartbreaking for you. Of course you shouldn't 'get over yourself' you experienced one of the worst things you could experience in life and you will most likely always grieve for that and that is absolutely allowed. Take care of yourself and don't be so hard on yourself x

That's only human, OP.
Another lad at DS school, with same first name & birthday in same month/yr as DS -- this other lad died suddenly (15 yrs ago now). I am alway impressed that the other mom can talk to me ok. She only lives just down the road, in a very small town. She must have been thru a lot of moments thinking 'Why did it have to be my boy who died '.

I think I understand, although not the depth of pain you have been through.
My youngest has very severe disabilities and while a baby is a baby, as her peer group moved to to toddler age and beyond, sometimes seeing a child her age, in real life, or just on TV, would catch me and cut like a knife, - once it was a little boy of about 15 months on CBeebies, tottering round a garden with his dad with his own little plastic watering can. It isn't that I wished those children harm.
It must be so much worse for you because you lost your little girl, and identifying her with Charlotte, which you didn't do on purpose, is a disaster as she is always going to be in the public eye.
Don't feel guilty or stupid. In my case, the pain has lessened over the years, - I had a moment on her 18th birthday but they are few and far between now.
I didn't, but have you looked into some support either through a child bereavement charity or through your GP? CBT might be helpful.
I am so sorry OP

So sorry for your loss and I do think your reaction is perfectly normal.

Not exactly the same situation but when my son was born 11 years ago a woman in the next bed had a son on the same day and we ended up becoming friends. Devastatingly her son has severe disabilities and after the boys both turned 1 she sent a message and said that she couldn't stay in touch anymore as my son was a constant and painful reminder to her of all the things her son couldn't and would never do. I can't even imagine how it must have felt for her and it must be like that for you just a constant reminder.

Hi OP, I’ve been posting about my boy. I lost him when he was born 4 months prematurely in February but lived long enough on my chest for us to say hi.

It’s still very new for me and I know I will go through a range of emotions and the grief will always be there. The what ifs get me too.

Grief can last over a lifetime so I don’t think you need to get over anything. Those are your triggers.
Have you had any counselling? I’ve had a Few session and find they are helping me slowly

I posted a thread and someone Wise said the below:

‘He only ever knew my love, it was perfect and complete. A life is not measured by its length but by its quality. Your child knew the warmth and love of you it's entire life. It was very short, but very perfect’

I hope this can bring you some comfort as it did me.

I have no words OP, but you have my sincere sympathy. 💐

Greetrees33 I’m so very sorry for the loss of your DS. The quote is lovely.
Thank you all for being so understanding and kind.
I have had counselling and at the time it helps.
I’ve always been the life and soul. I’m not anymore but I’ve become very skilled st pretending. It hurt to see my pain reflected in other people’s eyes and so I gave everyone the old me back.
It has felt good to just say it out loud here though.

I think most people will understand the depth of your grief and the fact that it will be triggered sometimes. There is no way that people should expect you to just get over it.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, I am.really thinking about you this evening

Ah bless you @IHateCoronavirus I lost my baby on the day Princess Beatrice was born - the 8th of the 8th 1988 and remember Fergie saying it was the luckiest day of the century
Oddly enough I had a daughter days before Princess Eugenie was born
Sending hugs to you xx

HoldMyWeave does it get any easier?

I understand completely, my friend and I got pregnant at the same time, I ended up miscarrying, while she carried to term and her daughter is an amazing little girl, but I still have that thought of that could be my little girl.

When it got really bad, I tended to block her for a little while, but you can't really do that.

Massive hug to you

Oh, you poor love. I agree this is very understandable. There is no reason you should feel guilty for feeling this way, and you certainly don't have to 'get over yourself' for feeling sad. Your little girl should have had a place in the world, and you should never feel it's wrong to grieve.

I’m so sorry, it’s completely understandable to feel how you do

I don't think anyone will ever expect you to 'get over it.'

She is part of your family and always will be. I have a big family (50 cousins) and there are three cousins who died when they were very young. I know my Mum and her sisters still think of them, call each other on their birthdays and talk about them. They would be in their late 40"s and 50's now. I don't know their birthdays but I know about them and they are still part of my family.

You don't owe anyone 'the old you' and you don't have to spare anyone pain, IHateCoronavirus.

((()))

Oh OP No one will ever expect you to just "get over it".

I was in a similar situation to @Greentrees33. My son will be 4 this year. I will visit his grave and sing him happy birthday, but I willl always look at other little boys his age and wonder "what if?".

I saw in the news today Charlotte was volunteering. In the picture she was walking away from the camera. She looks like a proper child now, rather than a tiny one. It just got me thinking of what kind of person DD would have been. What story would have been her favourite, what toys she would have played with most?
A completely pointless and painful exercise.

This is such a heartbreaking thread.

Big hugs to all of you who've suffered the loss of a child or their hopes for their children.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.